Your source for sports and culture analysis from the Natural himself.
"Hey, Matthew, have you won a record amount of Tour de Frances?""Nahhhhh maaannnnn...""Too bad. You'd be a lot cooler if you did- DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE HOW LANCE ARMSTRONG TURNED YOUR OWN QUOTE AGAINST YOU?! LANCE WINS! LANCE WINS!"
Lance- hey man whats upMatt-Hey man you got any weed?Lance-NO man not right now.Mat. ha ha It'd be alot cooler if you did.
people in the background:"Was that Sigfried and Roy?"
"What are you listening to on your iPod?""Book on tape.""Anything good?""I, Claudius.""Lame."
"Shit, you just HAD to take a shower, didn't you, Lance? You KNOW that McDonald's stops serving breakfast at ten a.m.!"
"Run faster; if we don't get to the shirt store before it closes we are going to look like two IDIOTS."
Matt- So lance I'm just going to say two words and I want you to tell me what you think.Bongo Drums.
Matt- Hey man I'm getting a little gassed.Lance- LIVESTRONG MOTHER FUCKER
Matt- hey lance do you think if we werent big celebs we'd still be running around with our shirts off?Lance-probably not man, but think about it. If I hadnt taken all those undetectable steroids would I have won all those tours?yeah I just said it.
Both: "Life Rules!"
"You can watch me and Lance pee in this cup for $5."
Matthew - Are you sure we don't look gay?Lance - OF COURSE NOT! I'd only look gay if I was was wearing a bandana.
Lance - So...umm... you're actually going to go through with this for me?Matt - Dude I already told you once I had a son to carry the lineage; there is no need for two.
haI was trying to figure out a way to work that bandanna into the caption. You beat me to it.
i bet they go home and have sex.
Lance - You told me there wouldn't be any cameras.Matt - I'm tired of keeping this a secret.
Matt - So I was balls deep in this guy's ass...Lance - and...Matt - ...and later he tried to kiss me! What a fag!
Matt-Why the hell am I holding this empty cup?
Lance: You know who's a better athlete than me? Everybody in the NFL.
Fat middle-aged man to fat middle-aged wife:"Know what I hate about California? All these goddamn faggots."