Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Alright, Central Division, Eastern Conference. Now we're getting into some shit. But as we can all see, Sheed wants that title back!
Detroit Pistons: Another perennial power in the once weak East, these guys know how to win. Or do they? They're always in the favorites, even having the second-best record in the L last year, but just can't seem to get over the hump. Last time they made it to the finals, the Spurs were there to shut them down. Since then, the Heat, Cavaliers, and Celtics have been the team to make it out, while Motown is left wondering what could have been and what went wrong. This squad looks like it's somewhere between the powerhouse days of old and a rebuilding team. After Sheed, Antonio "Dice" McDyess, Chauncey "Mr. Big Shot" Billups, and Rip Hamilton, the most experienced player on the roster is Kwame "Crummy" Brown (!). This is all sorts of crazy. There are too many question marks to say whether or not this team can make it to the finals, but there is plenty of potential in Rodney Stuckey (who we know can ball), Arron Affalo, Will Bynum, and Amir Johnson. Look to Jason Maxiell to develop a 15-17 foot game to justify his wanting a bigger contract.
Cleveland Cavaliers: LeBron. That's it. That's all there is to know. The rest of the crew is there, Big Z, Wally, "Sideshow Bob" Varejao. The other players would have to include Daniel "Boobie" Gibson, and newly acquired Mo Williams. But there's only one thing that matters. As goes LeBron, so go the Cavs. These clowns are going to have off nights, but if LeBron has even a slightly less than gold medal performance, they will lose. Of course, if someone can do it, it's gotta be Bron.
Indiana Pacers: Man, now we're getting dirty. The Pacers had a fire sale after the Malace at the Palace, getting rid of all the trouble makers that ran into the crowd and wrecked up the place. Still, they have quite the ill image, thanks to Marquis Daniels and Jamaal Tinsley (although Bird has made it quite clear that Tinsley won't be on the team for long). Add in some unproven college standouts (Roy Hibbert, Josh McRoberts, Brandon Rush), some straight weiners (Travis Deiner, Mike Dunleavy), and the worst rapper in NBA history, Troy Murphy, and you get maybe the worst team in the league.
Milwaukee Bucks: Michael Redd won a gold medal this past summer. The list of positives ends there. They got Richard Jefferson for Yi Jianlian, but then what? Andrew Bogut, a bling hater, Luc Mbah a Moute was always questionable, Luke Ridnour, Charlie Villanueva, and Booker Pogue's least favorite Big Easter, Joe Alexander, all... well... fuck it. Gilbert Arenas said it best. Nobody wants to play in Milwaukee.
Chicago Bulls: This once proud franchise has been nothing, repeat, nothing since Jordan left, save for one season filled with hope on the backs of Ben Gordon and Luol Deng. Now, they apparently beef over who gets more money, with Ben Gordon entertaining prospects of going to CSKA Moscow and Luol wishing everybody would just shut up. Joakim Noah is the world's ugliest Chihuahua. Andres Nocioni is the most overpaid Argentine (which is saying a lot). Kirk Hinrich didn't even get invited by Samwise and Frodo to go to Mt. Doom, and they were both some bitches. Drew Gooden sucks. Tyrus Thomas and Larry Hughes play only for a check. Thabo Sefalosha is ok, but never gets passed to. Derrick Rose, the hometown cat, has a little bit of work ahead of him, before he makes good on his MVP aspirations.