Thursday, May 7, 2009

A-Rod Ultimately to Blame for Manny Testing Positive For Performance Enhancing Drugs

SUNNYVILLE, Fla. — Alex Rodriguez, the beguiled and admittedly juiced Yankees 3B, had no comment to allegation that Manny Ramirez had indeed tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, which is undoubtedly the fault of A-Rod, who is currently rehabbing in Florida from an injury incurred while dog fighting.

A-Rod cowardly denied any involvement with the former Red Sox slugger, despite a number of allegations that he is in fact to blame.

"I have no f***ing idea what you're talking about," said a tear-soaked and obviously guilty Rodriguez.

The reporter, disgusted with the Yankee's obvious disdain and irreverence toward the game of baseball, turned away to vomit.

The hapless and down-right-happy-go-lucky Manny Ramirez said he believes A-Rod betrayed him and the game itself when he himself tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.

"Is just Manny being Manny," the slugger said through a bright and wide grin, causing all of the reporters to chuckle, guffaw, and get autographs.

Commissioner Bud Selig applauded the effort of the investigative team that followed the bread crumbs from Ramirez's positive testing back to A-Rod.

"I was honestly a little worried back there for a bit," said Selig. "I didn't think that we had enough evidence to connect the dots and pin the guy (A-Rod) down, that a-hole.

"I'm just glad justice is being served."

Manny was erroneously suspended for 50 games instead of A-Rod, yet tragically, as soon as he was cleared of the suspension, he pulled a hammy and will sit for the next 50 games anyway. Reports that Mark McGuire may be behind the injury are still pending.


  1. Now, now, lets not get too carried away on A Rod. You may be on to something with the whole "breadcrumbs" theory, that there might be a "ring leader" who distributes these roids to the players.

    When you compare Ramirez to A-Roid, who is the common link? Hint: It's not Chuck Norris and doesn't rhyme with "Blow Laurie"

    I think we have ourselves a conspiracy theory

  2. sorry, it DOES rhyme with that.

  3. Manny didn't test positive for steroids.

  4. So he Tests positive for some type of fertility pill. evidently it is used to boost testosterone.

  5. Lattimer, it's cool; It's all ARods fault.