Friday, October 31, 2008

Philly is Phor the Ladies

Philly wins the World Series, Lidge shakes the curse of Pujols, and "Currently there is only some fireworks, several groups have overturned cars, and there are some small celebratory fires. But all in all Jim, things seem to be going smoothly."

Got that last little gem from the local Fox reporter.

If you're a raging sports fan, you know that Philadelphia phans not only have a reputation, but they have also suffered for 25 years. That is, Since 83 Philly phans have not seen a pro sports championship.
*The Philadelphia "Soul" are not considered in this conversation.

For 25 years Philly has seen its share of teases and heart breaks. It's almost like "They've never been kissed"...OHHHH SHIIIIIIT, FOR THE LADIES POST!!!!!!!

we can accomplish two things in the post. 1. Use our prediction skills, because I actually have not seen the movie, although it seems like a layup. 2. We can examine the psyche of Philadelphia fans.

Lets begin.
Plot- I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I assume Drew Barrymore, was and ugly duckling in her younger years. A Nerd. With Braces. Well, that is kinda like Philly, the fans in Philadelphia have their history, many moons ago nobody really liked them. I'm also going to assume that Drew has never been kissed. That's just like Philly, I mean I guess Philly has been kissed, but that was back in 83, so to put it into perspective, most of our authors have not seen a Philadelphia championship. I think we can say Philly has never been kissed, or laid. Ok so I'm assuming the young nerdy Drew blossoms into a mildly attractive 20 something (maybe 30) She is so focused on her great job that she doesn't have time for a relationship, she may accidentally fall in love, or...she may have just screwed up all the relationships in her life. We'll go with the later, because Philly has also screwed up some kissing opportunities. See Phillies 93, Sixers 2001, Eagles, 2004. Finally I'm going to assume Drew meets some knight in shining armor, she kisses him, and it's a magical moment. Well we all saw what happened Wednesday for the Phils.
Age- As I stated earlier, I'm assuming Drew Barrymore is a 20 something. I'm thinking late 20's, maybe 28. The last time Philadelphia has won a championship was 25 years ago, 28 for the Phils.

Drew Barrymore probably meets some strapping fellow who she falls in love with. Mabye someone unexpected, maybe an old friend. The Phils also had a cast of characters, and if we're going with the strapping young fellow, look no further than world series MVP Cole Hamels.

This is more about Barrymore than the actual movie. Barrymore has alot of history, she was a shining star as a child, ET was awesome. However, she recently has had some repulsive material. Furthermore, she really isnt that attractive. Philly also has alot of history, Bells, signed documents, kites and keys, The Philadelphia Project. I mean Philly gives me a history boner. But they also have some not so flattering history including but not limited to: iceballs-santa, batteries, the 700 level, booing Michael Irvin as he lay motionless on the ground. Finally, Philly is not an attractive city, kinda like Barrymore, there is alot of history, but do you really want to go there?

Like I said earlier I'm 100% sure Barrymore finds her one true love, they resolve all conflicts, and she gets kissed in a heartwarming moment.
Wednesday, Philly had their own heartwarming moment.

So there you have it guys, and gals. The Phillies World Series win is just like never been kissed.

Nice win Philadelphia you deserved it.
And please don't kill me if I wear a Cardinals hat.


  1. "Oh dang it, I left something at the office. Good thing I'm not really a baseball fan, so I don't miss not watching the game. Hey there's a parking spot right here! Right in front of my office! This is my lucky night! I'll be in and out in no time."

    Owner of the displaced Red Accord

  2. yeah I feel no remorse for the owner, if you didnt take public transportation, and park your car outside the city, then you are a dumbass

  3. 2001 Sixers didn't have missed opportunities. They just ran into Shaq and Kobe in their prime. They had no shot.

    Also, I think this was the best "For The Ladies" post yet.


  5. shit it got taken down.

    needless to say, some dumb asshole from philly climbed up on a traffic sign above a busy street. someone hucks a vodka bottle at him, which hits him in the head and he falls to the ground. there is much cheering.

  6. yeah I saw that one, it was glorious. A direct shot to the head.

  7. Update, We now have the video and all of its glory

  8. Pretty good all around. But have you guys seen them LOOT?!?!?!

    It's like Somalia up in there. Which reminds me. I really, REALLY want to be in a riot of some sort. Remember that game where you were in a riot and you had to run around beating the shit out of people and looting things? That game gave me a gaming hardon.

    Unfortunately, I live in Texas, where the going motto is, "you loot, we shoot." Not good for the looting bidness.

  9. you're thinking of "State of Emergency"

    it was average.