China's Most Hearlded Athlete Suffers Defeat at the Hands of Nipple Chaffing

Liu Xiang, China's heralded hurdler, could not compete at the Olympics games. Xiang, who took home China's first ever track-and-field gold medal in the Athenian games is more popular than Tiger Woods, Jesus and chopsticks combined in China, and his early withdrawal sent shockwaves through the entire nation. And that's a big nation.

Apparently, Xiang was suffering from intense nipple chaffing (shown here in a file photo). The chaff was apparently so bad that he had to exit the games, disgraced, dishonored, and likely to be decapitated. That's how China rolls and he knows it. Why do men even have nipples? Xiang cried to the state-sponsored heavens.

Remarkably, China has since been able to recover emotionally by employing 11-year old women to compete in gymnastics. They should be around for the next decade or so, until they are executed as well. The next time you see a female Chinese gymnast smile, know it's because she's thinking, "Hooray! I get to live!"