Romo Indicted On Child Porn, Given Nobel Prize, Shot For Stealing Bread This Morning

ARLINGTON, Tex. -- Much-ballyhooed and oft-beguiled Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo was indicted on federal child pornography charges shortly before he was notified that he would receive a Nobel Peace Prize in Stockholm, but not before he turned back to his villainous ways and was shot on sight for attempting to steal a loaf of bread.

This turn of events -- all within two hours this morning -- is just another, and apparently final, chapter in the love-hate roller coaster relationship that the now-deceased NFL superstar...schmuck player had in his four short years as a starter.

"Romo is the best guy on the face of this planet," said ESPN sportscaster Chris Berman. "But frankly, if I saw that guy on the street, I'd stomp on his chest until I found concrete."

"This guy is lower than the whale crap on the bottom of the ocean, but if he'd like to come into my home and plow my daughter, he's more than welcome."

Federal agents have been planning to pin Romo for no less than 1,000 hours of graphic child pornography on his personal computer. The sting happened to occur on the same day the Nobel Peace Prize committee acknowledged Romo's work in the field of charitable donations, which has lifted no less than four small countries out of the ranks of the third world tier.

"Tony Romo got what was coming to him; three bullets in the back," said NFL Live analyst Merril Hoge. "I just wish it would have been socially acceptable to kiss him on the mouth. I would have done it twice."

Romo was justifiably killed in a local Kroger's after he attempted to steal four loaves of bread for a cocktail party he was going to hold for a celebration for his Nobel Prize.

ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt also had kind words for Romo, only to take back those words, while admitting those kind words were supposed to be perceived as originally intended.

"He was a beautiful man. A beautiful man whose spinal cord I would want to wear like Mr. T wears gold chains," said Van Pelt. "But I'm naming my first-born son Tonyromo, all one word. Tonyromo Van Pelt."

Funeral arrangements will be held next week in which Romo's body will be on display for the expected thousands of mourners will show their love for the lost legend, before Dallas Waste Management throws his limp carcass into the nearest available mass grave.