White Sox Only Beaten by 19 Runs Today

SOUTHSIDE — A breath of fresh air flowed through southern Chicago as the beloved White Sox were only beaten by 19 runs on Thursday at the hands of the Minney-Soda Twins.

“Hey, it could have been worse,” said Coach Ozzie Guillen. “It could have been 20, 21, 22 runs, 23, 24, 25 points, 26, 27, 28…”

The White Sox, who had eight whole hits in the game, tried to mount an offensive in the eighth inning, when the score was 20-0, and liked there odds.

“Man, we had ‘em right where we wanted ‘em,” said A.J. Perznejenskidowlakowski, the team catcher. “I really thought we were on the verge of a decent rally there in the eighth, but, alas! Just a little too late.”

“42 runs could have separated us from victory, but it wasn’t 42, it was 19,” continued Guillen. “And it sure as heck wasn’t 43 or 44 runs. 45? Get out. 46 runs? Now that might be something to be upset about, but I think 19 is just about where we want to be. 47, 48 runs, 49…”

P Bartolo Colon says that he’s encouraged by the Twins’ 20-hit game.

“I mean, we held them to double digits, man,” said Colon holding up two fingers, grinning. “That’s like two points!”

“I’d shoot myself if we ever got beat by 114 runs, and I don’t think it’s ever happened before,” said a red-faced Guillen. “115? I’d wake up from killing myself over 114 and wouldn’t be able to believe it. 116, 117 runs…”

“The main thing is that we tried or hardest, and that we’re all still close as a team,” said Bat Boy Timmy Welch.

In a completely unrelated event, Skipper Ozzie Guillen was arrested after beating Welch over the head with a bag of bat-weights, and was also cited for public intoxication.