Friday, February 6, 2009
Vlade dodi, he likes to party. He don't cause trouble, he don't bother nobody.
So a couple of weeks ago, I was wondering, "what the hell Vlade Divac was doing?" I've since learned he was filming a Taco Bell commercial.
Anyways, I started thinking to myself what could Vlade Divac be doing? I had some rational, if hilarious ideas at first, such as: Vlade Divac coaching the Croatian Women's National Team, or sideline reporting in Kiev. Funny ideas, but for some reason my thinking devolved into what I would like to see Vlade Divac do.
Recently, Old Booker Pogue and I brainstormed some mental images of Vlade Divac that will live with us forever.
-box tanya harding
-Fire two pistols at the same time
-intern in Marshawn's Crunk/Stank lab
-ride a giant zipline and do a cannonball into a lake
-sumo wrestle (fake fat suits) against bill cowher or mike leach
-wreck a zamboni
-toss pizza dough. that would be huge
-put out a fire with a fire hose
-race an ostrich? Please.
box an ostrich?
lasso an ostrich and ride it
-waltz a kangaroo.
-harpoon moby dick
-Fight a giant squid with his bare hands, and knife in teeth
-scoop shit at a petting zoo
-reject a young basketball player's layup at the special olympics.
-enter a 3-legged race with wee man of jackass fame
-operate a jackhammer
-defeat ted nugent in paintball.
-Fight Kareem Abdul-Jabar in a remake of the final scene of Game of Death
-convince asia to lose the chopsticks and get on board with forks (they're just easier)
-reconcile the differences between dogs and cats (abraham simpson reference)
-whack snakes with a club.
-beat jimmy carter in arm wrestling before the screaming masses at MSG
-shoot an eskimo shooting a whale eating a dolphin. total catch 22.
-Run the ball on a 32 counter smash for the Titans
-suit up with a straight face in a wnba game
-deliver me a pizza. with corporate polo and ballcap.
-Write, direct, and act in Space Jam 2: Village of the Jammed
we will also accept, "Space Jam 2: Logjammin'"
-give gandhi a bloody nose
which gandhi? The one that died in 1947, or his granddaughter that runs India today?
-I'd like to see CBS drop Katie Couric for Vlade.
and then hear every reaction in mississippi and south carolina.
-play a slide trombone
or a washboard in a jug band while wearing overalls and a straw hat.
-race a pig at the state fair
-I want to see Vlade surf the big waves at Pea'hi, North Shore of Oahu
-I want to see him drop kick a koala, get swarmed by all of PETA, ALL of them at once, and then overcome, a la ving rhames in mars attacks.
-I want to see him be the wedge-buster on a kickoff in the NFL
-smoke weed with michael phelps
-photo bomb paris hilton with the shocker
-Chicken fight with michael phelps on his shoulders vs. Daryl Dawkins and Usain Bolt
-debunk, in a classroom lecure, sweatervest on, marshawn's proof that it don't get no better than solid.
-have a conversation with Marshawn Lynch
-rappel down the face of a tall building
Debate Willie Herenton
If you can think of a better thing Vlade Divac could be doing, drop it into the comments section. Hell, we might even put your name in the running for our inaugural "GRH MVP" T-Shirt contest (more news on that later. Tell your friends).