Joey Crawford Hates America.

He kicked your dog yesterday. He spat in the face of the brunette from the Blackberry Storm commercials. He always bet against Mike Vick’s dog. He smokes Newports. He anally raped Marcin Gortat. He’s the one that calls the cops if your music is too loud after 9 pm. His favorite movie is Paul Blart: Mall Cop. He’s Superman’s nemesis. The designated hitter was his idea. He killed Eddie Griffin. That smell? Joey Crawford. His favorite show is Around the Horn. He pisses on the seat. He produced Common’s Universal Mind Control. He shot Tupac. He cancelled Arrested Development. He shot Carl Landry. If it were up to Joey Crawford, the alley-oop would be outlawed. He curses the sun, and shoots songbirds with his bb gun. Anti-alcohol laws are called “blue laws” in the United States and pro-rape laws are called “Joey Crawford laws” in fundamentalist Islamic countries. Joey Crawford hates the Inside the NBA team.