Monday, July 11, 2011

Chris Paul guides a field trip

Chris Paul: So now, children, if you'll follow me, you'll get a great view of the Statue of Liberty. The Statue of Liberty (Liberty Enlightening the World, French: La Liberté éclairant le monde) is a colossal neoclassical sculpture on Liberty Island in New York Harbor, designed by Frédéric Bartholdi and dedicated on October 28, 1886. The statue, a gift to the United States from the people of France, is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tabula ansata (a tablet evoking the law) upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue has become an icon of freedom and of the United States.

When the Statue of Liberty arrived here, President Grover Cleveland, who was the best President in the league, said, "what the fuck, France? I know I wanted something tall, but this useless lump of shit is not gonna get me past Dallas. This big concrete bitch isn't getting us to the finals, FRANCE. We're not even a goddamn playoff country anymore!"

And France was all, "we gotta make due with what we got, we're financially insolvent! We had to be bought out because we can't make ends meet!" At the same time as all this, ALL of Grover Cleveland's friends went to go play in Miami without him. Ain't that some shit? Grover Cleveland's trying to do the right thing by America, but he keeps getting fucked over by the powers that be.

Then a fucking lockout happened, and Grover Cleveland couldn't be President for a whole year. Shit.

Emeka Okafor: So... are we still going to go see Spiderman on Broadway?


  1. The sheer brilliance of this piece invites applause rather than the usual laughter.