Monday, May 4, 2009

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

So for my inaugural attempt at the SS, we will have something very near and dear to all of our hearts.

The sports cliche.

You can't watch a game without hearing one, or even hearing someone trying to make up a new one.

They're ubiquitous. They're also kind of ridiculous. Many apply universally.

My favorite one: "Both teams played hard."
You hope to see this every game, but sometimes it just bears noting. At other times, it's used as a qualifier to make it ok that you just saw something awful.

So put down your favorite/least favorite sports cliche. For bonus points, give an announcer who uses it the best.


  1. "He's got a nose for the ball."
    -Chris Collinsworth

    It's funny, because that's how I describe gay people.

  2. "He's got active hands."

    It's another way of saying, "he plays good defense," but is almost like saying, 'jazz fingers.'

  3. I love it when coaches say: "I'd like to go ahead and give credit to (insert team)." It's either because they kicked your ass, or because you kicked their ass and you are trying to make them feel better about themselves. In my experience coaches rarely want to give credit to other teams.

  4. "He's a high motor type of guy"
    -Mel Kiper

    It basically means he plays defense the right way.

  5. "He's a tweener"
    -My main man Mike Mayock

    Code for we have no fucking clue where he will play or how he will do.

  6. "The team of the future."

    Recent 'teams of the future' have included the Nets, BETcats, Blazers, Hornets, and this year, Thunder.

  7. "He's wise beyond his years."

    Translation: 'He's already figured out some of the dirtier tricks.'

  8. "We played good enough to win" you didn't

  9. "I'm going to Disney World!" - Trent Dilfer, following the Ravens' Super Bowl victory. didn't. Ray Lewis did. Too bad he's too real for the cameras.

  10. "Put a hat on somebody."

    I actually really, really like this one, for whatever reason.

  11. Ok "blue collar"

    It's code for, he's really not that good but we like him.

    It should mean that a guy is a professional (cliche) and works hard on and off the field.

    In my mind T.O is blue collar, however we save this cliche for the likes of Brett Favre, Wes Welker, and Bill (dirty) Romanowski.

    oh sure you have off the field stuff with T.O, but if you've never seen a blue collar guy complain about shit, then you obviously have never worked a blue collar job.

  12. and let me add to that.

    Walter Payton/Chuck Bednarick are the definition of blue collar.

  13. "It's a shame someone had to lose."
    -any coach after an overtime game

    B.S., either you're glad the other team lost or you wish you would have come out on top. You don't care about the other team.

  14. "Playing like a well-oiled machine."

    I guess I don't have a problem with this one. Still funny.

  15. "This is a business trip"

    So does that mean we get to go to strip clubs and get hammered?

  16. "Take it one game at a time."

    As opposed to, you know, playing three or four at a time.

  17. "He's a thug."

    Translation: He has tattoos and I fear him.

  18. @Icehouse — "Put a hat on him."In the same vein of cliches that one can confidently endorse, let me say that I enjoy the phrase "Give 'em somethin' they can't wash off with soap 'n' water," which must then be followed by a tremendous spit of tobacco resting on some kid in the huddle's cleat.

    Thanks, Coach Chilton.

  19. My all time favorite for football:


    Usually this is stated by the next Bill fucking Walsh.


  20. "Third/Fourth Quarter Collapse."

    I love this one as well. But then again, I like to see tragedies.

  21. "Shoulda done betta." - Anonymous fan of winning team, to losing team

    Well no shit, Sherlock.

  22. "Let's not go down without a fight"

  23. "Just play catch"

  24. "We need to just play our game.''

  25. just anything to do with one's "game-face"

  26. "Just play catch" for the win.