Oh, you thought we were joking about the podcast? Is this just a game to you? Well ummm, sooooo, like, this is Real!!! We're doing this in THIRTY MINUTE SEGMENTS!!!
But yeah, we're still looking for topics and guests, so fire away with your ideas or get in touch with us if you want to call in.
If nothing else I promise you I will find a suitable Guile Theme to end our new experiment.
Oh man, the Friday before memorial day has to be a top ten least productive day. Correct? and no, packing coolers and buying food does not count as productivity, that's a necessity.
Anyway, time to get down and party. Tom Brady is already two steps ahead of us.
Obama is again, already two steps ahead.
Speaking of late night shows, Jimmy Fallon has been killing it. I used to absolutely loathe Fallon on SNL, but I have to give him credit for his Neil Young impression. Graham Nash What What!!!
The Muppets will make any movie awesome.
South Park took on the NCAA in a recent episode. I DARE you to not think of Cartman's ridiculous southern plantation owner accent every time you hear "Student Athletes"
For all the irrational Lebron haters out there.
Memorial Weekend is the unofficial start to backyard games season. I'm partial to Quoits, but it seems like everyone likes cornhole, so whatever.
Finally, The Indy 500 is this weekend. Instead of just putting up some godaddy ad with Danica Patrick looking sexy but not doing anything (similar to her racing career) Or bitching about how my childhood idol, Michael Andretti, always got screwed out of Indy wins. I'll just let Bunny explain it.
Oh sure, I'm posting this on the weekend, but that's because it's important.
You may have noticed that we've slacked on the posting a little. The reason is because we're totally lazy and we have fucking lives WE'VE BEEN BUILDING UP TO AN IMPORTANT EVENT!!!
You see, we are now 7 posts away from reaching 1,000. Yes, what started as an innocent Gchat "Hey Icehouse we should start a sports blog." Turned into a phone call "Hey Lattimer, we have a blog It's called The Ghost of Roy Hobbs" which then turned into another Gchat "How the fuck do you embed videos?" Which then led to another Gchat "who the fuck is scooter biceps?" "Oh that's Stovall" and the Rest is GRH history.
Skip until the end to get the actual shit storm
I still remember that phone call. I was walking into the library ready for my first masters class. But, damn the fact that Icehouse started this and kept it going was one of the better things in my life. That may sound cheesy, but it's true. We all put up with such bullshit during the day, and this humble little corner of the internets allow us, the writers, to hash out our love or rage of certain topics.
Icehouse once told me that a very smart individual once described our blog as "irreverent." For some reason I was really excited, because that's us. We do the real shit at work and GRH is our time to debate trivial topics like "what sport would politicians play" or "hey that dunk was awesome." However, on the same blog we'll go into ranty rant mode and talk about shit we think is wrong. We call out sportswriters when they get to high on the horses they're riding.
But again, we really do it for you, The Hobbers. I can't tell you how many times we get excited because someone says "hey that post was great" or "_______ is reading our blog" It really gets us motivated to find more funny videos, highlights, and topics to rant about. We've had a core group of readers, and you know who you are. We love and appreciate you.
End here for the actual shit storm So for the actual shit storm. For you the reader. You beautiful bastards who give us feedback. The spammers from China. The rando's from Ukraine. We ask what we should do for the 1,000 post?
We're thinking of trying to pull off a podcast, which we'll fuck up, but it would be a good time. We were thinking of having an allstar cast of our best writers and commenters. Maybe even having a drinking game. (If the game is any time I say "uhhh" you are all going to the hospital)
German Hank Hill Dirk made OKC look silly the other night, knocking down 48 pale and uninspiring points, none of which made while breathing through his nostrils. Last night, Alabaster Jones got his. And how!
This video pretty much sums up this series. Dallas is about as lame and white as Hank, while the new kids from OKC have flavor, like Alabaster Jones.
I think the Grizz would have had a better chance to beat the Mavs. They play a slowed-down game, and pound the rock inside, which are two things the Mavs haven't been great against historically. They also took 3 out of 4 against Dallas this season.
The Thunder play an up-and-down game very similar to the Mavs, and match up pretty evenly against them (until you get to the bench), so get ready for a lot of points.
The real tragedy of this game is that it's on ESPN instead of TNT. FREE CHUCK AND C-WEBB!
I have a strong affection for gym class. Some of you may have horrifying stories, or your teacher was a dick, but I've had nothing but positive experiences learning about physical education.
When I was real young it was kind of stupid. We did all that parachute bullshit, but it was still a break from learning cursive.
Then, in 4th grade everything changed. I got a gym teacher who didn't give two shits about actual teaching and let us just ball out of control. I'm talking basketball, pickleball, bombardment, powerball, team hand ball, and floor hockey every day.
In high school it got even better. Our teacher was so relaxed that during my free periods I'd walk into a freshman class and either hang out or join in a game.
I feel like we need to recognize our favorite games, so for this shit storm select your favorite PE game.
My selection has to be floor hockey. I love that game so much. In fact, now I'm going to start googling local floor hockey leagues.
Look. We've been slow lately, but it's not our fault. Blogger was down yesterday, and quite frankly we didn't care to check after 4 pm.
Plus, we know everyone reads this stuff on Sunday. Oh that's right, we have sitemeter, we know your game commenters. Especially YOU from Praha, Hlavni Mesto Praha in the Czeck Republic. You know who you are.
Anyway WOOOOOO WEEKEND!!! Brian knows what I'm talking about. RIGHT!!!
/high five
We've got some good basketball ahead of us. Unfortunately, Blake Griffin is not a part of that basketball. So just to remind you, here's a video of him dunking in high school.
Speaking of basketball. I love our country so much because cops dunking balls while on horseback elicts USA chants.
Hobbers, I know you guys like to have fun, but seriously don't do it it the park, it just really fucks up the landscaping. In other news, I really want to hang out with this guy.
Here's something new I learned this week. The rivalry between two Scottish soccer teams, Celtic/Rangers, is really a old secretarianism issue which stems from bigotry between Catholics and Protestants. It's gone so far that Celtic coach, Neil Lennon, has been sent bombs, and bullets in the mail. And recently he was just attacked on the field. I've told people not to underestimate the craziness of Scottish protestants, but I feel like we really need to put this in perspective. It's still just soccer. Nobody is going to ACTUALLY get hurt. /Baits soccer Football fans
Finally, I know we have a lot of young graduates here. Did you graduate? You did CRAZEE things? No Way? You had, like, tons of fun, met new friends? Wait you found yourself?!?! That's, like, totally different from everyone else's experience. As a member of society I'd like to say. Welcome to our world bitch. Hope you like shit sandwiches.
Icehouse has always wanted to be a groundskeeper. Maybe because he Rudy too many times and wanted to be a wise old sage who told Sean Astin that he sucked and stuff.
Or maybe it was the Asians in Major League.
Either way, it's a cherry gig. Work 81 days a year, get front row seats to all the games, but the best part has to be when you have to spring into action. You jump up, and run your happy ass across the field in the rain.
In the early days of the Marlins, the grounds crew did not perform that well. You would think they would get a little practice, what with it raining every day in Florida in April and May. But what the hey, this dated video is funny. Enjoy.
"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA WEEP MORTALS! FEEL THE FIRES OF A THOUSAND NIGHTS OF HORROR-WROUGHT SLEEP AS YOU FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE WRECKAGE AND MAYHEM BEFORE YOU. BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!THAT ARM SHOULDN'T DO THAT!LET IT WRENCH YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM!
NOT ENOUGH?!
OH AND DONE BY THE TUMBLING ANGST OF ONE GREATER THAN HE! OH THIS FIRES MY JIBBLETS! I PRAY THAT THE NEVER-ENDING FILM REEL ON THE PROJECTION SCREEN THAT IS THE INSIDE OF YOUR EYELIDS NEVER CEASES TO PLAY THESE 53 SECONDS OVER AND OVER! BWAHAHAHAH!
STILL UNIMPRESSED?!
FACE TRANSPLANT! HIS LIFE IS SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER WHILE YOURS IS EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY DIMINISHED BY BEING ABLE TO SEE HIS WRETCHED AND DISFIGURED VISAGE! DO NOT CURSE YOUR EYES, FOR THEY CANNOT SAVE YOU NOW! YOU ARE SEEING THIS IN YOUR MIND'S EYE, FOR WHOM BLINDNESS CANNOT TRIUMPH!
AHHHH THE TIMELESS CLASSICS! NOW YOU MUST WATCH HIM GIVE MEDIOCRE ANALYSIS, WHICH IS THE TRUE VICTORY FOR ME AS IT WILL ALSO GIVE YOU HELLISH NIGHT TERRORS BOUND TO MAKE THE MOST STRONG OF MEN INVOLUNTARILY URINATE AND WEEP SILENTLY FOR RELIEF THAT WILL NEVER COME!
KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENS TO ALL WHO PLAY SOCCER!!! AND IT IS THE MOST POPULAR SPORT IN THE WORLD! LET THAT ECHO IN YOUR SKULL WHILE YOU ATTEMPT TO REST PEACEFULLY! SLUMBER IN TURMOIL!!! BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA....
We're going to make this one short and sweet, so I'm only going to say this ONCE.
Pick any sport and give it a new position. Describe how it would affect the sport and give some particulars on said position. Don't be a douche bag about this.
My pick: I want one guy on each soccer team who can pick the ball up and run it, like in rugby. Let's call him the boulder. This man will be allowed to run unfettered, although be heavily padded, as hand ball rules will still be strictly enforced, and he will incur many a-cleats to his person. It will still behoove the rest of the team to kick it around and shit, but adds a wild card element to the whole thing. "LOOGIT THIS CRAZY GUY JUST SNAGGING IT OUT OF THE AIR AND RUNNING LIKE THE SWEATY-TOOTHED MADMAN HE IS!"
It also has an element of the Seeker from Quidditch in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. So that's dope.
Well it's been a great week. First we completely troll the Royal Wedding by KILLING THE MOST WANTED MAN IN THE WORLD, Then we realize we shot him in the eye, THEN we reveal that we also had a SEAL dog. A DOG!!! Even Mother Russia gives us a stoic nod of approval.
This will be a longer Fun Bag simply because we need to address the Bin Laden Reaction.
I wonder if any of our writers has a video addressing this very issue. OH HEY!!! It's our very own Zack Stovall doing the damn thing on the stage.
A four Wheeler, a pistol, and the Stars and Stripes. Eat your heart out Michael Moore.
I mentioned the greatness of Dogs earlier. Most of you know I'm a dog lover, but let's just see what Cats were up to.
Figures
Ok now onto the usual with sports, and people getting injured.
Looks like The SNES Street Fighter game finally made it to Kazakhstan
Icehouse put it best when he said the Enya really made this video, I agree. Also, I love Enya
The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and I absolutely love Horse Races. Did you see those LOZERS in England wearing those funky ass hats. HAHAHAHAHA We'd Never do that in Amer.....Damn
Finally, If you've haven't already done so, I'd suggest reading Matt Uffords eloquent reaction of a veteran. I know we've been waving our flags and have been going all America on everyone's ass. It goes without saying, but the reason we can celebrate, or condone celebrations, or have any public reaction at all is because we have men and women in our military who know the risks, and are the best at what they do. Most of us didn't do any of the work, but we're still damn proud of it.
Now back to the irreverence of GRH, I'll leave you with my favorite meme.
Well, Gus Johnson has officially left CBS sports. Which of course means we won't be seeing any more cold blooded calls during the NCAA tournament.
Who knows why they parted ways, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he didn't appeal to the "older demographic" To which I say SCREW OFF.
The article says he may become the NFL Thursday night guy, but here's to hoping he gets with ESPN and establishes himself as the premier CFB play by play guy and they team him up with Chris Spielman.
Here's a little taste of his football action.
(On a side note please listen to Fouts. Not only does he say Hall should have intercepted the ball, which is of course what every whistle toting coach will tell you is the exact OPPOSITE of what you want to do. But, he also praises Stokely for burning time off the clock and not scoring right away. Not unlike DeSean Jackson, and we all know how he was treated by the media)
But honestly, Imagine Gus in Death Valley, LSU vs. Alabama, surrounded by over 100,000 drunk Cajuns. Now that would be awesome.
Furthermore if you look at...
Brent: Hehehehe, ohhh yeah, Olllllllllllle Lattimer hear SPEAKING HIS MIND on CFB announcing.
But I tell you what Latty, You gotta wonder here if the Ollllllle cold blood killer, Gus, can really handle the prestige of College Football?
And by "darlings" and "you," Icehouse means the NBA Playoffs. This is Icehouse's favorite time of the sports year. Or maybe the return of football is. I guess the difference is that there is a pertinent and important game EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. It's so awesome. Everybody steps up their games. Charles drinks extra hard. Kevin McHale is extra self-depricating. And the ball itself is great. Everybody goes hard and plays to the best of their abilities - which, since this is the NBA, is a really high caliber of play.
Here are a few quick thoughts about the playoffs thus far.
First, for some reason, is the Lakers v. Mavs. The Mavs beat the Blazers to get there, and way more handily than anyone anticipated. The Blazers were playing really well. The Lakers beat the Hornets, ending this season's attempts to give two shits about New Orleans. The Bumblebees put up a fight, but since Chris Paul is only 5'10" and there aren't five of him, they lost.
For this series, Tyson Chandler is single-handedly marginalizing Pau and Bynum while Dirk has finally started playing like he owns a set of testicles. He doesn't know where they are, mind you, but at least he owns them. Also, Kobe Bryant is a gigantic asshole and threw his teammates under the bus after Game 1. In his mind, he's transcended into a different galaxy, where everyone is an asshole, and the only way to be understood is to act like an asshole 24/7. It boggles the mind. Sure, Pau sort of sucked, but remember that is was you who lost the ball to Jason Kidd to effectively lose the game.
Grizz v. Thunder: The Grizz beat the Spurs to a) win a playoff game for the first time and b) win a playoff series for the first time. More impressively, they beat the Spurs playing Spurs ball: grind it out down low with a grounded power forward and play team defense. The Thunder knew we all wanted to see one more game of J.R. Smith, so they let them win one game. They're cool like that.
The Grizz have already accomplished the "split on the road" aspect of playoff hoops. But in game 2, Serge and Perkins COMPLETELY shut down Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol. They shot a combined 5-22. YYYYUCK. The only reason they were even in that game was because of Mike Conley's 24 points. Point is, Z-Bo and Marc have to step it up. Or pray that Russell Westbrook stops passing the ball completely (sort of likely).
Heat v. Celtics: The Heat beat the Philadelphia 76ers, which are a real basketball team. I enjoyed watching the 6ers in the playoffs, but they had no single chance to prevail. Celtics beat the Knicks in some sort of non-rivalry that only exists in the minds of sensationalistic homer beat writers. Also, the Knicks sucked total ass.
As you may see above, the Heat are playing prison rules and going all sorts of H*A*M on the C's. The Celtics deserve it though, as they've been doing this to everybody for three years now. This could be a long series, so I'm excited to see if the Heat win one of the games in Boston. Mostly because it would piss off this guy. Also mostly because when LeBron wasn't laying out Rondo, Dwyane Wade was acting like Ben Stiller from Happy Gilmore. Which is to say, torturingold people.
Bulls v. Hawks: The Hawks beat the Magic by failing to suck as much as they did. Dwight Howard is the balls, but why does everybody else on that team just refuse to play well? The Bulls beat the Pacers because the Bulls have Derrick Rose and the Indiana Pacers have a bunch of white goons.
I like the Hawks and all, but they are more likely to suck than the Magic. And as funky as Jamal Crawford is, I don't want to live in a world where Josh Smith is settling for jump shots in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, Derrick Rose is the MVP and he loves his mother. Fuck you if you don't love this interview (skip to 4:40).
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