PART ONE: JEFF REED
Jeff Reed was cited for criminal mischief and disorderly conduct at a gas station in Pennsylvania. Why? Because Jeff Reed got loaded the other night and went apeshit on a paper towel dispenser. The towel dispenser received a thrashing at the hands of Mr. Reed for not being filled with paper towels.
At first I could understand his point. The paper towel dispenser's one goddamn goal in existence is to dispense paper towels what good is it if it isn't filled to the top with Brawny? None, that's how much.
But then I realized that it doesn't feel any pain, and wailing on such a useless piece of shit is useless. That, and I'm not a homosexual kicker. This guy is like the Paris Hilton of football. Always showing up doing something stupid while scantily clad and wasted.
[If you've made it this far, then I would just like to say that yes, I'm just as confused as you are about Gilbert Arenas' face]
PART TWO: MARSHAWN LYNCH
Lynch was arrested Wednesday for possession of a concealed handgun. The police in Culver City stopped Lynch and two others in a vehicle, then searched the vehicle, eventually finding a loaded firearm. He was released that night on $35,000 bail.
Culver City police did not immediately return a phone message seeking information about why officers first confronted Lynch and his companions, nor the probable cause for the vehicle search....
Well they didn't...
Then again, Lynch's driving record is somewhat questionable.
JEFF REED - Those dudes from the My New Haircut video
MARSHAWN LYNCH - Ted Kennedy