Monday Morning S--t Storm

It's Memorial Day which means many of us are going to spend our day on a deck, next to a grill, and playing various yard games.

However, we should also remember and give thanks to all of the servicemen who gave their lives and still continue to serve.

Since we're a sports/culture site I decided to give you a little Memorial Day reading.

One of the better SI pieces I've ever read profiled Bob Kalsu. An All-American at Oklahoma, who was drafted into the NFL only to join the fight in Vietnam


Very similar to Pat Tillman

Have a safe one gang.

Friday Afternoon Funbag!

One of my favorite Cardinals, for some reason, is the ever-defensive, 'stache-totin', getting-better-batsman SS Brendan Ryan. I think it's because last year, everyone had good-luck mustaches to kick the season off, and he kept his through October. The Boog is a team player. Here's him after the Cardinals clinched the NL Central. Hope there are more pics like this elsewhere.

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND! I don't know exactly what I'm doing, but man, I could really go for a swim. I want to be outside, enjoying the heat of the sun and the cool of a beer, and the inexplicable joy I get/give from being shirtless. Hooboy. I'm ready for this.

Onto this week's funbag.

A real hoverboard exists apparently. KSK provocateur Big Daddy Drew dismisses it, as it cannot sustain a person yet. WE MUST CRAWL BEFORE SPRINT, ANDREW.

HOVERBOARD - NILS GUADAGNIN from nils guadagnin on Vimeo.

As someone who hosts an online webbing page, I appreciate William of Ferrell answering his fan mail so publicly.



Boys being Boys by flinging themselves into/at dumpsters from shopping carts. WEEEE!!!



A perfectly sane and rational fellow releases forth his mounting frustration upon his delightful computing book device.



In another instance of computer-related tomfoolery, Glenn Kitsmiller here can't figure out the whole Print Screen/SysRq button at the top right hand corner of his keyboard. Oh, Glenn! You'll NEVER reach supervisor that way!



In another instance of "WEEEE!!!!" related tomfoolery, this is one of the first viral videos that ever happened. It's like hearing a pretty cool story from your Great Uncle, while you're Grandpa just buries his head in his hands, muttering to himself.



That is all. Oh yeah, and Sam the Eagle says something about Memorial Day to American Women everywhere. Have a good one.

OMG! WELL-TIMED REBOUND AND SUBSEQUENT LAY UP!

THE BALL WENT IN THE CIRCLE AS TIME EXPIRED! GOOD THING KOBE BRYANT MISSED THAT THREE POINT SHOT, SAYS RONALD ARTEST, EH COWORKERS? HUZZAH! I KNEW THE LAKERS WOULD WIN BECAUSE THEY ARE THE TEAM THAT HAS MOST RECENTLY WON A CHAMPIONSHIP AND USED TO EMPLOY THE SERVICES OF MAGIC JOHNSON.


I watched a How I Met Your Mother rerun last night. If you're not watching that show, you're missing out on some good ole fashioned, American, all-Caucasian guffawing.

Pats fans: lost at sea

Ay! You facking moolies needed a picture to perfectly encapsulate the glorious Patriots franchise? Well here it is.

Look! Our mast is broken! That means that we will go no further than we've already gone. We are now just drifting while the rest of the AFC East gets younger and better.

And look at our jerseys! Vrabel, Brady... and #2? Who the fack is that? Flutie? We would rather root for a white person than anybody that actually PLAYS FOOTBALL!

Fack! My Camel Crushes got wet.

Image via

Caption Contest!

YES! Memorial Day is close! We're on the home stretch. Let's have a good cap con.

First up, David Beckham. Ready for war.


Now, Kevin Garnett and Vince Carter. One clearly cares more than the other. If you watch tonight's game, this will also be evident.


And finally, for no reason at all, Vlade Divac and Weeman.


Have at it. These should be good. Send to your friends, they might even want to get in on the fun.

I could never bring myself to wear this shirt

But it is some of that naughtysauce.


Seriously gangster. I need someone to make this shirt with Tim Duncan's face. Then I would be excited.


I've been absent for a while, especially considering the NBA Playoffs are going on. I'll make an effort to have something up on the impending 2008 Finals rematch jinxjinxjinx!

Shirt via

Brought to my attention via

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

Last night was the series finale of Lost, or as I like to call it "Gilligans Island on Acid."

I didn't watch it because I could care less about smoke monsters, however it does bring up a nice little shit storm.

What is the best series finale of all time?

Now, for our writers/readers who continually disregard the prompts presented in the shit storm I do want to emphasize that this is best FINALE not the best TV show.

Understood?

As you probably surmised this storm is yet another excuse to talk about the greatest TV show of all time.

The Wire.



This is also an excellent opportunity (For myself and Icehouse) to flex our Wire elitism by showing how our show is better than your show.

Go ahead and challenge us. Everyone who had some sort of emotional experience during Lost, grew up with Friends, or thought Seinfeld is bigger than it actually is have NO FUCKING CLUE.

Let's examine The Wire series finale.


In the final montage we see that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Corner boys will still be slinging, cops drinking, politicians corrupting, newspapers dying, hoppers.....hopping, addicts shooting, and honest people will still climb the uphill battle of doing right in this world.

While the 5th season wasn't the best it did accomplish a lofty goal. The ever cynical Simon did manage to tie up some emotional connection we've had over the years while giving enough information to predict/debate what would come of our favorite characters in the future.

That and Cheese died.

Ok so let's hear it. Best series finale.

It's all in the game.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Fix your beer goggles, Shawn Marion. Slumpbusters won't get you out of the first round.

WOOO! BOUT FUCKING TIME IT'S FRIDAY! This week has fucking draaaaaaaaged.

First up, some fake-ass dudes shoot hoops from airplanes.


Next up, remember to not fuck with deer if you're a fat tub of goo.


Chelsea FC won the Premier League and the FA Cup. They celebrated. Someone threw John Terry a beer, so he could slam it.


Well, I'm a Simpsons nerd, so this was pretty cool to me.


And for no real reason, here's one of my favorite commercials of all time. Too dope.


Get amped, bitches. Champions League Final is tomorrow. Boom.


It's not like we needed more reason to like Rasheed Wallace, but here he is doing the Carlton dance from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.


50 Cent found the new hottest rapper. Here he is introducing him.


I know this has blown shit up on the Internet, but it's worth putting up here. Dale Peterson and his chief-of-staff Winchester are going straight to the top.


Here's something to freak you out and ruin your afternoon.


OK! THAT'S IT FOR TODAY, CHUMPSTYLES! I'M THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! GET YOUR ASSES OUTSIDE! WOOOO! CAPSLOCK WEEKEND! ENGAGE!

"I think my elbow's broken. An anti-inflammatory isn't going to help."

I was going to save this for the fun bag, but it merits its own post. The RadioShack team shows up just after Lance Armstrong's crash in California this week. Then it's a front-row view in the support cars as they troubleshoot the injuries that Lance sustained. Something that none of us get to see.

Nike Futbol and the World Cup

We knew that Nike Football was going to bring the pain in commercial form for the World Cup. I had seen tidbits earlier, and today got treated to the video above.

It's good It's no Take It To The Next Level or Freestyle, but what is? I personally love Rooney with the beard. He should rock that. Also, they couldn't get a Brazilian besides Ronaldinho? You know, a Brazilian that's actually playing in the World Cup?

Thoughts? Likes? Dislikes? Comments section.

OMG! DOUBLE FUNK!

ThreeTwo reasons for posting:

1.) Wanted to beat Icehouse to it. What, just because he's taller, more athletic, actually plays and actually follows the sport, he's the only one who gets to blog about it? Zounds!

2.) It's awesome. That's simple enough.

3.) Nothing gets me going like two athletic guys dangling in the air by their hands and rubbing their nubile bodies against one another like so.

TWO REASONS. TWO MEN. ONE DUNK.

OMG! FUNNK!

John Wall 'Extremely Disappointed' Probable Selection By Washington Will Not Make Him Actual Wizard

RALEIGH, N.C. - NCAA Player of the Year John Wall said his initial cheer at the possibility of playing for the NBA in Washington was slightly less-enthusiastic after word that he would not actually gain the powers and abilities of a wizard if drafted by the team.

The Wizards, who won last night's NBA Draft Lottery despite their low odds, are expected to select the prospect Wall based off his stellar freshman year at Kentucky. Wall, who stated he believed the New Jersey Nets would win, was elated at the news, but now only less so.

"I was so amped, man," said Wall. "I felt like that sorting hat was on my head, and it put me in Washington House. First thing I did was buy an friggin owl. Where am I supposed to put that stupid bird now?"

Wall said he was happy to have been so well-versed in Lord of the Rings terminology, and thanked his mother for showing him Fantasia as a child, but disappointed he wouldn't be able to manipulate matter with a wand, fly straddled on a broom, or battle any sort of dragons.

"I was ready to stab me a dragon. But sometimes that's how the chips fall," said Wall. "And I'm still going to grow a big ass gray beard."

At time of press, no further word on Spanish-prospect Ricky Rubio's coincidental transformation into a werewolf.

Caption Contest!

Good shit storm everybody. Good lazy Tuesday. Now we gots a caption contest. Let's party.

First up, KG and Kendrick Perkins meet President George W. Bush.


And now, Hideki Matsui has a sad. Or a sleepy, whatever.


Enjoy.

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

So this is last week's news but evidently there was some type of track controversy involving girls, poles, vaulting, and friendship bracelets.
Now we could debate the whole issue of letter/spirit of rules, but that's not really the issue.

What the coach did was a dick move. If you want to enforce rules then tell the official prior to the jump.

So for this shit storm we'll examine the biggest dick stories in sports.





I have a couple stories.

First one involves something similar to the videos above. We were in a 7 on 7 tournament. Our team had a bye for the particular time slot so we decided to check out some of the better teams in the state. Anyway we have two big powers going at it. There is a close play, two kids collide. No harm, no foul until one coach decides to bow up in one kid's face.

We also had a rival coach sit in a public parking lot filming our practices. We beat them 42-0 that year and eventually it was discovered that the coach was sleeping with 16 year olds. Karma is a bitch.

Ok let's hear the stories. Shit Storm begin.

Friday afternoon Fun Bag!!!

"Welcome to the Lou and what we do is a Lou thang"

Ok Icehouse and Stovall are down in Memphis smoking meat......

IT'S THE BBQ FEST YOU PERVS.

Regardless, the fact remains that the weekend is upon us and the funbag marks the official begininng of booze consumption.

.....Aaaaaaaaaaand begin.

Have you ever felt sorry about yourself? Think YOU have problems to deal with? Is YOUR life really really super hard?

Prepare to feel like shit.



I used to be a company man. By that I mean I would only drink Busch products, however as the video below points out, that company has been bought by some Arabs that probably don't even have a country. Fellow Missourian Tom Raper has inspired me to change my beer to PBR keep drinking Yuengling.


Wooooooo roll the pitch!!!!!


I've got nothing on this one, just wait for the Phil Collins drum solo. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be totally bewildered.


There has been a lot of talk concerning the new immigration bill in AZ. All I would suggest is to just walk that shit out for a while.
/LWO reference.


Finally, I'm graduating again this weekend. I'll inevitably have to hear someone tell students who are all dressed exactly the same to become individuals. My advice to the Hobbers is regardless of what you do, do it with every ounce of passion and energy in your body. Take Norm here as an example.


Ok Hobbers, have fun, be safe, write if you find work.

Help support the Auburn Football team

College football pimp/evil genius, Spencer Hall has noticed that The Auburn Tigers are now having an open poll to determine their team intro song.

Yes that's right, it seems that our favorite SEC University is seeking a song to lead their team onto the plains. Sure, it may seem a little Nebraska "Tunnel Walk" or the legendary Hokie entrance to "Enter Sandman."

I feel as though we need to honor Sir Hall's wishes and give Auburn a proper intro.

That's right.


Justin Bieber.

Per the instructions: go here
Type in "Baby" by Justin Bieber
Fill in fake names/emails
Do the number thingy
Watch history happen.

WAR DAMN BIEBER!!!!

McWuncler's All-Americans: Guerdwich Montimere

It was a good run, my man.

Mr. Montimere here pulled out all the stops to make the American dream happen. Unfortunately, he just saw one too many movies.

Mr. Montimere, like all of our ancestors, came to this country by floating aimlessly through the Caribbean on a raft. Once reaching the promised land of southern Florida, Montimere knew that this was the land where he could carve out a life for himself playing basketball.

After a moderately successful career at Dillard High School in Fort Lauderdale, Montimere wasn't ready for his basketball career to end just yet. So he combined what he learned from the two most critically-acclaimed sports movies of the past decade. From Friday Night Lights, he learned that few communities in the world are as devoted to high school sports as Odessa, Texas. From The Blind Side he learned that high school coaches will totally let you stay in their house with their hot wife and daughter.

It bears noting here that this award is given out to a commitment to paper-stacking. For those of you unfamiliar with the lifestyle, grifting strangers for free room and board is the hobo equivalent of hustling and paper-stacking. Also, everybody from Haiti is homeless. This has been true since before the earthquake.

So he rode the rails from Florida to Texas. Undoubtedly enjoying the warm embraces and culture of areas settled by French colonists, much like Haiti.

Once in Texas, he started over by picking up where he left off. A 6-5 forward with the newly adopted nom de guerre Jerry Joseph, Montimere was named Newcomer of the Year after leading the Permian Panthers to the playoffs.

He probably would still be Odessa pimping if it hadn't been for those snitch bitches from Dillard, who recognized him at a tournament in Arkansas, and blew the whistle on the whole scam. Mr. Montimere is a tragic case that highlights one of the most important rules in life: stay the hell out of Arkansas.

For outstanding effort in hard-scrabble hustling, and prolific disrespect of public education, we award Guerdwich "Jerry Joseph" Montimere this month's McWuncler's All-American award.

Caption Contest!

Everybody get excited for Wednesday! Hilarious photos need captioning!

First, Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniel disagree about something. They're probably arguing about which toilet seats are the most fun to piss on.


Next, Lou Piniella wants a hug. Or a better call. Can't tell.


And finally, Detlef Schrempf gets an earful from Dennis Rodman.


Caption that shit. Sound good? You guys do the dirty work. I'm busy.

Monday Morning S--t Storm!!!

Yesterday Dallas Braden pitched a perfect game against the Rays.

Last Monday we saw a young Philly Phanatic get the shock of his life after running onto the field. This second event is special to me because I was there. To Witness this. LIVE.

Which got me thinking, what sporting event/achievement would the hobbers like to see.

I'm not talking about "I want to see the Superbowl" it's more "I want to see someone break the TD record in the Superbowl."

My pick would be to see a football game where a team racks up over 1000 yards of offense. The closest we came was Houston's run and shoot against Arizona State in 1990. David Klingler threw for 732. So now all we need is a 300 yard rusher and we're good to go. Easy right?


(Only David Klingler youtube video)

Actually this was a debate we always had on the practice field, that is, if it is actually possible to get 1000 yards of offense. So if it ever did happen I'd like to be there.

There it is. Sporting achievement/event you'd like to see. Get after it.

Shit Storm begin.

Let's not jump to conclusions

Brosephs,

Today we have heard terrible news that a fellow bro Brian Cushing has been busted for PED use. Now everyone is jumping to conclusions assuming the PED is linked to steroids. However, here at GRH we look at the facts in order to make logical conclusions. Let's examine the evidence, shall we?

The picture above is a comparison between Brian Cushing his Freshman year and Junior year respectively. It's obvious he's made gains, but I'd argue those are completely natural gains. As famed fictional football coach Sam Winters once said, "It's easy to gain 35 lbs of muscle in the offseason.....if you work hard." From all accounts Cushing has worked extremely hard, he's constantly in the weight room, busting out reps. It's almost as if he's different. He has something special, seperating him from everyone in the NFL. You know what that special thing is?


WORK ETHIC.

Oh sure, he was a 165 lb high school freshman who turned himself into a 215 lb senior prospect. You know how that happens?

PUBERTY.

Cushing also hails from New Jersey, a state known for their proactive stance on steroid abuse.

I'm sure some of you may link his trainer Joe DeFranco to being a disciple of Westside Barbell and pro-steroid supporter Louie Simmons. But, this isn't the seven degrees of Kevin Bacon, this is football. This is Cushing bro.

Finally, look at where our fellow broseph went to school. That's right. USC. The cleanest program in the country. Look at their cheerleaders, they're white and they have sweaters. That screams innocence and class.

In short, the main stream media is going to try to take down this naturally gifted athlete, but we bro's have to stay together. We have to help this fellow broseph through these hard times, hell someone like Clay Mathews may be next.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to rep out on some curls.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

What's up. Shaq has a panda.



Whoa, hey, what's going on here?

Nothing to see here, just Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Gerard Pique of FC Barcelona talking something over. Talking very breathily... and... ok yeah, they're gay.

Whatever. Shaq has a panda. That's all we need to know.


WOOOO! FUCKING FRIDAY! I was supposed to work in Austin today. But no go, so I was going to leave early this afternoon instead. Guess where I am? Yeah, that's right. In the fucking office in Dallas. GOD DAMN IT. Fuck it. Let's fun bag.

First of all, here's South African hip hop group Die Antwoord with their new single, Enter the Ninja.

Weird, huh? Yeah, I'm starting to rethink having the World Cup there.

Last week I talked some smack about the Kentucky Derby. These next two videos are to make up for that.

First we have Rick Ross and John Legend with a song about horses or something.


And next, the most exciting run that happens at the Derby.


In Boston, "to Rondo" is now a verb.


And because the Boondocks have returned.


Amir Johnson is better at impersonating Andre 3000 than he is at playing basketball.


That's it for today, assbags. Take it easy.

Umbro is Making Sure the Ladies Don't Feel Left Out This Summer

A new series of shirts featuring some of the favorite teams of this year's World Cup is being advertised by Umbro using the hot wives and girlfriends of some of the world's biggest soccer stars. I have to admit that not only are the shirts attractive, the ladies are as well.

representing England is Abbey Clancy fiance of Peter Crouch

representing Italy is Alice Bregoli, the girlfriend of Alberto Gilardino

representing Uruguay is Zaira Nara wife of Diego Farlan 

representing France is Charlene Suric, wife of Gael Clichy 

representing Argentina is Luli Fernandez, girlfriend of Pablo Mouche

and finally representing Germany is Julia Godicke wife of Marcell Jansen

and representing Brazil is Susana Werner, wife of Julio Cesar. 

click here to read The Daily Mail article

Caption Contest!

Pictures! Caption them! Yeeeeuh!


BEEEESSSSST FRIEEEEENDS


McNabb and Justin Bieber. A match made in who-gives-a-shit?

Get on it, muhfuckas!

NBA Sportsbetting: Tuesday's Pick and Roll

During Postseason series play in the NBA, your local sportsbook will offer prop bets on outcomes of each series in each conference. Here is a prop bet that Don Delaware considers to have the most value:

Boston Celtics +225 v.s. Cleveland Cavaliers (Series tied 1-1)
To undervalue the Celtics this way is insulting. The Book wants you to buy into the King James media hype and has set a line that makes it look improbable that Boston could win. The Celtics aren't the Bobcats; Boston has a legitimate shot at winning the series against Cleveland. While the Cavs have the best player on the planet, the Celtics are a team of winning veterans; and as we've seen in the past with NBA postseason play, sometimes the best team wins a series (See NBA Finals 2008) and not the team with the best player. Not only is Lebron favoring an injured elbow, but the series is headed to Boston, Doc Rivers is a much better coach, and the Celtics have the better team. PLAY BOSTON +225 TO WIN THE SERIES

For Once I’d Like To Go To A Cardinals Game Where Someone Doesn’t Get Tasered

BRO! NOT AWESOMES!

This kid crashed the Cards at Phillies game last night in the eighth inning immediately before crashing into the ground violently. It’s MLB policy to not encourage other insanely-brilliant-cargo-short-wearing brolumni from doing the same thing by showing them on TV, but cuts to the Cardinals dug out showed everyone grinning from ear to ear and laughing very hard. I thought Joe Mather was going to poop out his ears he was laughing so hard. Ryan Howard had to cover his face on the field from laughing.

But the MLB can’t hold down the viral audience in attendance. 17-year-old Steve Consalvi has his fifteen minutes, will totally get to be Prom King, and if enough people remember it next year, he’ll totally be macking honeys with the rest of the Phi Delts at Penn State.



(As originally published on zackstovall.com. BOOYAH TO SELF-PROGMOLATION!)

Why Kobe Bryant is Not White Hot

The LA Times claims Kobe is "White Hot" but their photo shoot and article make him seem so NOT. 

First off, let me say that I am a Kobe fan. I've met him and can say that he seemed like a great guy. Friendly, chill, and flashing a radiant smile. But when did he loose his sense of self awareness? He comes off looking like a prima donna, being flown in on his helicopter and getting a mani/pedi and facial before he has his makeup applied. I am all for living the luxe life and getting pampered...but seriously? Why write about it. 

And what is with the snood/hoodie? (yes snood is a real fashion item and I swear Ralph Lauren came out with those this year in their women's line.) Or the doofy hat with the bowtie? Come on...

But my main issues with these photos are that he broke shabby chic blonde's cardinal rule about men wearing white. It is acceptable to wear white before memorial day, but not all white. And men should only wear all white under these circumstances: 

1. When the dress code calls for white tie.

2. When playing cricket or tennis. 

3. When it's unbearably hot and you don a very chic white linen suit or sport coat. 

4. If you're a model walking the runway.

5. If you're gay or European you can probably pull it off. 

Fuck you, Joey Crawford

That is all.

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

HA HA! We're all friends!


Wa-eeeellllll it's good to be back. Even though Lattimer is off bettering himself, and Stovall and I have our own new blogs that we are maintaining while working, GRH will always be a nice little home that still requires attention.

Anyway, let's get down to the shit storm. Have you been watching the NBA playoffs? No? You like dude butt don't you?

Ok, just kidding. Even someone that walked past a storefront that had Sportscenter on a display TV can participate in this.

What do you think of the playoffs so far? Surprised by anything? Feel vindicated by anything? How about LeBron winning the MVP, you cool with that?

Who do you hope wins the championship? Who do you really NOT want to win the championship? Who do you THINK WILL win the championship?

Anything you got for the NBA playoffs. Stovall and Deafmute, you guys can even say something like, "I don't care any more now that the SEC's best basketball player, Gerald Wallace, is already bounced." For real, I don't care.