Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Mama Drama!

If anyone has ever played any level of organized athletics, you know who your biggest fan, biggest cheerleader, and most ardent supporter in the face of adversity is: your own mother.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, in fact, it’s one of the things that most athletes are most proud of. Mothers are enormous influences, but it seems as though if one is paid to play a game, a mother may be a little more present than say, if one were a CEO.

The following is an examination of instances when mothers have made headlines on the sports page, and what lessons we can learn from them.

LeBron James buys his mother an H2.

The first thing many athletes say they’re going to do is buy their mothers a house, a car, something to show their thanks for all the years of putting ice on ankles, bringing orange slices to games, waking up at 5 a.m. to drive to a tournament, etc. Let’s face it, the moms deserve it.

Now, what happens if someone jumps the gun a little, and buys a $60,000 ride before one graduates high school? Eyebrows raise, and the doubters claim that there is something rotten in Akron.

Did Bron do anything wrong? No. He applied for a loan, went through the proper channels of putting up collateral and convincing the loan officer that he was worthy of a car loan. Of course, it was a little easy, as all he really had to do was say, “Nike is going to give me $90 million before I play a single game in Cleveland.”

The lesson: Make sure your paperwork is in order when giving back to mom.

Vince Young’s mom calls 911.

Of course, moms are worriers. When you are supporting the entire family, have been slightly aloof, and disappear for a while, they are most likely going to lose their shit.

It’s no secret the Vince is a mama’s boy. He always talks about how the biggest influences in his life are his grandmother, his mother, and his older sister. They sheltered him throughout his entire youth, keeping his nose clean, and making sure he ended up in Austin instead of on the streets.

So, to revisit. You have a hard day, you want some time to yourself, and maybe just kick it with a friend instead of being around the fam. Nothing wrong with this. Just make sure they know what you’re up to.

The lesson: Call mom, tell her what you’re up to (specifically, tell her that you’re not going to kill yourself).

Most recently, Tommy Tuberville’s mom talks to the Opelika/Auburn newspaper.

Tommy Tuberville was let go as head coach of Auburn. His mom lived nearby, as she ended up talking to the local news (which has literally nothing better to do than write anything about Auburn).

Mrs. Tuberville said something to the extent of “My son didn’t resign on his own, he was fired.”

Now, Tommy Tuberville didn’t voluntarily leave his post. Of course, officially he resigned, but we all know that some sort of backroom deal existed. This allowed Tuberville to take his $5.1 million separation pay, and still have plenty of friends among the Auburn faithful, highly complimentary job recommendations, etc. He got all of this by going quietly, and not forcing the powers that be to fire him.

Backroom deals belong in the backroom, not in the minds of mothers that live within earshot of the local daily.

The lesson:
Call mom, but don’t tell her everything (a little misinformation never hurt anyone when millions of dollars are on the line).

The Campbell’s Chunk Soup Commercials.
You didn’t honestly think that all those women were actually the real mothers of Donovan McNabb, DeMarcus Ware, LaDanian Tomlinson, et al did you?

The lesson:
When in doubt, let the soup company tell you who your mom is!


  1. We talked about this, but I think Donovan's mom was in some of those commercials. when my mom watched football games and a flag was thrown, she always replied: "What did Lattimer do wrong" She was correct 50% of the time. Mainly holding and personal fouls. A wise man (The Law Dog) always said: "If you aint cheatin you aint tryin."

    Law held a lot.

  2. Maybe Mrs. Tuberville could be taken more seriously if she'd stop to put herself together and not violently wield that cooking pot.

    Then again, were some crazy woman bemoaning her son's termination to the sound of a steel-to-head-collision, she probably would receive the most serious consideration I could offer.

  3. This article is incomplete without the mention of AI's mom. I believe she publicly supported him after he kicked his naked girlfriend out of the house at gunpoint.

    Isaiah Rider's mom as well. The woman drove him to practice so that they Lakers wouldn't cut his ass. Even though apparently this was not enough to ensure his arrival her effort is noted.