Oh Roger you sly f--king fox

Many things have been said about heir Goodell, our ginger overlord, however this weekend he came through for the common man.

What am I talking about? The fucking Pro Bowl.

Observe:

I hate the NFL pro-bowl, I never watch it because it reminds me of of watching a porno after you just finished. It's awkward and depressing. (For our goodie two shoes/ readers who don't want to admit anything it's like singing Christmas carols on December 26th.) Think about it, THE LAST football game for 7-8 months is the Pro Bowl? Which has the intensity level of my 7th grade B team games.

But the NFL actually fired off some neurons and decided to have the game before the Superbowl. Great, grand, wonderful, trick of the day.

So this morning I search the TV and figure out when it's played.......7:20 EST WTF!?!?! YOU'RE TRYING TO GO UP AGAINST THE GRAMMIES, PUT IT ON AT 3!!!

But then I realized this is why I'm not the commissioner of the NFL.

Yes my fellow Hobbers, this is a perfect opportunity to score brownie points.

Drew of KSK fame has written extensively about this subject, but I want to share with you a great time to score some points.

Now WE all know the pro-bowl sucks but everyone else does not. So tonight is a perfect opportunity to score some points with the non-football fans.

I'm going to make some gross generalizations, but let's just assume most football fans are dudes and most non football fans are ladies. Here's how it goes down.

Football fan: Oh but I REALLY want to watch the pro bowl tonight.

Non FF: BUT the Grammies are on

FF: Ok FINE we can watch the award show (or any other random show for that matter)

NFF: Oh you are so considerate.

FF: Fuck. and. Yes.

And this is going to go down in thousands of households tonight, hell I'm going to rock it.

So thank you Roger Goodell for setting up the football watching community with a hanging curve.

GQ's Top 25 Most Stylish Men

GQ put together their list of the top 25 Most Stylish Men In the World 2010 and not surprisingly a few athletes made the list: David Beckham, Tom Brady and Christiano Ronaldo. While they put together some fine voting options they also put a few men on the list because they're cool and have a hip image but they don't exactly qualify as stylish (Johnny Depp anyone?) and I believe that Ronaldo falls into that category. Looking at his fashion choices brought to mind the age old question, is he gay or European? While David Beckham walks the fine line between Stylish European Man and Overly Metrosexual, Ronaldo crosses it. I understand that there are cultural differences here but no man should wear a speedo unless they're a competitive swimmer and using hair gel in that quantity should be outlawed. His fashion choices distract from his overall attractiveness while David Beckham merely compliments his good looks with his choices. However, the most stylish of them all is Tom Brady, he manages to look trendy and attractive without looking feminine. He seems like the kind of man who knows how to put himself together but doesn't spend a lot of time doing it, and that's the best kind of style you can have.

CAPTION CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!

With the 2010 Winter Olympics just around the corner, it's time we recognize America's most embarrassing, unloved, and heterosexual... totally heterosexual athlete: APOLO OHNO.



While we respect all religions, races, and sexual orientations here at The Ghost of Roy Hobbs... please don't hold back.

Fun facts about getting autographs

I'm big into sports memorabilia. For some reason I keep a lot random shit from playing days/games I've been to etc. My dream is at some point to have a man cave with a leather lazy-boy, billiards table, big screen, dart board, cowboy clicker, wet bar w/decanter and all of my random ass sports memorabilia surrounding me.

Anyway, one of the things I always loved was autographs, but it comes with a couple stipulations. First I really hate going up to an athlete and asking for an autograph with some random napkin and pen. I feel dirty when I do it and I'm sure they hate getting that all the time when they are trying to have dinner with their family. Second, I hate paying for a stock autograph, it's just not the same. It's akin to baseball cards as a kid. In my mind the only acceptable ways to acquire a baseball card is to 1. Pull it from a pack you bought. 2. Trade. 3. Win a bet with the card as collateral. Now in terms of autographs there are those autograph sessions which is somewhat acceptable because you get pictures and handshakes but still, it's not the same.

So anyway a guy I know has somewhow cracked the autograph code and has a great system to acquire sports memorabilia.

This guy is a HUGE Cowboys fan, so obviously he collects a lot of memorabilia.

Anyway here is his system for scoring autographs.

First, he buys a relatively cheap pictures of players (8X10). Typically he finds these through websites selling pictures and Ebay.

Next he takes those pictures puts them in plastic/bubble wrap then he puts them in a manila envelope that is self addressed with postage. THEN he puts that inside another manila envelope and sends it to the team headquarters.

Now here's the key in my opinion.

He writes a generic portion of the letter explaining "I've been a fan since X, I have a whole room with Y." He also includes a segment explaining that he's just looking to add this to his collection, he's not going to sell it on Ebay, If the player wants to make it personal or do whatever to prevent selling that's fine, and if they don't want to sign it it's no big deal.

He typically gets them back and frames them any way he wants and adds it to his collection.

I like the idea because you still have a good story to tell, and there's that hunting aspect to it, but it's not like you're throwing $50 bucks down just so you have a picture with a name on it.

Anyway I thought it was a great idea and thought I'd pass it along.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

Icehouse and Shabbychicblonde got me thinking.

Who is the sexiest athlete?

Now those of you with a Y chromosome may be saying ANNAKOURNIKOVA!!! But to be honest I define sexiness in a different way and I feel like I have more intellectual moments with my bologna sandwich.

The XXers out there probably have have a multitude of men on their list, and I could probably find something wrong with that individual....unless his name is Albert Pujols in which case I'd ask for an 8X10 with "To Lattimer, Hey mang I like you"

/swoons

But honestly this was hard.

Ifirst looked at teh tennis ranks and while Sharapova was great in this GRH classic, I'm a capatalist at heart.

Another option is Natalie Gulbis, who is awesome by the way, but I go golfing to swear, drink, and smoke cigars. In that order.

Jennie Finch is another one that would come up. At this point in my life I only play wiffleball. I throw a mean slider, but I think she would take me yard.

So I had to think long and hard about this, and I admit I'm being contrarian for fucks sake but...Sarah Hughes.


Oh hells yeah Salt Lake 2002.

/Call me

So lets here from everyone on this one, shit storm begin

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Julia Mancuso knows what it takes to get ready for the Olympics. Boozing in hot tubs for the win. More on her and her heart-stealing ways later.

Yes. YES. Weekend, then the X Games while me and commenter Brian will be in Colorado. It's on like Donkey Kong.

First and foremost, here we have a friend of ours, Tuna, rapping.


Nick Swardson is funny doing anything.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

JaVale McGee is hilarious. You know, you have to have a sense of humor to play on the Wizards.

(via his twitter feed: @bigdaddywookie)

You gotta love when a really great dunker falls on the receiving end of one. Get some.


And at Lattimer's suggestion, here is a kid that loves him some hoops.


Yes. I'm ready. Done with this week. Ready to party. Let's get it.

If the Super Bowl was Based on Hotness, Who Would Win?

Before I can answer that question, I have to decide which teams will be crowned the AFC and NFC Champions.

I realized what it really boils down to this weekend is old vs. young. I have heard arguments on both side of the debate when it comes to older and younger men: Some women love a man with experience, and some women love a man they can teach a few things to. Some love a man whose established himself, already has a reputation as “one of the best” who can “provide for you”, other women want to be there for the ride while you live up to your potential.  I personally like both options -it just depends on the person so first let’s look at Bush vs. Favre:

I’ll admit that I think Brett Favre is sexy. He’s experienced, tough, and always comes back for more. But the purple uniform  just doesn’t do it for him (in my opinion a man looks far gayest in purple)  and all of those years in the NFL are starting to show.

Reggie Bush is certainly lickable, his sexy smile and chiseled abs are more than a girl could ask for but he lets Kim Kardashian parade him around in photo shoots and isn’t enjoying his time as young star player by exploring his options, which means he’ll end up seeking out more ladies later.

Who wins this round-Favre.

Sanchez vs. Manning

Peyton Manning is by all accounts a good man, he’s also considered one of the greatest football players of all time and brings a great deal of experience to the table (4 NFL MVP’s?) but his face is a little flat, and frankly he seems pretty boring.

Mark Sanchez on the other hand is a sexy, young, exotic guy whose recognized more often as a model than an nfl player. He's a good combination of the East and West coast and he loves Broadway Musicals. What is there not to love?

The winner here: Sanchez (The man oozes sex appeal that makes you just want to jump into bed.)

America's Forgotten Athletes Finally Get Their Due

Everybody has already heard about this absurdity, but it bears mentioning here. The All-American Basketball Alliance, an all-naturally born Caucasian basketball league has been formed. As much of a juxtaposition as anything, these people are really serious about taking any and all fun out of one of the most organic sports that exists.

I would also like to point out that Augusta, GA is the only confirmed home city thus far. If you encounter a resident of Augusta that wonders what they did to deserve this plight, please remind them of their golf course and slap them.

For your reading pleasure, commissioner Don "Moose" Lewis' arguments in favor of the league, FJM-styled.

"Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league."
No ruffians like ZaZa Pachulia!

"There's nothing hatred about what we're doing,"
Grammatically incorrect lying.

"I don't hate anyone of color."
Just lying.

"But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now."
Grammatically incorrect, and untrue.

"Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like."
Grayson Boucher begs to differ.

"Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?"
Players attacking fans in the stands (with one exception) is strictly a hockey phenomenon, and is limited to white players. The flipping off of fans is strictly a football phenomenon, and it crosses race lines. Until I was 14, I thought that they kept crotchgrabbing stats in baseball.

"That's the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction."
"Better" means segregation here, apparently. From my research, any time that races mix, something good happens.

"We need a local person ingrained into the community to make this successful."
Ask Hootie Johnson. If he says no, then it turns out you need a time machine.

"People will come out and support a product they can identify with."
Such a product exists. It's called the WNBA, and is well-known for having financial troubles linked to pitiful attendance.

"I'm the spoken minority right now..."
Still grammatically incorrect, and still untrue.

"...but if people will give us a chance, it'll work."
Here is where I would like to point out that this league's goal is not to create a financially solvent, respected enterprise, but rather to incite anger and division between people. In this regard, this statement is factually correct.

"The white game of basketball, which is essentially a fundamental game, works."
Joe Johnson is one of the most fundamentally-sound players in the world. He plays in Atlanta, and is not white.

But yeah, you're right. Georgians are aching for something more fun to watch than this.

OMG! 100 FUNKS!

This clownish travesty made headlines this week, purely because of how absurd it is. Everybody had a good laugh, since that's all you can really do with something this sad.

Luckily for everyone, this will probably be the last we hear of it.

Style Crush-Anna Kournikova

Of all of the people I have encountered I have to say by far the most attractive male or female has been Anna Kournikova. She was walking across the Lobby of our hotel in her tennis clothes (on her way to the US Open) with her hair pulled back, no makeup, but it didn't matter. She had a presence about her, not to mention the best body I have ever seen, and she clearly knows it based on her tight clothing choices and short skirts. If you've got it, flaunt it:

Caption Contest!

Orange Juice Mayonnaise does us all a favor by kneecapping Andre Miller once and for all.

The Grizz set a franchise record for most consecutive home wins. Don Delaware was in the house to see it. Maybe he'll provide insight, sprinkled with his stories of hobnobbing with Mike "Just another wasted draft pick" Conley Jr.

Comment your asses off.

We all just got moose knuckle'd

Well we all got mooseknuckle'd. I should have seen this coming. I never got a beej in the alley of Neils, I never drank five gallons of vodka, and I never drove cross-country with Carmello Anthony so I don't know why I would expect to win a fantasy football league.

Mooseknuckle fooled us all with his football intuition. He came in as the last seed and proceeded to defeat myself, Brian, and oh so vulnerable Deafmute.

It is a true story he can tell for ages.

So in the tradition of GRH, raise your glasses to Mooseknuckle because he shoved that moose knuckle in all of our asses.

In other news we have a new contributor to GRH. Shabbychicblonde is going to be around to provide a "for the ladies" perspective that goes beyond the connection between Seagal and the notebook. Essentially she is the anti-Lattimer in that she 1. Is blonde 2. Writes well 3. Does not think Carhartt's and sweatpants are "in." (Although I have a feeling we both have a certain appreciation for Lady Gaga) Check out her blog Shabbychicblonde.

Well that is what we like to call a combo post in Hobberland. Keep living the dream.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

Do you like sports?

Do you like movies?

Do you like music?

If you do this shit storm is for you.

We're looking for some great songs on sports movie soundtracks.

Now I know Icehouse and Vitustinitus are going to bring some thunder and Im taking a wild stab at what Zack is going to put in, so I'm going to share this little gem from one of my favorite movies, Blue Chips.

The song is the blues classic "Baby Please Don't Go" originally recorded by Big Joe Williams. However, in Blue Chips the song is performed by Them. To set up the scene, coach Pete Bell is facing pressure from the media, boosters and the Administration. So he sets out to recruit the best class in college basketball. A player agent turn him onto Neon Bodeaux, played by Shaquille O'Neal. Starting at the 1:20 mark is the first time Nolte see's Neon.



Maybe not the best, but still a gem.

In other news, if you're into fashion, decor, or happened to find this site on your significant other's history you may want to check out our good buddy's blog at www.shabbychicblonde.com Even if you're like me and think fashion trend equates to sweats with or without elastic legs, and decor is a nice beer sign, there are some good links to articles that will help you get through the work week. The Ghost takes care of his own.

Alright music time, shit storm begin.

Andrew Bogut kindly asks that you not wear bling

OMG! BOGUTFUNK!


I used to hate Andrew Bogut. I really did. Besides being the NBA player who most resembles Ashlee Simpson, he seemed to revel in the fact that he plays on the most boring team in the League (boring level changed once Brandon Jennings arrived). For instance, he once voiced an opposition to players flaunting their wealth. GUHHHHH This dipshit still says "Bling Bling!" What fucking year is this?! What a shitstain.

Sorry. I tend to lose it when I read that. Anyway. Enter Cartier Martin.

/Googles "Cartier Martin"

Mr. Martin here is apparently named after a bejeweled watch. No wonder Bogut felt it necessary to not only buttfuck him in front of an audience of DOZENS, but to also include a bitchslap in the process.

Cartier, if your NBA profile still has you in your D-League uniform, and your face smells of Australian sheep sex, you may want to consider grad school. Just some advice.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Hey, there's always basketball season. Right? Right? Sure. Whatever.

I'm headed down to see the Mavs host the Thunder tonight. Should be a pretty wacky time. Have I mentioned that Kevin Durant is the shit? Remember the Durantula drinking game: Drink every time he scores. If he gets 24 in the first half, the game turns into a power hour. Yessssss.

OK. Let's party.

By request from Lattimer, we will post this retread. LSUFreek is well known for his glorious photoshopping. This may be his masterpiece.

(via EDSBS)

Jared Allen's mullet explained.


Amar'e Stoudemire and David Spade? Sure. Whatever.


Monta Ellis could give two shits about your pregame circus shots. It also sounds like he says something about weed at the beginning.


LaDanian Tomlinson is a borderline afterthought on the field. So of course he has cause to dance.


To anybody that doesn't think NBA players hustle, Tyrus Thomas is here to say, "what's up."


Ok. I'm done. You guys make sure you party this weekend. I'll be watching the Mavs, Don Delaware will be watching the Grizz. Also, we are accepting names for a BBQ team that Don Delaware is Captaining. Yours in the comments.

Grizzly Men

HOLY SHIT! RUN! THE GRIZZ ARE A WINNING TEAM!

Crank it up, baby. It's going down in Bluff City. Nobody wants to go and play in the Forum anymore. It used to be the place to go, since the game was easy, and the parties were bomb-ass. Now it's different. Now you have to run your ass off when you play the Grizz, and chances are you aren't going to win. Then when you get to go get drunk, nobody with any self-respect wants to blow a loser like you. Ain't that some shit?

Some people thought that this crazy little experiment would never work. These people thought that the personalities were all wrong for any sort of success. Heck, even we were skeptical.

All of this success flies in the face of reason, to be sure. The front office shitbags draft and trade like they want to lose. Actually, they do. You see, there are two ways to run a team. Spending a dickload of money to win, or playing it cheap and throwing any dude with talent to the wind. Remember when they traded Pau Gasol for his brother? Who trades a family member for a family member and gets the worse end of the deal? Man, that infuriated me, and I don't even like Pau. And seriously, Hasheem Thabeet? Hasheem Thabeet's fat ass? When Tyreke Evans, Brandon Jennings and the Loveseat Dejuan Blair were all still on the board? Was I the only person watching the Loveseat beat Thabeet like an orphan in several games in college? God damn. Shitheads.

And then this crazy-ass experiment.

I was pretty damn happy when this happened. But... well... it didn't work. And... you know... I just... Fuck Allen Iverson.

/cries
//vomits

OK. Insanity over. But once AI was bounced, this team went bonkers in a good way. Z-Bo is playing like a man possessed. He eats 30 and 20 games like Shaq in his prime. He deserves to be an All-Star. Too bad Tracy McGrady is going to be a starter in that game. Oh well.

Don't ever forget that Rudy Gay is the man. Ever. I really don't want him to ever leave the Grizz. It's inevitable, for sure, but he's been wonderful for them.

And Orange Juice Mayonnaise. Pimp. Muhfuckin. Tastic. He wins games. By scoring baskets and passing to people that score baskets for him. I can't even fathom how people didn't think that he and Rudy (who I'm gay for) couldn't play together. They are like Jordan and Pippen. If... you know... they were both Jordan. Or something. Look that was retarded, but fuck it. They're awesome.

They're still not a playoff team, due to the Oklahoma City Flavor Explosions and the New Orleans Assmouth Bugs. But we'll see. Heck, they might even win a playoff game for once, if they make it.

So hopefully we'll have some more in depth stuff on the Grizz, as Don Delaware is going to both of their games this weekend. Booker Pogue on the other hand? Probably beating it to John Wall.

Caption Contest!

I'm not going to kick this one off with any suggestions. Because all of you know how to make a dicksucking joke. Ok, just one.

Quoth the Raven, "Your semen is quite tart, have you been eating a lot of salt?"

Props to commenter Brian for the picture.

HOLY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For real.

It just went down.

Lane Kiffin to USC.

Ok first, rational thoughts. I understand why most people critisize coaches jumping program to program, but before the likes of Lupica, Plashcke, every major columnist jump to conclusions, I pose this question. Do you feel the same about every other person in every other profession? That is, do you get upset when a financial advisor jumps firms, or a mechanic jumps shops for whatever reason? College Football is business, and Lane made a business decision. So unless you are holier than though spare me the moral bullshit.

That being said, this is crazy.

So Lane Kiffin, who's only son's middle name is Knox, pisses in the SEC's Corn Flakes and then leaves after one season? Me thinks this is god cutting Tennessee down for the way they dealt with Majors and ironically Fulmer.

First some analysis.

Look Lane has never really proven himself, however he does have a certain ability to surround himself with people smarter than he is. He also has a hot wife. I think USC wanted the whole Lane Kiffin package. That is, they wanted him, his old man, and Big Eddie. and through some voodoo magic Norm Chow. SAY IT AINT SO NORM!!!
/Sad face

But really, it's a little too early to examine the whole thing because who knows what the NCAA will bring down on Troy and who knows how deep hostess gate really goes.

But what I'm worried about is how Tennessee fans are taking it?


Seems reasonable, but what about the REAL FANS?


The University of Tennessee and the Arizona Cardinals. A match made in heaven.

I want to get into more analysis but....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHA
/breathes

BAHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CFB wrap up

Ok before we start into the NFL I think it's about time we all get a little bit of closure from this past season.


Rammer Jammer yellow hammer congratulations Alabama.
It makes sense. And let's face it, Alabama was the team to beat after the start of this season. And I've never been more happy to be in the North than right now because I'm far far away from stupid celebrations and overall fan stupidity. On another note, Nick. I understand you were happy about the win from a "process standpoint" but really, a smile every now and again will help the anti-christ rumors. (But really, Saban is a great coach, reading his book, and I think Alabama is going to move into USC dominance territory.)

STOP IT, JUST STOP IT.
Look, losing Colt McCoy sucked...hard. But stop saying "don't they have anyone better to put back there....This just shows how incomplete Texas was blah blah blah" First of all. Texas did have someone behind McCoy. Garret Gilbert was a five star coming out of high school and he was the #2 rated QB behind Matt Barkley....you know the guy who started for USC. The other thing is that he was playing against ALABAMA. The team that crucified Tebow. (although he did rise the third day to destroy Cincy to sit at the right hand of God the father almighty) You realize only one team scored more on Alabama and that team was...Virginia Tech WTF!?!?

I'm Sorry
I'm Sorry Brian Stinespring. You haven't heard me but I've called you very bad names during VT football games, I've made fun of your pussy Skoal pouches and bitch ass Disani spitter, but you did fine this year and you got Tyrod to stop jumping around in the pocket. Although I think you had some help from RYAN WILLIAMS. Although I admit sometimes when I close my eyes at night I imagine Leach would come to Blacksburg, team up with Bud Foster to form Optimus Prime, and destroy college football.

Teams I like next year
Other than the obvious ones
Iowa
Arkansas
Oregon
Pitt
Wisconsin
Nebraska
Notre Dame. (HA I'm just fing around ND blows)

But the biggest one is Nebraska. I know I'm supposed to hate them, but I really do like the program and the history. I really want to root for them and I get close to doing it....until I talk to one of their fans.

Ever talk to a Nebraska fan? It's excruciating. They are so nice...Almost too nice, but everything always turns into some passive aggressive attempt to show you the greatness of NU football.

Ever have a conversation with a child of the corn?

Me: Yeah so I went to the Tech UVA game and there was a ton of Tech fans it was...

Herbie Husker: Yeah well NEBRASKA typically travels the best in all of CFB, here let me show you a picture of the time so many NEBRASKA fans went to South Bend. We started chanting Husker home game. Do you want a cupcake.

Me: Uh no, but....

HH: You also know we have the record for most home game sellouts.

Me: Cool, But yeah I wish it was at Lane stadium beca.....

HH: Hey let me ask you a question, Can officials just change rules?

Me: What?

HH: You know can they just make up their own rules?

Me: Not following.

HH: Well in the Big 12 championship that NEBRASKA was leading the officials reviewed the clock which isn't in the rule book.

Me: Sure it is.

HH: Well you're young so you wouldn't really know these things. Here is a lollipop. But you can't review the clock.

Me: yeah actually you can and should.
/google's NCAA rulebook, shows relavant ruling.

HH: Well they got the call wrong.

Me: /youtube's the final play.

HH: Well they won't win anyway you know NEBRASKA had the number one defense.

Me: Scoring defense.

HH: HH: Yes, Number 1. You know I played at Millard directional high school. They won the state championship, one of the best teams in the country.

Me: Didn't see them on any top 25 polls.

HH: Well it was the NEBRASKA State Championship Here is some apple pie. You know I met DR. TOM OSBORNE.

Me: LAWRENCE PHILLIPS, STEROIDS, BILL CALLAHAN. AHHHHHHHHHHH
/takes apple pie
//Throws it at inflatable Husker
///Husker deflates.

Seriously Nebraska chill the F out.
You know what the N in Nebraska stands for? nowledge.

Troy is burning.
Pete is no dummy.

BCS is that guy.

Ok I get it. There are logistical on financial things that I CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND concerning playoffs in CFB. I can stomach it, and actually understand it to some degree. For a lot of student athletes the bowls provide a great experience. (although I don't know why you would have to get rid of them) Personally the playoff thing gets old every year and I get tired of everyone telling me their fail proof playoff plan. But then the BCS had to go an piss me off with the Inside the BCS twitter feed. Whatever BCS intern is running that thing has become aggressively more idiotic over the past month. Here are some highlights, with my breakdown FJM style.

"The last week of the NFL this year is proof playoffs suck"

You do realize the "last week" of CFB includes conference championship games?

"BYU, Miami (Fla.), West Virginia, Pittsburgh, Oregon State, Oklahoma State, Arizona, Stanford, Nebraska, Utah, USC and Wisconsin. They won’t be happy about being left out of this 16-team playoff scheme."

They probably would be upset, perhaps they should have done better in the regular season.

"In Dan’s playoff include Alabama vs. Troy; Texas vs. East Carolina, and Cincinnati vs. Central Michigan. Dan calls these “must-see” games, but the bowls are far better at creating compelling and competitive matchups."

They are more compelling than when Florida plays Charleston Southern to boost BCS points. And I dont think anyone wants to get rid of bowls...bowls are awesome.

"Then there is the travel burden his plan would impose on fans. In Mr. Wetzel’s playoff, Penn State would travel 984 miles to the Swamp to play the Gators in the first round. If the Nittany Lions were to win and the higher seeds win other games, they would pack their bags and fly 1,392 miles to Fort Worth to face TCU the next week."

I KNOW I wonder how the NFL does it? Or teams in the Basketball tournament? Although you could just give an auto bid to NEBRASKA because NEBRASKA fans always travel the best in all of CFB.

Here's the thing, if the BCS just came out and said, "look we are the best you have in the current structure, we typically try to find the best two teams to play for the national championship" I'd have no problem. And like I said earlier I understand the economic/logistics argument BUT don't come out and try to tell me from a fan's perspective that playoffs wouldn't ROCK FLAG AND EAAAAAAAGGGGGLEEE.

Monday Morning S--t Storm!

Oh man, what hath this week preceding and its end wrought?

First, Texas has its national championship hopes dashed away due to some apparently exposed nerve endings on the backside of their wunderkind Colt McCoy. Ain't that some booshmain.

Green Bay Aaron Rodgers fumbles away an overtime playoff win in a game that was an offensive show case. W, T and the F?!

Chris "I'm Challenging You to a Race To Purport Even More Masculinity" Johnson doesn't even get a sniff for the MVP? WHAT UP WITH THAT?Basically, there's just been plenty of legitimate beef going on in the sports world. Complain as justice compels you to do so.

Off-Limits: Tom Brady having a bad game causing the Pats to lose is purely just, so no backtalk. He had Randy Moss and another stocky-Caucasian sensation (Edelman, I think) to replace Welkah. Justice = served.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

At least somebody had some fun this week. Well... maybe two people had fun. Both of these guys kick ass.

/adjusts bandages on wrists.
//rubs balm on ropeburns around neck

Ok. All better. Ready to get funky. Going to need a lot of booze in the system to keep myself from freezing this week.
/tries to kill self again for making joke about cold weather since EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD DID THAT THIS WEEK.

Fuck it. Let's just watch some videos and get nasty.

Dempsey better be a starting forward for the Yanks this summer. On the reals.


Mainly because this guy licks ass in big games. This was pretty hilarious, though.


While we're on the subject of the World Cup, Italy sucks.

Team Flight Club put up this epic compilation of the best non-NBA dunks. It's exactly what you think it is.


Bill Walton Bill Walton Bill Walton Bill Walton Bill Walton Bill Walton Bill Walton Bill Wa...

via FreeDarko

Ok. That's it from me. Remember to put on enough layers to keep your core warm, but not so many layers that you can't get naked within ten seconds. Eleven seconds is just too long.

Nothing This Cool Ever Happened In Your High School.

I was going to write something clever or witty here. But...

I just... Just watch.

For reference, the dunker is 6'0". The dunkee is 6'8". Go home, big cat. Good luck getting a date to prom.

Caption Contest!

So this picture has been all over the internetz since the Wiz game began last night. So here it is again, for your viewing and captioning pleasure.

Gilbert Arenas could give two shits about DC handgun laws. The rest of the Wizards - Mike Miller and Fabricio Oberto included - think the whole thing is a big joke.

On that note, I really do, too. Some dudes were clowning in the locker room. Clearly, everything's cool now. People have been saying a lot of nonsense about this incident, largely because it fits in with "OMG! BLACK MILLIONAIRES WITH GUNS! SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING! THE NBA IS FULL OF THUGS!

So yeah. Caption Contest and shit.

(Image via SLAMonline, NBA OffSeason, Sports Pickle... which means it will be on Ball Don't Lie next week)

Boise State girls are ugly

Well, they are. Take Meg, here, for instance.

She's the hottest one. And she is freaking me the hell out.

She could rent out her forehead as billboard space, to make some extra cash.

Anyway, all of this comes from me watching the Tostito's Fuck You Bowl last night. I just couldn't help but think about how horrible it would be to go to school at Boise State. One, you're not in a cool college town, you're in Assmouth Boise, Idaho, as opposed to Texas' best-kept secret, Fort Worth. do you like darkness and three months of hospitable weather a year? Then Boise is for you. Are you a normal human being that likes sunshine and the ability to walk outside? Fort Worth is your spot.

Maybe it's ok to go to school there, since every single girl is bundled up to the point that they just look like androgynous humanoid blobs walking around. It's like hanging out with a bunch of chicks in burkas... if... you know... burkas are made up of ugg boots [vomits] and six north face jackets.

But yeah. Them bitches be ugly. Aaaaaaaaand to put the exclamation point on this meandering hatefest, I present to you "Boise State Cowbell Girl," which has already been hailed as THE DECADE'S FIRST INTERNET MEME! WOOOOOO! GET EXCITED!


But really, comparing any school's female population to that of TCU's is unfair. Percentage-wise, I'd put them up against anybody. Like I said. Best kept secret.

You know who's awesome?

This guy.

This dude is the shit. He hoops in college. For Siena, who has a habit of ruining my brackets every spring. He also has an apostrophe AND a hyphen in his first name. That's setting the bar pretty high.

His whole life has been a fucking struggle. He was one of seven children, and had to move across country to move in with one of his siblings after shit went bad. But he didn't let that shit get him down. He worked his way into community college, where he hooped for a year. The first part of his life story starts out like too many others, which all too often turn to crime, drugs, drug crime, or some other destructive force. Not my man here.

He's better than that.

After his first year in community college, he decided to serve for four years in the military, doing a tour while stationed in Iraq. That's right. As if he hadn't fought for enough in his life, now he's going to go fight YOUR battles also.

He got back from the suck, went back to community college, and finally moved up to Siena. In addition to hooping, he's also active in the improv/comedy group at Siena. Dude does more in one day for his school than most do in an entire career.

Just-in'love wants to be a state trooper to help out with the border patrol in New York. Canadians don't have a clue what's coming to them. Just-in'love makes me hate so many people in America. Fat, lazy, Wal-Mart fucks, self-entitled frat boy fucks, myself, people that bitch about the welfare while supporting the war but don't go fight their damn selves, and thousands of others.

Step aside, bitches. Just-in'love Smith is here to save the fucking day. Keep kicking ass, big guy.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

You know what we haven't talked about around these parts? College Basketball.

The one thing I do appreciate about NCAABB is how crazy the gyms get. Sure, In the NBA you get the jazzy PA noise, but it's just not the same. The other great thing about NCAA ball is the shit talking from the fans. DUI, beat your girlfriend, failed some classes, you can be sure that every conference opponent in the country will rip your shit for it. In fact I tell people that's the best thing about college. You can say everything you want to at sporting events. All that shit in your head that you WANT to say during high school is completely acceptable at NCAA sanctioned events, especially in a small gymnasium. Definitely the best thing about college....other than the alcohol....and co-ed's.....but mainly the alcohol.

So with that being said, the shit storm is to provide some examples of crazy college basketball fanhood. We know about the Cameron Crazies, we know about Maryland fans being ruthless, and we know that Kentucky and Indiana are getting payback for football season. What I want are the little gems around the country. I want that young, wide eyed sophomore in a tiny gym telling the opposing team's star player that he sucks more dick than Adam Lambert.

So to kick things off I give you this little gem.


Now I'll admit I didn't know a lot about NCA&T before this, but I am now officially a fan. Does that make me a bandwagon fan, perhaps, but I really want to see a game in the Dawg Pound. First of all I love split level gyms like this. Also note how the fans are literally right on top of the players. We also have ridicule of opposing players, step battles, and multiple security elements.

But what is the intro like? I'm glad you asked.


Shit storm begin.