Wednesday, May 20, 2009

NBA Playoffs: Conference Finals

Dwight: I can haz?
Kobe and LeBron: No.

At the risk of sounding like I've become part of the hype machine, I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Kobe and Bron in the finals. I want the Nuggets to beat the Lakers, I really do, but think about what it would deprive us of. This would be the match-up of the century. Abysmal muppet commercials aside, Kobe-Bron would be destined for the same conversation as Wilt-Bill.

They are the two best players in the world. They are the best players on the two best teams in the league. It's been meant to be since before the season started.

Kobe and LeBron are at the top of the games, and yet, are polar opposites. One grew up rich playing hoops with his pro baller dad. One grew up poor and never knew his dad. One's substantially older. One forced a trade from the team that drafted him, while the other has embraced his hometown team and will [most likely] never leave. One's a jokester, one seems aloof and standoffish. One's image is untarnished, the other's is unfortunately synonymous with anal rape. They are their own doppelgangers, the yin to the other's yang.

But look how they've gotten to where they are presently, this season. One rains sixty in the World's Most Famous Arena, the next one shows up and drops a 52-point triple-double. They both flush 40-ft buzzer beaters like they could care less.

Currently, Kobe just put up 40 points over the West's second-best player's 39 to take the 1-0 lead over the Sticky Nuggs (please win, Nuggets. Please?). As I type, Bron is going up against the best Center in the league, and the East's third best player. His last four-possession stretch went like this: Bron blocks Rashard Lewis; Bron thunders home a dunk; Bron blocks Dwight Howard; Bron hits a three.

As far as teams go, I want the Nuggets and Cavs to win.

But as a fan...

Join me or Die. Can you do any less?


  1. I intentionally wrote this as kind of opaque, and for that I apologize. I will happily answer questions here in the comment section.

  2. I think we're getting greedy here. I mean didn't we have the top two players in the world square off in the finals just a few years ago. you guys obviously don't remember the Wade-Nowitzki match-up.


  3. "One's image is untarnished, the other's is unfortunately synonymous with anal rape."

    I'm still waiting the "Where Amazing Happens" commercial with Kobe in Colorado.

  4. Let's just worry about breaking Dwight Howards legs for now.

  5. @deafmutemagic- sarcasm doesn't work over the internets that well. If you're not being sarcastic, please punch yourself in the balls.

  6. My bad. Forgot to put 'siiiiike' there at the end.

  7. That might make a good list.

    How much does Icehouse hate Dirk?

  8. Dirk is out of sight our of mind for the time being, except for the hilarious headlines involving Cristal (like the champagne) Taylor.

  9. Yeah I like how Tony Banks was all like "Damn that bitch was crazy."

  10. I just got back from working out and ESPN is advertising 23&24 which chronicles the seasons of you guessed it. Bron and Kobe.

  11. They're hyping the shit out of it. Not that they're wrong, it's just annoying.

    Maybe we should have a Nuggets-Magic finals and save 23v24 for next year.