Wednesday, October 8, 2008

"Offensive Wunderkint" Franklin Out as OC at Auburn

First off, let me clear a couple of things up about why I'm writing this article.

  • I'm having to stay late at work and I'm a remarkable kind of bored that makes me feel like I could lift a car if that were the only thing available to smash someone's face.

  • I don't care about the outcome of the upcoming game between Auburn and Arkansas in Fayetteville. The game does not matter as Auburn is twice defeated and Arkansas is quite literally retarded when it comes to footballing.

  • It's somewhat interesting to dissect this turn of events.
But in the news today is the supposed savior of the Auburn offense, Tony "Wiley Beard" Franklin, was abruptly shat on by Coach Tommy Tuberville, and shown the door. The War Eagles made a pretty ballsy move last December, prior to the oh-so-prestigious and much-ballyhooed Chick-Fil-A Bowl by bringing Franklin on board. Franklin's run-and-gun spread offense was a completely different direction from Tuberville's prior tailback tailored offense, which had produced such running backs as Cadillac Williams and Ronnie "Thanks for Being on my Fantasy Team" Brown.

It turned out Franklin's offense was just that: offensive.

Auburn's defense could have been playing both sides of the ball and probably would have fared better. Without a true quarterback to lean on, and seemingly no way of producing a touchdown without the signed consent of Congress, Auburn's offense has been anemic. They rank near dead last in every offensive category, and I do mean every single one. Of course, the lack of quarterback might be over exaggerating the problem facing teams in the SEC like Auburn, as Arkansas' local drunk Casey Dick is leading the SEC in passing. Sounds like a Twilight Zone to me.

So Coach Tubby axed Franklin. But what does this mean for the Arkansas game coming up this weekend. Short answer: Nothing. Long answer? Nothing at all.

The Tubbmeister has claimed that his offense will look more like the good ole days, where Auburn would like up a fullback and a tailback, run it down people's throats and win every game (but no National Championships...whammy!). Of course that's just simple posturing, claiming that his team still has chances to win. On the flip side of that, it's true that there's nowhere to go but up for the Tigers, offensively speaking that is.

The spread right now is for Auburn to go up by 18. Were I Don Delaware (and by no means would I ever attempt to lay claim to such a lofty title), I'd pick a bigger spread now that Tubby can be Tubby.

God, Arkansas is ungood.

1 comment:

  1. I stand gleefully correted. Thank God Auburn is something awful.