Caption Contest!

Here's some pictures. Have fun.





I'm busy. Be back later.

Monday Evening S--t Storm!!!

Sorry gang. Ole Lattimer has been in busy work hell with no fire extinguisher in sight.

Baseball is coming up and to be honest we don't talk about baseball enough here.

My idea is this. Icehouse has some really good OMG FUNK posts.

Personally I love them because you see some awesome funkage combined with Icehouse's unique commentary.

I would like to do the same thing with baseball highlighting the best and worst of moonshots.

Problem is, I need help on the name. I'm thinking "Tater Time" or something very simple like "Donk." I'm also still working on involving steroids or anadrol into the title.

So that's the first thing help me with a title. If it's good I'll use it, if it's not we'll make fun of you.

The usual around here.

Second. For the first "_______________" post I'd like to have a collection of the greatest bombs of all time.

I'll give you my homeristic version.
(No Deafmute and Zack, this is not a post asking for your favorite homeristic Home Run this is asking for the greatest Home Runs of ALL-TIME)


Now, in the grand scheme of things was this an important homer? Not really, the Cards lost the series but it did ruin one mans life. Brad Lidge. What makes this homer even sweeter is the fact that I was surrounded by Astros fan at the time with one other Cards guy. The whole time we had to hear about "When it gets to Lidge it's LIGHTS OUT. It's over. The two lone redbirds in that room calmly asked, well what do you think if El Hombre comes to the plate?

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!

YOU DON'T HIT GIRLS, YOU DEFEND THE DEFENSELESS, AND YOU DON'T FUCK WITH EL HOMBRE!!!

The best part is that Light's out Lidge was no more, sure he still has a job, but he is mentally destroyed for life.

So for the Shit Storm.
1. Name.
2. Favorite Donk of all time.
(Video would be good but it seems that this will be a hard post because MLB is a copyright bitch. For fucks sake youtube videos EXPAND YOUR SPORT)

Get going Hobbers.

The Boog Gets Ready for Opening Day

[Jupiter Florida, Roger Dean Stadium]

(Coaches Office)

La Russa:/Finishes reviewing David Freese's OPS against right handers at 5:37PM A SW wind of 7MPH and a rising Barometric Pressure

Ok guys I think we're ready to get the season started. Albert is looking good, we got Holliday locked up and all of our pitchers are doing whatever Dave tells them.

Duncan: Yep.

La Russa: Our only problem now is second base, Ryan is a defensive winner, but he can't hit for shit. Now don't get me wrong the things I love in this world are defensive short stops, Animals, and players who don't talk and lack any form of personality. That and a good 78 Merlot. But for god's sake Ryan needs to pick it up at the plate.

Jose Oquendo: /windmilling his right arm.

Das da thing mang, Ryan so good on defense, he like cat he jus see balls an pounces on dem. But at plate? He think he play video game.

Duncan: Yep.

La Russa: Shit, well the only other option is Julio Lugo and I think we can all agree that the less of Lugo we see the better, just something about that guy.

Duncan: It's because he slammed his wife's head into his truck.

La Russa: Yeah, that's it. Plus the less Brendan is on the bench the less time he has to annoy me. Mac how's he coming along?

Big Mac: (under his breath) Ah Fuck yes I'll be hitting the peak of my cycle opening day, I'm gonna look so jacked in my uniform.

What? Oh, Ryan. I don't know skip, every time I try to work with him he'll start imitating batting stances and then he'll start asking me to pitch him wiffle balls. At first I thought it might help him, then I realized he just wanted to play wiffle ball.

La Russa: Shit, well I talked to Albert yesterday he said he'd try to help him.

(Infield drills)

Brendan Ryan: OH SHIT HERE COMES A SCREAMER!!!
/Dives to his right, fires to first

FUCK YES SCORE ANOTHER ONE FOR THE BOOG!!!



Hey Albert how about every time I fire one to first, you can yell out SAME DAY DELIVERY COURTESY OF THE BOOG!!! Then you can do some type of fist pump.



Pujols: No, Brendan I'm not doing that. Look everyone bring it in.
Brendan, we need you in the lineup this year mang, you make Skip a much better 2nd baseman and...

Ryan: Boog man call me Boog, hey we need a infield nickname something like The great wall of St. Louis or THE FUCKING FORCE FIELD!!!

Albert: No uhhhh Boog, like I was saying you also need to cover for Freese so he isn't handling too much in his first year in the majors, jus look at him mang.

/Freese drives golf cart into the left field pole.

Ryan: /bouncing up and down
Don't worry El Hombre the Boog has this shit locked down, how about this, whenever I turn two with skip I'll do my Robert Deniro impression. Actually ehhhh I'd need a mic for that. Wait. OHH SHIT. I'll scream THAT'S ANOTHER FLIP.....TO SKIP. And then you point your finger at me and say "Mang" Hey check out my Babe Ruth batting stance.

Pujols: Look mang, why don't you work with we me, I help Yadi turn into decent hitting catcher. Look I jus don want you on da bench and Tony put in Julio. Jus something about dat guy.

/Lugo walks off field.
//Punches female reporter.

Ryan: Hey big guy don't worry Short Stop is Boogville population ME. Ever since I started growing my stache and KRAZY KHALIL went AWOL I've been flippin to skip........

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY MANG AND POINT YOUR FINGER AT ME. Don't worry about it we'll work on it. Hey you know what let's play some wiffle ball that'll help me with my batting.

(Meanwhile Khalil, lurking in the trees, overhears the conversation, flips his emo bangs, and goes back to reading Twilight.)

Pujols: See mang das what I'm talking about, I'm about to force Yadi to watch five hours of film with me you should come along.

Ryan: Yeah I would Senor Swing, but I get distracted by the vending machines in the video room. Plus ever since I went off the meds when I was 12 I just start swinging at anything that comes my way.
Hey Yadi
Yadi
Yadi
Yadi
Yadi
Hey Yadi
Molina
Yadier Molina
/pulls on Yadi's oversized jersey.
Yad
Yad
Y-A-D-I



Yadier: WHAT!!!

Ryan: Hey wanna get drunk and go to Chuckie Cheese.

Yadier: No mang I gotta go with Albert.

Ryan: Hey you pissed at me? You always look pissed at me.

Yadier: No mang, das jus my normal face. Jus make sure you there when somebody steals.

Pujols: Look, Tony gon talk to you later today, remember he hates players talking or having any type of personality so jus be cool in dere. Remember L-U-G-O.

Les go Yadi.

/Yadi walks off behind Albert. See's a perfectly chalked baseline.
//Starts kicking baseline with his feet.

(Back in the Clubhouse)

LaRussa: Ryan I need to talk to you.
/pulls out giant binder of knowledge.

Brendan I'm just going to look over your splits here for a second....

Ryan: Skip
Hey skip
skip
skip
skipper

LaRussa: WHAT

Ryan: Hey do you think Franklin looks like James Hetfield?

LaRussa: Uhh I guess. Look Brendan....

Ryan: Boog.

LaRussa: Ok Boog, we really need you to step it up at the plate this year, you really need to focus.

Ryan: Yeah, the focus part aint happening. See skip, "I was looking for something incredibly profound Go out to Field 6 in the left-center gap and lift the stone. Dig a foot under the warning-track dirt and there you'll find a treasure box. Pull out the scroll and read it."

LaRussa:/Blank stare

Well look, you need to take your job seriously. You see, I love stoic players. Consummate professionals. Take Albert for example he spends all his time focusing on winning and hitting. Look at Holliday over there. You know why I like Holliday. He sits there just counting his money not bothering anyone.



Holliday: Hey does anyone know how much a diamond encrusted shitter would set me back?

Ryan: Hey skip, wouldn't you say that comment came out of.......LEFT FIELD. BHAHAHAA hey skip whenever you call Skip into the office are you asking for Skip SCHUMAKER to come in or is that just a verbal reminder to yourself that you need to be in the office?

LaRussa:.....Yeah, well you see Brendan i like to run a tight ship. Every year I get together with Parcells, Bobby Knight, Belicheck and we have a giant circle jerk about having disciplined teams with zero personality. We get off on being hardasses. Now, you aren't at the hothead level of that douchebag Marquis, and you don't seem like a whiny bitch that my prized possession Rolen turned into. I just need you to be quiet and add a little on the scrapiness meter. So when you go out there I want you to keep your defensive talents, because to be honest that gives me a raging boner, but anytime you want to play wiffle ball, grow a porn stache, or play hacky sack with the baseball I want you to think "What would David Eckstein do?" Do you think you can handle that?

Ryan:/performs jumping jacks
Sure thing skip, and I mean you not the skip I flip to. Hey who do I talk to about putting boogville between second and third?

La Russa: Uhhhh i think you talk to Reyes about that. Just remember what I said, and if you can't handle it I'll have to put in Lugo and we all know what that means.

Ryan: Yep no more Erin Andrews assigned to our games, ok coach I'm gonna go practice some hitting.

La Russa: Good...

Ryan: On MLB the show. I have 99 everything, 500 homeruns after 4 years, and I'm a one man show in the field. I'll show you what Albert and I are working on for opening day.

La Russa: Can somebody get him some downer pills for our flights?

Big Mac: Already on it skip.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Hmmmm.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Hmmmmmm-wha-hey!

How are y'all doing? Sorry, I just kind of zoned out for a second. Not like it matters though. OK. OK! We ready for the weekend or what? I know I am. It's going to be a good one, that's for sure.

Let's get to the videos.

So I know I've been all over Julia Mancuso for some time now, but check it out. She wins a couple of medals in the Olympics, finishes out the World Cup tour, and then... competes in an extreme skiing competition. Does she get more bad ass? I posit no.


And is it a wonder why white people like Lil' Wayne so much? Just give this a listen. Jim and Pam would be proud.


I meant to post this last week, but we all know how that went. Still awesome.


And what do you do if your nickname is Mo Pete? That's right. Make a Less Pete.


So, over SXSW, Bill Murray was partying with the RZA (which actually happens a lot more than you would think). Then he started bartending. Game for this video: drink every time you see a hipster.


Yes. The sun is shining ALL OVER THE COUNTRY! GO OUTSIDE, ASSBAGS!

The Adventures of Dogus Balbay in America

Dogus Balbay is was a point guard for the University of Texas. After playing well in the Turkish basketball league, he has come to the United States to better himself, and hopefully make more money. These are chronicles of the trials and tribulations of culture shock.

This week: DOGUS IS DEAD! LONG LIVE DOGUS!

Dogus is dead. He has no more reason to go on living. He has been dead for quite some time now, for all intents and purposes. His ligaments, they have been torn.

Who will want Dogus now? The agents say that there is nobody in the market for a slow point guard with a treacherous left hand and no jump shot. Not even on the Kings! Shit! What will they do? No more Longhorns for Dogus, and no more basketball. Dogus fears that they will throw him out of the country like a common Armenian.

What's worse is that the team has died. No dancing this year. No fun at all. Dexter has started to eat his feelings. Avery Bradley has already sold his books, gone back to Las Vegas, and put all of his money on black. He asked if Dogus wanted to come. Dogus knows better than to dabble in games of chance.

And now Dogus will never get his hands on the trophy. No riches for Dogus, and no wishes either. All he ever wanted was to rub the sweet trophy and meet the genie inside.

Oh no! A yellow turban may get his hands on the precious trophy!


YOU BE GONE, YELLOW TURBAN!

Omar Samhan: What?

Dogus: You'll never fool Dogus! Dogus knows the tricks of the yellow turbans! Dogus has dealings with them before, in the home country!

Omar Samhan: I'm from just outside San Fransisco. Who are you?

Dogus: A thousand apologies. I thought I had seen you before. Nevertheless, HANDS OFF THE LAMP-- er, TROPHY! GOD WILL NOT LET YOU DANCE AFTER TONIGHT!


Maybe this place isn't for Dogus after all. Dogus loves this land, though. They have cleavage. And bacon. And bacon-flavored cleavage. Hopefully Dogus can stay. Maybe he'll get Brad Buckman to put in a good word for him at the Austin Toros. Maybe.

Dunkadelic.

Crazy dunks have happened as of late. Let's take a gander.

One, Josh Smith won a game on a dunk. Epic, y'all.

And then Amar'e Stoudemire eats souls. I watch this dunk through my fingers. "Iiiiis iiiiit oooooveeerrrr yeeeeeet?"


And then Terrico White for the Ole Miss Rebs punches one. Seriously. Knocked that shit out.


Have fun, wieners!

(Videos via BDL, Slamonline, and my own damn self.)

Caption Contest!

WOOO! More pictures that need captions!

First off we have my new chat icon and twitter avatar (follow me, homos! @PJHart!)


Moving on, we have some Canuck chicks smoking stogies! Yeeeeuh!


Caption! Give them! Comment! Send to your friends and have them comment!

Fancy that! We get to keep playing!

Fit like min, hey? This Aberdonian is bonnie like it's hogmanay!

Many a bas blethered that we would not make it this far. FUCKLE to the neaps whose brackets we 'ave boosted. FUCKLE TO ALL THE NEAPS I SAY! The bams from Kansas dinna deserve to get to the sweet sixteen. They received naught from their moorish twins and young Xavier. Oh, and Sharron is a prat.

They put up a wee rammy, but twasn't mooch erefore we were quaffing with the quines back at the pub. Oh, how the bonnie quines let their petticoats fall at the sight of mine visage!

You better can your havering ere Fryday, when put a knuck in the gob of those Spartans fae Michigan State. Faur will you be? At your mum's painting your wee nails, you ladymen!

HARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAR!

Raise your pints to the Northern Iowa Panthers!

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

It's the reason we watch games that we have no vested interest in. The threat of the upset.

This weekend, like many in March Madness, had a lot of upsets. Kansas: done. New Mexico: done. I really don't have any sympathy when people are all 'WAH WAH WAH MY BRACKET'S FUCKED!' Suck shit you whiner. This happens every year. Your bracket was not perfect last year. It won't be perfect next year. Shut the fuck up.

So for today's Shit Storm, I want to know your favorite upset in history. Which one was the most poignant to you? What about the most impressive? The most shocking? Lay it on me.

For me, the answer is quite simple. You see, I'm a bit of a Longhorn homer. All throughout 2005, Texas had to run the fucking gauntlet while the worldwide follower heaped giant stinking piles of fellatio on USC. The weeks leading up to the game, the same media outlet crammed down our throats the concept that this was the greatest college football team of all time.

They even got to play a home game for the National Championship. How wack is that? But Icehouse was there. I was one of the few in burnt orange that knew that you have to play the football game to win the football game. And the rest, as they say, is history.


Greatest all-time upset. Shit Storm go.

No Funbag This Week

Bitches.

Browns FB Hillis Drives All The Way to Denver's Facilities Before Remembering He Was Traded

DENVER, Co. - Traded to Cleveland from Denver in the much-ballyhooed Brady Quinn trade, fullback Peyton Hillis drove all the way from his new Ohio home to the Bronco's training facilities before remembering he was no longer a Bronco.

"Aw, dammit," said Hillis, a bruising 230lbs. fullback who was traded on Monday. "I musta been on auto-pilot this morning. Went to the wrong work again."

Hillis said he became slightly suspicious when he had to fill up his truck for the fourth time on his 1,351 mile, 21 hour and 11 minute journey through six states. "Thought something was wrong with my Chevy, so thank God for that."

Hillis saw limited playing time under new coach Josh McDaniels, but wowed Mike Shanahan and the Broncos in 2008, an injury-wrought season for Denver running backs, where he also ate four lbs. of concrete on a dare from Shanahan.

Hey Assholes

See this video?

Yeah well unless you sign up for the GRH bracket pool your one shining moment this month will be telling people an inflated amount of how much you drank during St. Patty's day.

All you have to do is sign up for a FREE yahoo account.

go to fantasy sports, tourney pick em.

Search a group ID, and enter the password.

You have until Noon tomorrow, so get on that shit.

ID: 68965
Password: grh

Prank works on pussies.

If you really cared about the soccer game, would you really let a string quartet or poetry reading get in the way?

Granted, I can watch TV at work, so I'm a little impervious to this. However, with the advent of new technologies, I have undertaken experiments to use hand-held devices to get my sports in. I can't say enough good things about NBA League Pass Mobile. Furthermore, if you have a WiFi connection and a computer/smartphone/whatever, you can get through it.

Of course, I am guilty of skipping out of work to watch the 2007 Champion's League final. But that's because Buffalo Wild Wings commercials convinced me that this was acceptable behavior.

Whatever. Sack up and tell your girl/professor to eat it.

Caption Contest!

There are days, and even weeks when I feel like I'm just shouting to myself on this site. Well, since I'm the only one who can hear myself scream, I'm just going to start having fun with the posting. Here's today's caption contest.

Allen Iverson prepares for his television debut on "COPS: Newport News."


Angel Berroa: "Hey Ronnie, don't we have spring training or something?"
Ronnie Belliard: "Shh! Can it, man! Would you rather go to Asia on Manny's dime or hang out with Coach Torre?"
Manny Ramirez: "WOOOO! TAIWAN! LET'S ALL GO BANG IN THE COCKPIT! COCKPIT, GET IT!"
Everyone: "Yes, Manny."

Ok. Fun. Have at it. I'll probably bury this in a little bit, which is really too bad, because these pictures are hilarious.

Hey What's Up?

Hey everybody, my name's Blaise Ffrench, and I play for the University of Texas at El Paso Miners. I hope that all of you are just as excited for the NCAA tournament as I am. We had a really great season. I'm especially proud of ending Memphis's amazing conference winning streak. Hopefully we can continue our success through the weekend, by upsetting Butler in the first round.

You guys are following along, right? I know for a fact that my good friend Steve Lattimer set up a bracket pool for fans of this blog. This is a pretty sweet blog, by the way. I read it whenever Internet access is up and running in El Paso.

Anyway, all you have to do to enter the bracket pool this year is sign in to Yahoo! Sports (with your easily-attained free Yahoo! ID), then enter the following for your Bracket Pick 'Em:

Group ID# = 68965
Password = grh

Ok guys, hope to see you all there. If not, then Ffuck You! I'm Blaise Ffrench! Go Miners!

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

So yesterday I finally got a chance to watch the Magic/Bird documentary on HBO. As always HBO put out a good product,

Anyway it got me thinking. What are the best individual rivalries in sports?

That's all I got

Now onto some business. GRH will be having the second annual bracket challenge. If you were in it last year you should have gotten an email reminding you, but if your didn't or you're new here are the vitals.

Yahoo.
ID# 68965
Password: grh

Alright that's it, I'll have more/better reminders later.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Boris is ready to party.

Because when you're a fat, lazy Frenchman, you may as well go shirtless, too.

This week has sucked royally. All freaking week I've been looking forward to today. And it's finally here. WOOOOOOO!

First up, we have something to fulfill everyone's aquatic bloodlust.


Next up, some innovative hicktards go waterskiing.


Moving on, if you don't like Commando, you can go get fucked. Commando rap, go!


The title to this video is quite misleading, since nobody dies, but it's still pretty fucking awesome.


And finally, although it's old, I find it hilarious. From the inimitable Uproxx, we have the 20 best 5-second movies.


Yes. YES. Dallas holds St. Patrick's day tomorrow, so I'm ready to get funky. See y'all next week.

And Lattimer will be sending out invites to our NCAA Brackets soon, so stay tuned.

Mars, Bitches.

Dr. Manhattan from The Watchmen was pretty awesome. I've always aspired to lead the kind of existence where I could roll around Earth naked, saving people, killing people, or saving people's lives just to kill them later. Multitasking like Dr. Manhattan means that you do science and gets freaky deaky at the same time. That's multitasking like a mug, y'all. He's the best of every world, literally.

Every world literally, because if you tick him off, he bounces to Mars to build glass castles. Mars, bitches.

And that's why I think we'll survive the "impending strike." Go ahead, check the comments.

You see, the NBA is great and successful this year because of a few select Dr. Manhattans. These few heroes wield enough power to ensure that we will always see some hoops. If the new collected bargaining agreement never gets agreed upon, the same cagers that we send to represent America can just bounce and go rep the states in a different form. Professionally, in other leagues. The New York Times reiterated my point quite eloquently.

I would really like to see the proliferation of foreign leagues, with one or two superstars per league. I'm talking ballers that would make those leagues both more watchable and more profitable. The idea has been floated before. I'm different, because I would follow these cats anywhere. One thing's for sure, no matter where JR Smith plays, I'm going to pay attention.

OMG! FUNK!


Europe is perfect for this for a couple of reasons. First, they are sports crazy, just like us. Furthermore, basketball has been the fastest growing sport in the world in recent decades, on a pace that will have it rival soccer within our lifetimes. Finally, European hoops leagues have the (potential) fan base and infrastructure set up to handle the globetrotting year-long circus that a stunt like this would require.

I would love to see a world where professional basketball expands so that the Larry O'Brien trophy is a legitimate claim to the title of "World Champion." Maybe a European vacation for some of our best players is the first step on the road to seeing this dream become reality.

Caption Contest!

More wackiness! So much wackiness! Comment your asses off! Then go visit zackstovall.com for more funny!



Walton: "Shaquille, I just wanted you to know that watching you play is like watching the ballet of planets in our solar system. You are massive in scope, but beautiful in form and function."
Shaq: [yawns] "Sorry what were you saying?"



Isiah: "I'm telling you Bill baby, it's easy money. All you gots to do is convince those chicks you coached in Detroit that you're doing them a service by providing security and peace of mind to them. You'll love the lifestyle, my man."
Laimbeer: "You're telling me pimping is the only way you'll tell me where you got that coat?"



Phelps: "What's up LeBron? We gonna party tonight?"
LeBron: "I'm going to party. We are not. Now go get me a Gatorade."

Ok. Magnificent. Yours in the comments. Get busy on them.

Souls forever entertwined.

On this date in 1997, Notorious B.I.G. passed away.

But of course, this wasn't the only significant thing that happened on this date in history. For instance, today also happens to be the birthday of Julia Mancuso.

Whassup, baby? You're looking good, as always.

But other things have also happened on this date. Let's take a journey through the athletes and other luminaries born on March 9th, shall we?

-1934 – Yuri Gagarin, The first human in space
-1936 – Tom Sestak, American football player
-1940 – Raúl Juliá, Puerto Rican actor
-1943 – Bobby Fischer, American chess player
-1945 – Dennis Rader, American serial killer
-1950 – Doug Ault, American baseball player
-1956 – Mark Dantonio, Michigan State football coach
-1961 – Mike Leach, Unemployed football coach
-1961 – Robert Rechsteiner (AKA Rick Steiner), American wrestler
-1961 – Darrell Walker, American basketball player
-1963 – Terry Mulholland, American baseball player
-1965 – Brian Bosworth, American football player
-1965 – Benito Santiago, Puerto Rican baseball player
-1969 – Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, American basketball player
-1971 – C-Murder, American rapper
-1973 – Aaron Boone, American baseball player
-1977 – Yamila Diaz, Argentine supermodel
-1980 – Chingy, American rapper
-1981 – Antonio Bryant, American football player
-1983 – Clint Dempsey, American footballer
-1983 – Wayne Simien, NBA Champion
-1987 – Bow Wow, American rapper and actor

A lot of wacky stuff went down today. If I missed anything notable, let me know in the comments.

BONUS S--T STORM!!!!

I just wanted to make fun of Steve Young in that last shit storm.

The Oscars JUST HAPPENED and what we need to do is determine the best athlete/actor.

I'm going with OJ Simpson in the Naked Gun series.


Ok begin again.

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

I want you to watch this video.


Yes that is Steve Young. And I need to get married in a month and ten days.

Now that video is F'd but more importantly Steve Young is creepy.

I've always had a strong level of distrust towards Steve Young. I was talking about it this weekend, but you know when you meet someone and they just send off a creeper trigger? That's what Steve Young does to me. I mean the guy manufactured a whole controversy about winning a Superbowl while the rest of America couldn't care less. Not to mention his douchiness on the MNF pre game show. Guy just rubs me the wrong way.

So for the shit storm I want to hear athletes that send off that creeper vibe. The ones that just make you nervous, the ones that would not surprise you if they had 12 dead hookers in their back trunk.

Begin

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Good Evening, would you like to join our party?
























DA!


WOOOOO! Not my vydas, not your vydas, but Arvydas. Now it's a muhfuckin shindig.

Ok, so due to this video obliterating the internets this week, we're going to have an all music video fun bag. Gonna be fun.

First up, sumo wrasslin. Their fat. It's hypnotizing.


Sorry about that. To make up for it, here's some sexy.


Of course, there's onetime New Orleans Hornet preseason squad member, Percy Miller. Who is gay and won't let me embed his video.

Furthermore, what the fuck does Hootie and the Blowfish have to lose by me embedding this video? Huh?

Danica Patrick and Dale Jr. in a rap video is just absurd enough to be awesome.


Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan. Need I say more?


And to really get things rocking, here's the Dallas Cowboys' Marc Colombo and Leonard Davis and Justin Chapman in Free Reign.


\m/ RAWK! \m/

OK! I'm READY FOR THE WEEKEND. FUCKING FINALLY!

OMG! Lazy Thursdays!

So we're not that great at Thursdays. We just aren't. Not that we don't have stuff to say or anything, it's just that none of it ever finds it's way here on Thursdays.

At least we've got some wacky hoops videos to watch.

First, we have Memphis' own Joe Jackson (in the green, playing for White Station) dunking on fellow University of Memphis commit Tariq Black. I sure hope these guys are roommates next year.


Here's something crazy from Europe. I do believe that Tony Skinn kicks a guy in the gut, dunks on him, then grabs his nuts. He crammed more flavor into that one move than I did in my entire career.


And finally, if Brittany Griner's dunking ability didn't convince you that she was a dude, here she is hulking out on a fat white girl.


Yeah, we're going to need the bitchslap picture for that one.


Delicious.

UPDATE: AARON RAMSEY BROKEN LEG VIDEO!
I'm not sure why, But EVERYONE'S reaction is pretty hilarious. And Ryan Shawcross, you should feel bad about breaking a leg and all, but get a grip. Dudes that break legs don't go crying like a bitch about it... fag.


So yeah. Awesome and everything. The writers need to write more.

Caption Contest!

Three more photos! They're crazy!

Barkley: "Hey, glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding the place? Good. Do you need anything to drink? Are you comfortable? Great. Ok. Here's the deal. I have several fragrances here. Your job is to figure out which one I squirted where."


Yao: "Eee! Eeeheeheehee! It's ticklier than when Luis Scola used to do that!"


Hannah Storm: "It's OK Hakeem, the camera is only going to focus on the shoulders up, the folks at home won't be able to see that I'm grinding on you. Mmm, that feels nice, doesn't it? I know that you like it, Hakeem. You know, Jerry's my cameraman both on and off the court, if you get my drift."
Olajuwan: *thinking* "Quick, make up an excuse about Ramadan to get out of this. Bitch is crayzeeeeeee!

Ok. Kind of got some weird ones here. So uh... have at it. Seriously, whatever pops into your heads. Just go nuts.

The Many Hairstyles of Scott Pollard

When Scott Pollard was first brought to my attention I began with a google image search and was appalled by what I found. Then I realized he's the perfect example of what NOT to do style wise, so I thought I would break it down for all of you.

The Sunglasses and beard photo didn't bother me too much...until I realized that he wasn't sporting a beard at all. I'm not even sure what you call that thing, but gentlemen, stay away from it. If you're going to grow out your facial hair, go all of the way with it. Nothing in between is ever acceptable, unless your Tom Selleck. 

Then there's the Mohawk, whether black or blonde it's a no go. And not because I don't like the punk style, but because it draws attention directly down to his face, which is simply not his best feature. Unless you're a pretty boy, a mohawk is a no go as are the chin pubes (and wearing them as pig tails really doesn't help, do they make you want to grab onto them and slam his face into something or is that just me?). 

Now the top of the head pony tail presents the same problem as the mohawk, it draws attention to his worst feature, he looks more like Lurch in this photo than an NBA player. 

And finally, the blonde wig and red dress are what I like to call the Lady Gaga style method-being outlandish and weird as a method of covering up that you are simply not attractive (see below)

OMG! NON-FUNK!

If flying LeBron oops aren't getting you excited today, I present you this. It's the simple things in life, y'all. No need for anything other than a pedestrian flying through the air, only to whang his grill on the cup. I somehow knew that even the timeouts of the Blazers/Grizz game were going to be awesome.

(via slamonline)

LeBron makes New Yorkers wet while destroying their dreams.

OMG! FUNK!

Look at Bron's face after the funk. He just thinks it's funny. I mean, it wasn't like there was any sort of defense on him. It wasn't in traffic. And the clutch? I mean, that's alright and all, but it's nothing like Vince Carter's fabled windmill-oop.

I'm just kidding. That oop was absurd.

On the whole LeBron-to-New York thing. Does anybody really believe that this is going to go through? LeBron is allowed to do anything he wants in Cleveland. Absolutely anything. He is deified on a nightly basis there, even when the NBA isn't in season. New York is the opposite of that. The constant media blitz turns even the most carefree of superstars into cynical assholes.

After burning down their roster for the insurance money time and again, it seems to be all for naught. Good luck with the draft, Knicks fans. It's probably your best bet at landing a superstar.

Your vacation is... how do you say? Unsexy.

Yes, yes. We have heard all about this "Spring Break" of yours. Yes, we have heard of the girls and when they go wild. But we, over here in the Mediterranean, in Croatia and Greece and Ibiza, we think that this is no sexy.

Where is your spot to go? This Gulf of Mexico? You think that it is sexy to go to the Panama City or the southern Padre Island. My friend, it is no sexy. The beer bongs, the confederate flags, and the Journey played in your pick-em-up trucks, they are no sexy. This, my friend, the yacht week. This is sexy.

Observe the sexiness. You see our blue waters, they are superior to your Gulf. Our places to party, they are better than your bars. You will see that there is no karaoke here. Karaoke is the unsexiest of the unsexy. I see a woman caterwaul and I no longer want to make the love with her. And believe me, mi amigo, I ALWAYS want to make the love. Observe my silky-smoothness. Supple, yes?

So I would like you to think of us, mon amis, when you think that you are having a sexy time in your spring break or your summer, you should think of us, and remember that you are no sexy like us.