Saturday, August 16, 2008
Spain, regarded by most as USA's biggest test. I think that USA doesn't give a fuck what team it is, they will not be losing to the Gasol brothers.
Ok, both teams 3-0, gold medal hopefuls, and Spain has quite a few NBAers on the team as well. Packed house, announcers that aren’t in the stadium, should be fun.
Craig Sager is in the house. He has to wear one of the Olympics polos like everyone else, and it clearly shows that he would rather be in a wack suit.
Bron throws the chalk up in the air at mid-court. The crowd is mildly amused.
Kobe, Dwight, Bron, Melo, Kidd for the USA
Spain is home, USA rocks the dress blue uniform.
First possession Bron gets a steal, kicks it to Kidd, back to Bron for the swooping layup. Spain comes right back down for the same thing, except whiter.
Dwight gets a put back dunk, Rudy Fernandez hits a three 5-4 Spain.
Melo gets a steal, Dwight bricks a two-footer.
USA gets sloppy, lets a layup in, Melo hits a three 7-7. The announcer just stated that in three games, Jason Kidd has not attempted a shot. Wild.
Dwight volleyball spikes a shot (that is clearly not going in) into the crowd. Kidd laughs, K sneers, because it’s a very obvious goaltend.
Bron flies through a couple of missed arm tackles for a throw down. Calderon hits a fadeaway, Bron comes back down and drills a three 14-11 USA.
SUBS! Bosh for Howard, Deron for Kidd, CP3 for Melo, DWade for Kobe, RICKY RUBIO for Calderon.
Wade gets two quick steals, Rubio gets one too. Melo comes back in for some reason, Garbajosa makes his first appearance.
It’s a very physical game, all sorts of fouls. CP3 hits some free throws, then fouls Ricky to put USA in the bonus. 2:45 left in the 1st, 20-15.
Melo butters in a 3 ball to give the USA it’s largest 1st quarter lead in the tournament.
Marc Gasol snuck into the game, fouls CP3, and cries like a bitch about a foul. The Gasol brothers are some ugly fucks. Paul makes both free throws.
Garbajosa bricks, CP3 comes down, dishes to Melo for the throw down. Another steal, out to Wade for a pretty up and under, 29-16.
Yao is in the crowd, taking up 5 seats to himself, jamming on his iPod. Liu Wei is chillin with him.
Marc Gasol has a very odd FT routine. He bends over and dribbles with one hand for about 8 seconds.
Both Gasol bros are in, the younger hits a 15-footer.
Rubio fires a sweet ass half court pass to Bernie Rodriguez, who fucks up the best dime of the tourney, Wade gets the 7th 1st quarter steal for USA and funks a two hander. At the end of the 1st quarter 31-22 USA.
LeBron has a commercial during the break. Craig Sager gives us the lowdown on China beating Germany. Yi “Ginandjuice” Jianlin hit the deciding shot, and the Chinese went wild.
Tayshaun, Kobe, Kidd, Howard are back in the game.
Ricky Rubio’s court vision is silly for a 17-year old’s.
Bron back in, Tayshaun connects to Bron for a sweet alley-oop.
Rubio picks Bron’s pocket, Juan Carlos Navarro hits a runner.
Kobe slams a double-clutch dunk, the announcers say that the Chinese call Kobe “Little Flying Warrior.” Which I must say is better than Carlos Boozer’s ‘Fan Gu Zai,’ which apparently means “Betrayal Skull Dude.” Not kidding.
Rudy Reyes gets a technical foul. I wonder what he said, considering he’s Spanish, he’s playing the Americans, and the ref is Lithuanian.
Bosh gets a really bogus foul called on him as Pau hits an and one. He hits the free throw, Bron for three 6:20 in the 2nd, 42-31 USA.
Kobe hits a three, USA is 6 of 9 from three. On the other end, Kobe gets his third foul, Wade in.
LeBron is guarding Marc Gasol, giving up about 6 inches, and a shitload of hair to him.
Bron out, Melo’s on Marc. The announcers say that Marc’s nickname in Spain is La Tanqueta (the Tank). The announcers mention that when the Lakers got Pau, Marc was part of the deal. Only some true boneheads would trade a Gasol for a Gasol and get gypped. That’s why the Grizz suck.
Melo’s wearing his headband backwards, and goes to sit down.
Bron dishes to DWade for the yam. Rubio’s back in, 4:10 in the 2nd, 49-36.
Marc Gasol tucks the ball in his arm, hits the hole hard, and gets a four yard gain. Nothing productive in basketball terms, though.
Bron is really getting into the faces of shorter white people that don’t understand him (Refs).
Bron is all over the court on defense. Anybody that bitches about pros not caring or playing hard should watch this and feel stupid.
Craig Sager gives us the Spanish slit-eyed photo. Apparently, the Chinese state media hasn’t shown it. Sager’s Chinese source says that they aren’t that sensitive to racial or ethnic thing. I guess if you’re surrounded by 2 billion homeboys, you could give a fuck if some ugly guys think you look “different.”
Commercial break, and we see the LeBron courtroom Vitamin Water ad for the third time. 56-39 USA, 2:31 left in the second.
Wade gets a flying steal in which he skies, catches the ball with one hand, palms it, tucks it into his forearm, takes his allowed 1.5-2 steps, two dribbles into the lane, and spanks it off Garbajosa’s face. It was a wacky 3 seconds.
Ricky wings a one-handed oop to Rudy Reyes. This fucking kid is fun.
Fan Gu Zai, I mean, Carlos Boozer is in the game for the first time. 59-45, 37.3 seconds left.
The crowd gives an ovation as the Chinese players exit the stadium.
Rudy Fernandez dribbles around, and hucks up a three with ten seconds left. USA comes back down, Boozer misses a layup, the Wade misses a layup, then Boozer comes back to get the board and lay it in before the buzzer, 61-45 USA at the half.
They call the swimming and diving place in Beijing the "Water Cube." Really?
The rest of halftime is spent imagining an enormous cube of water.
Both teams come out the way they started, Melo hits a three 66-45 USA, 8:22 3rd.
Kobe is gang-banging on Marc Gasol, beats him to get position for a rebound, then laughs in laughs in the 7 footer’s face.
Jason Kidd makes a lay up for his first shot of the entire tournament, Spain takes a much needed timeout. 72-48 USA. 6:52 3rd.
Howard gets another goaltend. USA is playing like they finally get to do all the things they always wished they could do in the NBA.
Kobe bricks a three, Howard gets another foul, Bosh, Wade and Paul in for Kobe, Howard, Kidd.
CP3 gets a steal, then runs straight at the other basket for a lay up. This was apparently too complicated of an offense for Spain.
Deron in for Melo. Bron tell the fresh guys to play more D.
Wade with a soaring flush. Flash is back.
The announcer calls Bosh “Bush” and starts cracking up to himself. 78-60 USA 3:35 3rd.
Bosh swats Garbajosa, the announcers relate a story that Bosh told about Garbajosa and Calderon crying like bitches after they lost a game last year.
Rubio gives an in the paint drop off to Rudy Reyes, who gets swatted by Wade. Spain needs to quit fucking up Ricky’s dimes.
Michael Redd gets in for the first time as Marc has to make freethrows after getting tossed into the photographers by Melo. He makes one.
Paul airballs a three, Wade gets the board and scores, 82-61, 1:40 3rd.
Spain dribbles around the top of the key and hucks bad threes for two straight possessions, Bosh gets fouled by Pau, who appears to be balding. 84-63, 19.5 seconds left in the 3rd.
During a time out, China pipes in, “Do the Twist.”
USA comes out of the timeout with CP3 passing to Bron, who hits Bosh under the basket for a thundering left-handed yam. Again, too complicated for Spain.
Spain comes back, Reyes bricks a fadeaway, Wade fires a 60-foot pass to Redd as the buzzer goes off. Redd throws the ball over his shoulder after turning his back to the basket, as Paul flies in and hangs on the rim for about 5 seconds. The USA is having way too much fun. 86-63 after 3.
LeBron’s Vitamin Water courtroom commercial for the 4th time.
Camera shows the USA Women’s team, who is actually doing better, winning their games by an average of 45 points. The arena pipes in a futuristic version of “If your happy and you know it clap your hands.” The majority of Chinese are happy.
Rubio gets a steal, and is hated on by Bosh, who plays awesome D and forces Rubio to brick his layup. Paul gets the ball, dribbles to the elbow and shoots a jump shot. Too complicated for Spain.
Bron alleys to Wade’s oop. Flavor.
Wade misses a windmill lay up, taps it in himself and yells loud enough that Tina Thompson, the leading scorer of the Women’s team, stops talking. Pau fucks up another fancy Rubio dish.
Tayshaun, Deron, Dwight, Kobe, and Redd are on the floor. Rubio produces a buttery alley to Pau for the oop. 92-68, 7:00 in the 4th.
NBC cranks the “NBA on NBC” theme, Bron Vitamin Water commercial for the 5th time, and NBC shows Jerry West and Oscar Robertson highlights from 1960.
Dwight grabs an errant Kobe three for an and-one. Dwight makes the free throw, 98-71, 5:45 4th.
Redd gets an and-one, misses the free throw, the announcers tell the story of Redd meeting with Jerry Colangelo, where he drove to Chicago from Milwaukee, shows up in his sweats, then changes into a suit for the interview. This satisfies NBC’s policy of telling this story once a game.
Century Mark, free Chalupas for everybody. 100-71 USA, 5:00 4th.
CP3 lays up a patented CP3 alley. Instead of Tyson throwing it down, Dwight’s on the other end, and he thunderfunks the oop.
Fan Gu Zai/Boozer in. How is it the Jazz have the most Olympians?
Deron Williams gets a fast break lay up, then a fast break dunk, the Redd (the designated 3-point shooter) dunks one. Everybody on team USA has scored now. The Spanish look pretty sheepish. 110-76 USA 2:30 4th
Tayshaun makes USA’s eleventh three-pointer.
The announcer makes a good point that Calderon and Pau are still on the floor despite there being no difference they can make. There is an awkward silence, and the other announcer comes back with, “Well, you can’t know what the Spanish coach is thinking.” Sure can’t.
Then again, Bron is back in for USA and gets his eighth assist. Tayshaun with another three. CP3 dribbles around to waste the clock and not rub it in for the final minute, letting Tayshaun shoot a rock at the end of the shot clock. Spain comes down, Calderon misses a three. Game.
119-82 USA. In your faces, world.
Posted by Icehouse at 11:26 AM