Stop Pissing in my Cheerios

Oh hello, you must be a fringe college football fan who complains about bowl games. You hate them you say? No attendance? No playoffs? Would you allow me to offer a simple rebuttal?

Get fucked.

I love football I love everything about it, and this time of the year I get to sit on my ass and watch football every day. EVERY DAY!!! Look I get it, some of the games are not appealing, but it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure out that people do not want to travel to Shreveport Louisiana the day after Christmas.

And can we stop complaining about not playoffs? Yes the BCS is bass ackwards. It sucks, I get it. However, the closest thing we'll ever get is a plus one formula. This year we'd have LSU, Bama, OSU, and Stanford. I'll take that final four.

(Without bowl games we would have never known about Rusty Whitt)

Lastly, most players I've talked to love bowl games. Why? Well football players typically like playing the game, for some teams it may be their only chance to be on national TV and they get free shit. Let me make my point clear. 18-22 year olds and Best Buy shopping sprees.

In summary, go buy some shitty wine for your next pathetic dinner party and stop cluttering up my twitter feed with your incessant bitching.

Love,
Lattimer

God Bless Us, Every One!

Merry Christmas from the Ghost of Roy Hobbs.

GRH Investment Opportunity

I'll admit, I had way too much fun watching this video. First of all it's foreign which automatically increases the humor level by 25%. Secondly, HAHAHAHA ELECTRIC DOG COLLARS ON SOCCER PLAYERS.

Really the idea is brilliant. So brilliant that I now want to start an electric sports league. The ESL if you will. Think about it, we're just scratching the surface here. The tactics, the competition, the ELECTRICITY!!!


And it's not just limited to soccer, could you think of the fun you could have during a basketball game? it would be unreal. Oh and no probations in our league. You get in trouble and the collar goes on a different body part* for several games. So go ahead and send your money to us, and we'll get this thing rolling.

*Nut sack
**This will become an actual thing in Japan

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Aaaaaaaaaaand we're back. Sorry for the absence Hobbers, we've been neck deep in shit and haven't had the time. We have a guest on tonight, James, who reps the aTm and Broncos. Tonight we talk College football, and the impending rematch between LSU and Alabama. Then we talk a little NFL, and kneel before the altar of Tebow.

So sit back with you're favorite refreshment and join us in while our soothing voices heal your broken soul.

And Now A Word on Tim Tebow

For some reason, everybody only wants to talk about Tim Tebow. Every single goddamn talking head on ESPN is apparently paid per Tebow reference. Which is ok with me, because at least it's not Jerry Sandusky.

The only real problem is that every single person that talks about Tebow tries to view him through the lens that they force down our fucking throats.

How about we think outside that box for a second?

First, they regard this Bronco's scheme as some sort of batshit insane scheme - the likes of which we have never seen before. Don't they call this the wildcat in every other offense? Is there something I'm missing that makes this different? Oh yeah, Tebow's white.

Furthermore, they can't help themselves from sensationalizing EVERYTHING. The dude is 24. Why not actually try watching him play a little football, instead of skipping all the steps and asking "CAN THE BRONCOS WIN THE SUPER BOWL WITH TEBOW?!" Why not ask whether or not the Broncos can make the playoffs first? (Spoiler: Yes, the Broncos can make the playoffs. The AFC West is like the derpshit teenagers in Scream: EVERYBODY'S A SUSPECT) Why not ask if the Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blaine Gabbert? Or the Vikings with Christian Ponder? Aren't they his peers?

What would be nice and refreshing would be if we could all take a step back to look at Tim Tebow.

Believe it or not, there was a time when quarterbacks didn't just sit in the pocket and throw the ball, benefiting from the myriad of rules that protect them. They were just one of several ball carriers, and didn't need to slide if they ran. Tim Tebow happens to be a football player, and that's what nice about him.

I'm really sorry he flies in the face of the Tom Brady and Peyton Manning NFL that pundits and writers have been pushing at us for decades. Sorry you're having a tough time explaining him to the Sportscenter crowd. It might make it a little easier if you showed more games, and less Around the Horn.

People like to talk about how awful he is at throwing the ball. He's pretty bad at it. But so are 20 or so other starting quarterbacks. At least Tebow's useful besides that. And instead of comparing him to current pass-only quarterbacks, why not try to talk about what his strengths are?

Because they're haters. I don't exactly like Tebow or the Broncos, but I hate the haters, and I like watching somebody who's going to stick his face into the pile to try and score touchdowns.

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

We brought in a special guest tonight for our Hobbcast. AND SHE'S A GIRL. Tonight we wrap up the World Series, talk a little about the LSU/Bama deathmatch, and finish off with some NFL football.

Tell your friends, spread the word. Hobbs Akbar.

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Stovall was out tonight so I had to take over the moderation duties. topics include NCAA football, MLB baseball, and fuck Sewanee.

Enjoy.

Investigating the perils of unemployment

[Gawker Office]

New Reporter: Um, hello? Sir?

Gawker Editor: Whadda you want? Look, for the last time, if you have pictures of athletes' penises, just email them to AJ Daulerio. I don't want to see them anymore.

New Reporter: Um, no sir, I'm... I'm your new writer?

Editor: Hm? Oh, that's right. Have a seat. Let's see here. Graduated summa cum laude from University of Wisconsin Madison, did your graduate work at University of Chicago J-school. Not bad, not bad. What makes you think you have what it takes to make it here?

New Reporter: Well, I curated UW's arts magazine, was the editor of the newspaper there, and have had several pieces published in the Trib and Sun-Times.

Editor: CHILD'S PLAY. This. THIS. Is Gawker. NEW MEDIA. Have some goddamn respect. What we do here changes the way people look at the world. YOU SEE THIS?! MILLIONS OF HITS. We are leading the revolution, my friend, and I don't need any more idealistic mama's boys whining about the days of typewriters and wistfully pondering what it was like to be a newsman back in the day. I need a foot soldier for the front lines of the battle against the traditional forces. Can you be that foot soldier for me?

New Reporter: Yes, sir.

Editor: You're not gonna blow your finger off just to get out of duty, are you?

New Reporter: Um, no sir.

Editor: Good. Now here's what we got. People are all about this Occupy Wall Street business. They're out there, fighting the good fight. But we need the human element. I need you to go out there and show the world the victims. Too long have the unemployed remained faceless. Let's show the fat cats up in their ivory towers the damage that they're causing. Now there's a largely elusive group of people, virtually all unemployed, who are aching for an opportunity to speak up.

New Reporter: Disabled veterans?

Editor: No, you halfwit! If we had paper in this office, I'd roll some up and smack you across the mouth with it. I'm talking, of course, about NBA players. Look at this chart.

Editor: You see, these owners are trying to demonize their employees for falling profits. No matter that they have plenty of extra sources of income elsewhere, through concerts, circuses, TV deals and the like. They just want to squeeze their employees out of every cent they earn for them. IT'S JUST LIKE SLAVERY. Actually, figure out a way to work the word "slavery" into your piece. More controversy, more clicks.

New Reporter: Um, I don't really feel comfortable with--

Editor: Well what would you feel comfortable with, hm? A world where newsboys in their jaunty caps peddle newspapers for nickels apiece and there's no other avenue for people to absorb current events and opinion? Oh, we'd all like that. We'd enjoy the hell out of that. But that's not reality. This world has changed. I've had to adapt to survive. So many of my colleagues have fallen along the way. That's just the way the world is. Someday you'll understand.

New Reporter: Sir, aren't you 25 years old?

Editor: I sure am. Now get out there and bring me some sob stories about these players. And try to work a Hitler reference or two in, also. That always tends to boost traffic.

Later that day...

Reporter: Hi, with whom am I speaking?
Deron Williams: Yeah, this is Deron Williams. That's D-E-R-O-N.

Reporter: Yes sir, I'm aware of the spelling of your name.

Deron: Man, thank goodness. You wouldn't believe how many times they spell my name wrong over here in Turkey.

Reporter: I see. And what is it that you are doing in Turkey?

Deron: My job. I play over here until the NBA comes back.

Reporter: So you're not suffering any hardships of unemployment?

Deron: Hell no. I show up, cross some cats, dunk on people. Win some games, then go home. Easy money, man.

Reporter: Ah ok, well, thank you for your time.

Later...


Carmelo Anthony: Who dis?

Reporter: Hi, I'm with Gawker media.

Carmelo: Not my penis, man.

Reporter: Ha ha! Very good sir, no I'm doing a story on the hardships of unemployment for NBA players.

Carmelo: Ok, well I'm at New York's fashion week and these skinny bitches are making fun of my red pants. Shit's hard, man.

Reporter: Thank you for your time, sir.

Later...


Russell Westbrook: [Whispering] Hello? I really can't talk right now.

Baron Davis, Kevin Love, P. Diddy: SHHHHH!

Baron Davis: Tryin' to learn, cuz.

Russell Westbrook: Gotta go.

[click]

Later...

Reporter: Mr. James, can you give me some examples of how the NBA lockout has affected your life?

LeBron James: Hasn't really, I still play basketball, make commercials and give wedgies. And not necessarily in that order, YAKNOWWHATIMSAYIN? Up top!

Much later...

Reporter: I don't suppose you have a story about hardship related to the lockout do you.

Joakim Noah: Keeeeeyahhhh habbada na na!
Reporter: Fuck this.

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Here's the latest edition of the Hobbcast. Today we talk Baseball, Football, and Post apocalyptic sporting events. I think you'll enjoy it very much.

Live Tweeting Auburn and Arkansas' Football Contest, October 8th, 2011

As many of you may know, in a past life I was a journalist. It may also interest you that in this current life of mine, I ALSO made a living by journaling for publications at one point. While I don't do that anymore, I must confess, the bug to fill people's brainholes with knowledge hitherto unknown still gives me quite the itch from time to time, as well as the bedbugs that have infested my bed (NATURALLY).

Such was the case Saturday evening, when I watched the Arkansas Razorbacks play the Auburn War Eagle Tigers (I'm assuming this is some indiginous Native American mythological beast that is part tiger, part eagle, part soldier and part brown, that is able to receive large sums of money without people caring). I began tweeting behind-the-scenes facts about the game and its players. It received a BEVY of responses, and thusly, as per my journalistic mandate, I am sharing them with a larger audience to create even more responses, all of which will grant me a larger profile. Huzzah!

While some may protest my allegiances, know this: a true journalist is one who is objective almost all of the time, except when he is not.

• Auburn Coach Gene Chizik looks like a flesh Muppet Jim Henson aborted and flushed down an oft-used toilet. Pretty sure that's all true.
• It's a shame that the Auburn players holding the play-calling numbers on their sideline are only getting just above minimum wage.
• Michael Dyer burned every bridge he had in the vertically challenged community for using lifts to alter his height. Lifts, in that community, are lies.
• Arkansas RB Broderick Green gets eight to nine hours of eat a night.
• Arkansas RB Dennis Johnson, who suffered a season-ending bowel injury last year, opted for an experimental, speed-enhancing prosthetic during his surgery, hence his nickname "The Batmobile."
• Auburn QB Kiehl Frazier's favorite show, naturally, is "Frasier," even though he doesn't understand what a psychiatrist is or how to spell "Kyle."
• Auburn's starting freshman center, No. 50, is none other than Grammy-winning singer/songwriter Adele.
• Auburn's Barrett Trotter, QB, is currently under NCAA investigation for starring in one of those Toyota commercials where the parents are having a great time without him.
• Gene Chizik's pregame pep talk fell flat when he told a too-soon, albeit hilarious, leprosy/Al-Davis joke. Clearly, his team is still shaken.
• Auburn LB Eltoro Freeman's nickname "The Narrator" come from his ceaseless in-game orations, NOT because his dad is Morgan Freeman, which is also true.
• Auburn's TE Philip Lutzenkirken is pregnant. Please do not tell his parents or the homecoming committee.
• Arkansas Coach Bobby Petrino's genius does not stop on the gridiron. Not only did he invent Groucho Marx masks, but he has invested those earnings BRILLIANTLY.
• Auburn's DeAngelo Benton was that kid in your 10th grade biology class that got way too into dissecting frogs. Also, he always blinks twice when he blinks.
• HALFTIME: Chizik is going back to the Al-Davis-leprosy jokes to fire his team up again, this time using props. This does not bode well for Auburn.
• Auburn's offensive coordinator Gus Mahlzahn has never once used toilet paper, which is somewhat disgusting. However, in his defense, he's never needed it before.
• Auburn QB Kiehl Frazer went through fifteen blue mouthpieces before Gus Mahlzahn convinced him they weren't Airheads, or even edible.
• Sources claim the funniest joke Auburn's Barrett Trotter has heard or told is pronouncing his favorite treat as "Famous Anus Cookies." Get it? Me neither.
• Arkansas' Joe Adams has one rush for 92 yards, the second-longest rush in Arkansas history. Sorry, that bit of trivia was irrelevant.
• Kiehl Frazier has been downing Mike's Hard Lemonades since about halfway through the third quarter. This hasn't impaired his ability at all.

And BEFORE YOU KNEW IT, the game was over. Arkansas had scored 38 points, while Auburn had only scored 14. After some quick statistical analysis from replay officials, aided by the University of Arkansas' Department of Mathematical Sciences, it was determined that Arkansas had more points, and was therefore, the victor.

DID I MISS ANYTHING? Of course not. But if there were some other aspect of this game I neglected to mention due to unimportance, and you would like mentioned, mention it yourself here in our unimportant comments section.

Good day! Godspeed! Cheeseburger!

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I know I've been gone for a while, but every shit stormer needs their own walk about as it were. While I was gone I've been doing things like podcasting, analyzing the offensive tendencies of 14-18 year olds, and I've joined a protest or two. Today I'm protesting work, you can follow me on twitter at #occupylattimerscouch

However, I have had some time to pursue my 7th favorite past time which is watching TV. During one of my sessions, I wondered why there weren't more TV shows centered around sports? I kind of felt like some of the humor and drama was already there, and the writers could also address some of the issues facing the sport.

To be sure, we've had shows like that. Playmakers was probably the first I can remember. The show really addressed the dark side of professional football, and it's cancellation coincides with ESPN's transition from a 20 something bachelor into a suit wearing company man.


I'm sure you all know about Friday Night Lights. (the TV show)It was fun and all. Icehouse was an extra, but let's be honest. FNL was essentially Glee for jocks.


As you can see these two great TV shows follow the same path of most sports TV shows and movies. They just blatantly throw stereotypes and issues right in your face and lack an accurate portrayal of the games. The quick and easy solution to this dilemma is fairly clear, but unfortunately David Simon is busy right now.

So our job for the shit storm is to get together and create a sports drama. In the spirit of the shit storm's triumphant return I say we work together on this one. Someone start off with a sport, and we'll just brainstorm from there.

Shit storm begin.

Delonte West has a plan

If someone had asked me how Delonte West was spending the lockout, I would have taken that as creative license to make up whatever bonkers activity my feeble and withered brain could have come up with in five minutes. Heck, I might have even turned it into one of Booker Pogue and I's lists.

But no. No, according to his twitter feed, and the application above, he is now an employee at Regency Furniture. Somehow, this baffles me more than any other alternative.

True to form, Delonte West is the wild card. A few highlights of the past few years:

• Boned LeBron's mom
• Punched a teammate in practice
• Recorded a freestyle rap about KFC in the parking lot of a KFC
  
• Was arrested for speeding on a Spyder with two handguns and a shotgun in a guitar case

RELEVANT:

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Tonight on our podcast the original 3 hold down the show and continue the fine tradition of Hobbcasting. We get into some Football discussion, while examining the curious habitat of the "Fan Bar." Later we talk a little baseball and look forward to the MLB playoffs.

Have Fun, give us feedback.

College Football Blitz Week 4

Last Week: 5-1
On the season: 9-3-1

Played Cincinnati -7 Thursday Night and Central FLA -1 and the Under 45.5. Central Florida's defense gives up 10, but the special teams gives up 14. Tough loss for Don Delaware and the Golden Knights. But 2-1 is a good way to start the week, so let's go get that bookie money....

San Diego State +10.5 @ Michigan
Active coaches are 1-4 against the number versus their former team. Michigan is 6-15 in their last 21 ATS. The Aztecs will bring it against their former coach and will give a soft Wolverine defense all they want. Michigan 34-31

Ohio +4 @ Rutgers
UPSET ALERT! Frank Solich's Bobcat team is firing on all cylinders and is hands down the best team in the MAC.  Rutgers is coming off a much needed bye week after being throttled by UNC.  Bobcats offense is too much, Ohio 24-21

Notre Dame -6.5 @ Pitt
The Irish played how they should have played all season in last week's win vs Michigan State.  This game is being played at Heinz Field, so no real advantage here for the home team.  Notre Dame looks to get to .500 today, 31-17

Under 55 Tulane @ Duke
Two of the nerdiest programs in football face off today. You tell me how they'll score 8 touchdowns.

Arkansas +11.5 @ Alabama
The Hogs have been preparing since spring practice for this one at Tuscaloosa.  Bobby Petrino is 10-1 against the number in his last 11 conference games.  But the edge has to go to 'Bama and the defense at home. Alabama 20-17

Colorado +17 @ Ohio State
Ohio State scored 6 points last week and if the Buffalos create any sort of a lead the Buckeyes will go straight into panic mode.  OSU starts a new QB today, but I don't think that equates into a 3 TD win. Ohio St. 20-10

Oklahoma St @ Texas A&M -4
The Aggies opened up with a bye week and two cupcakes. The Pokes wrapped up their game against Tulsa at 3:30 AM on Saturday due to weather. A&M has had the extra prep time and OKSt has had an unusual week. A&M and the 12th man 46-38

Kansas St +13 @ Miami FLA
Like A&M, Kansas State has had extra time to get ready for this game.  The Hurricanes are coming off an emotional win and I think will be a little flat for this matchup. Miami's speed open up the game in the 2nd half. Miami 35-24

GRH Hobbcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

As always, we bring the thunder today. We talk College football, and a little NFL. I let my rage fly on Washington Redskins fans. Don Delaware again shows why he's the best in the business. Icehouse shows up late dropping bombs, and Stovall again shows us why he's the only one allowed to moderate the thing.

Your daily reminder that the NBA is locked out

Brought to you by Samuel L. Jackson.

College Football Blitz Week 3

It's been a while, but I'm back. I make picks and you make $$$, it's as easy as that. So go grab your wallet, bet next month's rent and lets get this bookie money.

LSU Tigers -3.5 @ Mississippi State Bulldogs (Thursday Night)

Preparation is key to having success in football. LSU has had that luxury, Miss St. has not. While the Bayou Bengals were at home last week vs N'western St., Miss. St went on the road and lost to Auburn. Now in the short week, LSU will have the extra preparation time for all the looks a Dan Mullen offense will throw at you, while Miss St. began install for LSU on Sunday. At 3.5 points, you can't afford to not play LSU. Tigers win 27-14

Auburn Tigers @ Clemson Tigers -3.5

We're betting against Auburn here, more than we are betting for Clemson. Remember this Auburn team was a 5.5 point dog at home last week for a reason: they are a team of mostly freshman. A critical error will be made and Clemson will capitalize. Book It. Clemson 27 Auburn 16

Ole Miss Rebels @ Vanderbilt Commodores +1.5

Houston Nutt does not cover as a favorite. Period. (see Jacksonville St.) James Franklin is leading a fired up Commodore team who is looking to go 3-0 for the first time in forever. The Music City and Dr. Joe T will be rockin come Saturday. Ole Miss 13 Vanderbilt 17

Tennessee Vols +10 @ Florida Gators

Backing Volunteer QB Tyler Bray and the trends in this one. Bray has thrown for nearly 700 yards and 7 TD's in his first two games. He is a true sophomore, but carries himself like a 5th year senior. Tennessee is 6-1-1 in their last 8 games overall and the road team is 7-3-1 in the last 11 meetings between the Gators and Vols. Its hostile in the swamp, but Bray and company cover the spread late. Florida 28-20

Michigan State Spartans @ Notre Dame Fightin' Irish -4.5

Love me or hate me for this pick, but I am on Notre Dame this week. Brian Kelly's squad starts off 0-2, but could very easily be 2-0. Turnovers and Denard Robinson have plagued Notre Dame in its first 2 games. I don't see either of those playing a factor in this game. Touchdown Jesus! ND 38-17

Don Delaware's "I just feel lucky" parlay of the week: Florida St. +3 and the under 55

No explanation, I just feel lucky. Its a big game on Saturday Night for this Top 5 match up. Emotions run high, bootyholes get tight, playcalling gets conservative. FSU 24 Sooners 21

GRH Podcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

WHOOOOOOO BOY!!!

We have a good one this week. Contributor, and friend of the program, Don Delaware drops by to give us some knowledge bombs on the NFL and NCAA weekend. We give you a little of what we think about the past weekend. Share our opinions on the coaching change at our Alma Mater. And freely hand out the best tailgaiting advice you'll ever receive.

You're welcome.

Mark Cuban Doesn't Understand College Football

Cubes. You won a championship. That was cool. I like that you are all about your organization and your players, but this last blog post... man you're way off.

Let's see what he has to say.

Here is some unsolicited advice to the Big 12.

Your job is to own an NBA team. ALL of your advice is unsolicited if it is not directed at 29 other people in the world.

With Texas A&M trying to leave the Big 12 (It doesn’t happen until the SEC accepts them) every remaining school is trying to decide in the immortal lyrics of The Clash “Should I Stay or Should I Go”. The quick answer? They should stay.

I'm hip! I'm cool! I'm down with it!

*Does Macarena*

1. More schools will NOT mean more TV money.

Considering how Cuban is only rich because he sold his free television internet service to Yahoo! for $6 billion, I'm just going to go ahead and assume his understanding of "TV money" is different than those of us here in reality.

The big college TV networks, Fox, ESPN, CBS pay for quality, not quantity. They need marquee matchups

This whole conference shuffle began because ESPN signed a $300 million contract for a team that finished 5-7 last season. Furthermore, every SEC fan watches EVERY SEC GAME. Mississippi State v. Kentucky? FUCK YES. Because outside of college football, Southeastern Americans have nothing to live for.

Adding Texas A&M to the SEC is not going to add a single dollar’s worth of value to the owner of the SEC TV contract, regardless of sport.

Yes it will, in potential dollars, because now the SEC has access to a major city. Something they have heretofore lacked, outside of Atlanta.

Maybe the SEC has an escalator in their contract that increases the total value of the TV contract

They do. If the SEC increases past 12 teams, they renegotiate. And now they have Houston's TV market and the past five national championships to drive up the price.

2. Fans will hate the scheduling impact

Possibly. Explain yourself.

You know how there is midnight madness in college basketball?

Yes, stupid NCAA rules prohibit them from practicing until the stroke of midnight, October 15th.

And late night and games scheduled at weird times for basketball?

All professional games are scheduled at 7:00 pm, local time. ZOMG! WHY IS THIS GAME STARTING AT 9?! Time zones, buddy. Those of us that don't fly on private jets to attend every game of our favorite team have learned to deal with them.

I’m guessing that the only way to get all those games through a single TV network partner is to start very, very early or to go very very late.

Or have regional broadcasts, like they already do. Cubes probably has no idea that when the Mavs are on Fox Sports, the Rockets are on Fox Sports in Houston and the Spurs are on Fox Sports in Central Texas.

3. Say Goodbye to Cupcake Football Games

THANK GOD!

Sure Utah State can take Auburn to the wire every now and then, but the reality is most BCS title aspiration (not all) schools have 3 or 4 cupcake games on their schedule.

Gotcha, so really good teams will have to play really well to go undefeated. Again, THANK GOD.

4. Goodbye Geographic Rivalry Games

Because Notre Dame/USC made sense.

All those natural rivalries of Texas A&M in and around the state of Texas will be impacted.

Possibly. Although A&M only has two actual rivals in the state. One is The University of Texas, and there's no way they stop playing each other. The other, by sheer technicality, would be TCU ("Gig 'Em" became a rally cry because "Frog gigging" is something hillbillies do for fun/when they are hungry. Hence, "Gig 'Em" essentially means "Kill the TCU Horned Frogs"). Oh, and before you say Texas Tech, they have no rival, because we all forgot about them.

And as far as new rivalries, it’s a long drive for fans from College Station to Alabama, Florida, South Carolina

*Looks at map*

College Station to Baton Rouge is 340 miles. Gainesville to Athens is 340 miles (yes I know they play in a neutral location, shut up).

I don’t care how good a game OU vs Oregon could hypothetically be...

Possible championship quality.

fans from both sides are going to second guess the economics of going to the games.

Cubes has clearly never met a Sooner. Their whole thing is road trips, straight down to their mascot.

IN CONCLUSION:
Things Cuban is good at:
-Cashing in on the dotcom boom
-Investing in tequila companies (note: fiction only)
-Getting role players from shitty teams in exchange for overrated players who don't fit into the Mavs

Things Cuban is bad at:
-Class
-Tact
-Haircuts
-Wearing cool clothes
-Understanding College Football

John Calipari killed a guy

Not really. He was just coaching the Dominican Republic National Basketball team yesterday, and this ended up happening. Remember Edgar Sosa, who used to play for Louisville? Well, don't worry. You'll likely never hear of him every again after this injury.

OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS LEG!

Furthermore, is there anyone more fitting than Calipari to be wearing a Panama hat, puffing on a fine cigar, wearing an unbuttoned Guayabera with little beads of sweat on his forehead?

Besides me, of course.

GRH College Football Preview Part Deux

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

This week we wrap up our college football coverage this. Returning to us is our West Coast friend Cole along with our new guest Jeff. We try to clean up our preview of the SEC, and then talk some national topics. In this episode you'll hear strong homerisms for both Arkansas and Oregon. Icehouse bathes in the tears of OU fans, while Jeff busts out some bold predictions. Oh and we got cut off again for the second week in a row, which is nice.

Hey What's Up

Hey What's Up? I'm NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. You know the guy who fines everyone single handedly saved the NFL lockout using his charm and whit.

Anyway, I know the fans still have some lingering disgust towards the league because of the lockout. Which is why I'm going on a grassroots campaign and encourage individuals to hold football parties, visit your favorite bar, buy official gear at the NFL teamshop, and to play fantasy football.

GRH has set up its own little league, so I'm here to give you a couple tips.

-Tom Brady=Championship. I'll make damn sure of that.
-Same goes for Pey Pey
-Obviously Terrell Pryor is out 5 games because you know, I can
-Kenny Britt however, is a great late round pick!
-Be wary of the Steelers D with all the fines and what not
-Generally favor any Large market or national appeal team.

If you follow these rules I feel like you have a good chance to win. I've won my league every year I've been commissioner, because you know, I can.

So your instructions for The Ghost of Roy Hobbs league. Go to Yahoo (Yahoo? oh what the fuck lattimer) Go to yahoo and create a profile. Then go to fantasy sports/fantasy football. Ask to join a private league.

League ID= 677531
Password= grh

have fun! while it lasts because someday the NFL will own all rights to this and you'll have to pay a $30 tribute to the all mighty Roger just for the right to play.

Look at these two pictures of the Gipper

Pretty crazy, right?

College Football Preview part 1

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

We lost our QB for this podcast, but we didn't back down. Why? Because we're GAMERS that's why. In this episode, we dish out our conference previews, Icehouse reveals the darkness of Texas football, and Dr. Joe gives us his new team. Even better, we had our first guest Cole drop some Pac 12 knowledge, while also telling us about the mysteries and wonders of Portland. We dropped so analysis bombs so this went 45 mins, and since we are poor, and don't pay for blog talk, we got cut off at the end. Fear not Hobbers, we will finish with part two in the coming future.

TRIPLE PLAY!

What's the verdict on this? Obviously, the baserunners from the Omaham Storm Chasers (lol) look like doofuses (doofi?). Now, Nashville Sounds (awful name) center fielder Logan Schafer did a great job of tracking the ball down, but he probably should have caught it on the first go-round, and not off of his noggin.

I think the real winner here is the Sounds' manager. Because his name is Don Money.

So you can shit storm if you want about why this play is brilliant/dubious. Or about favorite triple plays. Or whatever.

GRH Podcast #6

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Well we brought the thunder tonight. We start off with Miami, aids, and abortions. We talk a little NFL, then move to favorite 90's baseball players, and as always finish it off with our thoughts of the week.

Be sure to check us out next week when we drop knowledge bombs with our CFB preview. And we get our first guest.

Scabs does yoga

Brian Scalabrine: I call this position ginger's plight. It symbolizes the struggle of the red-haired human species in the face of daunting pressure to fit in despite being hideously ugly.

Now let's transition through vomiting giraffe to open clambake. Ah, that takes me back. Remember when I was on the Celtics and everyone loved me? They even had a nickname for me: Mascot. I'm not sure what it means, I'm not as plugged into urban culture as I used to be. Now breathe deeply, you feel that? The opening of the chest along the lateral plane? That's why this pose is so popular with expecting mothers.

Ok, now take a twirling monkey into presenting panda. Mmmmmm. Breathe deeply, settle into it. Oooh, I'm tight back there today. Yeah. It's stretches like this that keep me limber throughout the grind of the NBA season. Hm? No, I've never played a full NBA season. How many what? Oh, I played 88 minutes last season. Including the playoffs.

Look, whatever. It's a great way to meet chicks. Which... is why... I'm doing it in a park with a dude. Wait a second, who are you?

Random gay dude: Just someone who's enjoying the view ya big flame-ball.

GRH Podcast #5

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Today on this our 5th PODCAST!!! We talk about shitty sports movies. (Here is the post where I destroy The Replacements) The moves following the NFL lockout. Dr. Joe's Love of the Tennessee Titans, Seattle Seahawks, PHILADELPHIA EAGLES!!! And we end it with a little Randy Moss and as always, our thoughts for the day.

We've noticed listeners have gone up. So please if you have any comments drop us a line and tell us how we're doing.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

No Shit Storm today.

Instead, read this narrative of the mission to kill Bin-Laden.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

Swag.


Not so much.


Back to swag.


OK. I'm doing this fun bag because all of these goddamn videos are making my browser crash. WOOO. WEEKEND. FOOTBALL IS BACK IN TWO WEEKS.

If you gotta drink beer, drink it for a good cause.


Skipping rope is great exercise.

Skipping in Slow Motion. In a Bikini... alternate music from photography-factory.co.uk on Vimeo.

I have no idea why, but this commercial has made me laugh five different times.


IMPORTANT:


I know this is a joke, but 99% of Longhorns fans would be totally ok with any of these promos.


And now, three and a half minutes of pain.


Have fun this weekend. Case McCoy's ready to party (orange hat).

Stop the NBA lockout.

This isn't the worst thing that could happen. Amar'e is a pretty fashion forward dude, what with attending fashion shows and shit like that.

But that's him. What happens when other NBAers decide to show off their entrepreneurial skills. Delonte West fragrances, that's what will happen. And fuck that noise.

GRH Podcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

We did another little podcast this evening. Topics include, Football, Football, Baseball, and a hint of crazy.

We appreciate the responses, If you'd like to be a guest hit us up in the comments or our email. As you can tell we'll talk about any topic.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I don't think we've ever done this before.

Shitstorm is favorite female athlete.


My favorite is obviously, Jackie Joyner Kersee. I met her once, she told me good luck with football, and she won my undying devotion.

Your turn, go.

The Good Dr. Joe Joins us on the GRH podcast

Listen to internet radio with Theghostofroyhobbs on Blog Talk Radio

Dr. Joe T, expert in sports, funny and basic food groups joins us on this episode to reinforce the thunder continually dropped on the hobbers.

Check Joe out here on twitter.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

Yesterday I was running some errands when I saw several kids "planking." Then this morning I wake up and read that "owling" is the new craze. I don't understand it, but if perching like an Owl floats your boat then by all means, Owl away.
http://i2.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/lens18141519_1310457159owling-meme.jpg

So for this shit storm we're going to come up with the new photo craze. I nominate "rocking" where you just curl up like a rock or boulder in public spaces. Begin.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

JaVale McGee loves planking.

OK. Ok. We haven't had a fun bag in some time. It's ok though. We're doing fine. We've just, you know, had better stuff to do than post days-old videos of stuff. The Internet works at lightspeed, people. Posting a weekly recap is like writing an obituary nowadays.

But whatever. It's still fun.

For instance, here's a girl eating it on a bike.


I remember when this happened. Someone posted it on twitter today, which brought me back to the good times of when Stromile Swift was doing this instead of stalking chicks.


Heath Bell grew up watching Angels in the Outfield.


And that's all I got. Except for another JaVale planking picture.

God help me, I think they're hilarious.

Chris Paul guides a field trip

Chris Paul: So now, children, if you'll follow me, you'll get a great view of the Statue of Liberty. The Statue of Liberty (Liberty Enlightening the World, French: La Liberté éclairant le monde) is a colossal neoclassical sculpture on Liberty Island in New York Harbor, designed by Frédéric Bartholdi and dedicated on October 28, 1886. The statue, a gift to the United States from the people of France, is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tabula ansata (a tablet evoking the law) upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue has become an icon of freedom and of the United States.

When the Statue of Liberty arrived here, President Grover Cleveland, who was the best President in the league, said, "what the fuck, France? I know I wanted something tall, but this useless lump of shit is not gonna get me past Dallas. This big concrete bitch isn't getting us to the finals, FRANCE. We're not even a goddamn playoff country anymore!"

And France was all, "we gotta make due with what we got, we're financially insolvent! We had to be bought out because we can't make ends meet!" At the same time as all this, ALL of Grover Cleveland's friends went to go play in Miami without him. Ain't that some shit? Grover Cleveland's trying to do the right thing by America, but he keeps getting fucked over by the powers that be.

Then a fucking lockout happened, and Grover Cleveland couldn't be President for a whole year. Shit.

Emeka Okafor: So... are we still going to go see Spiderman on Broadway?

Monday Morning S--t Storm

The 4th of July? On a Monday?

Why it's a GRH MIRACLE!!!

I love the 4th so much. I recently interacted with some Brits in the past several weeks. Long story short we got to explaining cultural differences, and the 4th came up. After explaining that we have a holiday celebrating the giant middle finger we gave to their country, I explained that the 4th was Food, Beer, and Explosions.

I live in a pussy firework state that only sells pussy fireworks. To be honest with you it's not even worth shooting the bullshit they sell. So I have to relive my youth through watching youtube videos of people being awesome with fireworks.



The shit storm is to send us awesome firework videos from youtube or something captured on your own.

Godspeed.

Life Lessons from Herm Edwards

Surprisingly, I have nothing to say.

Analyzing Ceremonial First Pitches

Every professional baseball game has the ceremonial first pitch. This tradition kind of confused me at first, but when I realized how anticlimatic actual first pitches are, I understood that the ceremonial first pitch is a good substitute for a tip-off, face-off, kick off, or what have you.

So now I like the ceremonial first pitch. Specifically, I like that I know have a relatable benchmark to measure myself against people more famous/important/lucky than me. For instance, I know Ryan Reynolds is a sexy piece of ripped manmeat, but how's his arm? Two-seamer of four-seamer? Shit like that.

Our 43rd President had a baseball pedigree and even in retirement still had the oomph to throw a strike.

Which makes me wish he just caught that one dude's shoe and hummed it back at him. How awesome would that have been? As a comparison, the current President, an admitted White Sox fan, one-hopped his most recent effort.

There have been a string of recent memorable first pitches. Unfortunately for the youngest of the group, John Wall ended up doing his best Mariah Carey impression.

If I was in charge of the black arts of sports superstition, your best player throwing like a girl would be the equivalent of throwing a black cat through a mirror placed under a ladder.

Dirk's motion was pretty hilarious. He got the ball over the plate, but it probably wouldn't have been a strike, even on himself.


I would really like to know who could throw the best ceremonial first pitch. I'd love it if some celeb could sling one in the low 80s. I bet Redford could, back in the day. Furthermore, I think the holy grail would be some actress hucking a knuckleball that the catcher couldn't handle.

Until then, we'll just have to settle for either the embarrassment of local heroes, or shit like this.


BAAAAAAAALK!

Monday Morning Shit Storm

Over the weekend, several of the GRH Faithful convened in Alton, Illinois for mild debauchery and much rain dancing. While there, we adopted two young men who were canoeing down the length of the Mighty Mississippi River. Naturally, their tales of adventure was well received by we men of fortune. Going out on the river, living off the land and kindness of strangers and being men under the sun intrigued us greatly.

Then we drank a bunch of jello shots with them and they turned out to be chill guys.

You can follow their exploits here, but this leads the Hobbertariat to a greater query, aptly in time for the MMSS: Of any manly bucket list feat of masculine prowess one could reasonable accomplish, what would you do and why?

For example, Icehouse once rode a bicycle from Houston to Austin for charity. Hear hear, mighty Icehouse! However, if you've already done some great feat of note, understand it must come with a suggestion for something you'd like to do to. We require this as a toll for your braggardness, though we would enjoy hearing the tale.

I want to backpack through Europe. Literally, one backpack with my necessities, phone and credit card only for life-threatening emergencies, a set amount of cash (with an understanding that I may have to work or barter some of my belongings for more currency later), and the boots on my feet. I got a taste of it in high school, traveling from Paris to Rome, through Nice and Florence, but it was well-organized, comfortable, and I was in high school and was therefore retarded. I want to see it as a man.

Hobbers: Manly voyage, undertaking, or whatever. Commence.

Zach and Kendrick share a moment.

The following took place between 11:35 and 11:24 of the third quarter in game 4 of the Thunder/Grizzlies series.

Zach: Hey what's up fam?

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: Hey you like pork chops? I probably smell like pork chops. I had two on the way to the stadium today. Coach Hollins was all, 'yo, you're getting dijon sauce all over my suit' but I was like, 'watch yo ass.'"

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: Y'hear how Sam Young got his car jacked? You know who did it?

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: Say what? Motherfucker if you ain't bein' straight with me, we're gonna have more than words, you feel me?

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: Word?

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: Aight cuz. We straight. Hey what's a good casino round here? I went to this one indian cas--

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: My b. I went to this one Native American casino last week. I walked in the door and was immediately covered in smoke. They didn't even have no bar, just cigarettes. I walk around these broke ass machines and was all 'say where's the craps table?' They told me the only games they had was video poker. NOT A GAME, FAM. THAT'S BASICALLY A SLOT MACHINE.

Kendrick: [mumble]

Zach: For reals. Let's smush our manboobs together.














Carmelo: Whatchu think about this one, Chauncey?

Chauncey: Not his best work.

Carmelo: Word on that.

Mavs Win Championship; Party

The Mavericks finally won the 'chip over the weekend, outpimping everybody.


The Mavs were a better-built team, they are better coached and their best player(s) played very well. Moreover, their owner shut his trap and fans (for the most part) did not complain about the officiating of the game.

After game 6, they partied their asses off, which I think we can all respect. They went to LIV, (where LeBron's mom was arrested a couple of months ago) and owner Mark Cuban spent $300,000 (but the stingy motherfucker only left a 7% tip).

Below are some of my favorite pictures from the party.

Dirk takes $80,000 bottle of Ace straight to the dome. No flutes for the finals MVP.


Your dad was at the party. He's the bald one with the tucked-in shirt.
I'm also curious as to whether or not Ian Mahinmi had to pay for his own drinks. I would have made him buy a round of shots for every airball he had in the finals (that's four rounds of shots, people).

And of course, when someone loses $2 million by betting against you, you might as well be magnanimous and let him drink off your tab.


On the way home...


Then the Mavs did something pretty cool that we can actually relate to: they took the trophy to a local dive bar that has a reputation for serving extremely strong drinks and throwing my friend out when he pukes on himself. It is also the same place Dirk and Nash went on their well-documented excursion.


Brian Cardinal photobomb!


And of course, expelling the booze (note: this isn't at the Loon).


Unfortunately, nobody remembered to tell Deshawn Stevenson that you're supposed to stop drinking after a spell. He was arrested in Irving for public intoxication. Something so sad about seeing Abraham Lincoln in a mug shot.


One thing's for certain. The Mavs had at least one angel on their side.