GAINESVILLE, Fla. — At the precipice of his senior and final year at the University of Florida, a wayward QB Tim Tebow is rethinking his decision to stay in and not hang out with the massive throng of inebriates, Jezebels and heathens at Florida, all of whom would gladly think he was the coolest guy ever.
"I mean, you only go to college once, right?..." said an obviously uncomfortable Tebow. "They can't ALL be THAT bad?"
Tebow claims that his devotion to the craft of circumcision prohibits him from delving into the ranks of the godless sodomites that routinely give him high fives and ask to hang out with him. However, as of late, Tebow has been expressing what many consider to be a change of heart on the matter, especially with regard to drunken frivolity with members of the opposite gender.
Rodney "Two Hole" Branski, a 6-year business or history junior at Gainesville, says that he's "totally stoked" Tebow may be starting to loosen up, and would gladly buy him a shot or nine.
"Dude, he's the best," said Branski. "WHO'S BETTER THAN TEBOW?! NOBODY!!" Branski then ended the interview by throwing up everywhere.