Friday, February 6, 2009

What is Vlade Divac doing?

Vlade dodi, he likes to party. He don't cause trouble, he don't bother nobody.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was wondering, "what the hell Vlade Divac was doing?" I've since learned he was filming a Taco Bell commercial.

Anyways, I started thinking to myself what could Vlade Divac be doing? I had some rational, if hilarious ideas at first, such as: Vlade Divac coaching the Croatian Women's National Team, or sideline reporting in Kiev. Funny ideas, but for some reason my thinking devolved into what I would like to see Vlade Divac do.

Recently, Old Booker Pogue and I brainstormed some mental images of Vlade Divac that will live with us forever.


-box tanya harding

-Fire two pistols at the same time
-intern in Marshawn's Crunk/Stank lab
-ride a giant zipline and do a cannonball into a lake

-sumo wrestle (fake fat suits) against bill cowher or mike leach

-shine shoes

-wreck a zamboni

-toss pizza dough. that would be huge

-put out a fire with a fire hose

-race an ostrich? Please.
box an ostrich?
lasso an ostrich and ride it

-waltz a kangaroo.
-harpoon moby dick

-Fight a giant squid with his bare hands, and knife in teeth

-scoop shit at a petting zoo

-reject a young basketball player's layup at the special olympics.
-enter a 3-legged race with wee man of jackass fame

-operate a jackhammer

-defeat ted nugent in paintball.

-Fight Kareem Abdul-Jabar in a remake of the final scene of Game of Death

-convince asia to lose the chopsticks and get on board with forks (they're just easier)
-reconcile the differences between dogs and cats (abraham simpson reference)

-whack snakes with a club.

-beat jimmy carter in arm wrestling before the screaming masses at MSG

-shoot an eskimo shooting a whale eating a dolphin. total catch 22.

-Run the ball on a 32 counter smash for the Titans

-suit up with a straight face in a wnba game
-deliver me a pizza. with corporate polo and ballcap.
-Write, direct, and act in Space Jam 2: Village of the Jammed
we will also accept, "Space Jam 2: Logjammin'"

-give gandhi a bloody nose
which gandhi? The one that died in 1947, or his granddaughter that runs India today?

-I'd like to see CBS drop Katie Couric for Vlade.
and then hear every reaction in mississippi and south carolina.

-Vlade whiddle
-play a slide trombone
or a washboard in a jug band while wearing overalls and a straw hat.
-race a pig at the state fair

-I want to see Vlade surf the big waves at Pea'hi, North Shore of Oahu

-I want to see him drop kick a koala, get swarmed by all of PETA, ALL of them at once, and then overcome, a la ving rhames in mars attacks.

-I want to see him be the wedge-buster on a kickoff in the NFL

-smoke weed with michael phelps
-photo bomb paris hilton with the shocker

-Chicken fight with michael phelps on his shoulders vs. Daryl Dawkins and Usain Bolt

-debunk, in a classroom lecure, sweatervest on, marshawn's proof that it don't get no better than solid.

-have a conversation with Marshawn Lynch
-rappel down the face of a tall building

Debate Willie Herenton

If you can think of a better thing Vlade Divac could be doing, drop it into the comments section. Hell, we might even put your name in the running for our inaugural "GRH MVP" T-Shirt contest (more news on that later. Tell your friends).


  1. First,


    Ok, I'll just drop a couple ideas so everyone can get up and get down.

    -Vlade as a Wal-Mart Greeter.

    -Sit next to those statues of Ronald McDonlad sitting on a bench.

    -Host his own hunting show (must be on Outdoor network they show the kills) "Realtree presents BIG GAME with Vlade Divac."

    -Work at Best Buy

    -Go on a rampage in Best Buy

    -Trip on sidewalk

    -Perform an overhead squat

    -Do a World of Warcraft commercial (you nerds will have to help me out with what character he could be)

    -Solve the world's energy crisis.

    -Double Dutch

    -Do an Under Armour comercial

    -Star in a Movie, where he gets a DUI, performs community service by coaching a rag tag rec league B-Ball team. At first, teach all the kids to flop then rely on a star transfer player because Vlade found out the borders were wrong. Go on a winning streak. Beat hated rival on a game winning reverse layup. 1...2...3...REVERSE LAYUP

    -Star in a 70's style sitcom, where Vlade is the lovable, yet clumsy stock boy at an appliance store. He must have a catch Phrase. Whenever He knocks over boxes everyone goes OHHHH Vlade, to which he replies, Vlade no do that!

  2. Some more:

    -Enter and win the Vendee Globe

    -Host the New Year's eve celebration

    -Fox News contributor

    -Perform 1940's style calisthenics

    -Sit in on ESPN/ Budweiser's (TM) Hot Seat

    -Take Steroids

    -Become a contributor on GRH

  3. -be a contestant on American Gladiators

    -play slamball

    -star in a remake of Demolition Man

    -Sing duet of 'Mysterious Ways' with Bono

    -Kick Pau Gasol's ass

  4. Host a game show, more specifically, Family Feud.