Merry Christmas, you steroid abusing pussies!

Not sure if you assholes know this, but I finally got into the big leagues long after many of you chumps would have been considered washed up. I was old, but I was good.

Also, I struck out Babe Ruth. None of you chumps could do that. I fucking did. I didn't need any steroids to do it, either. I just did it in some field with some folks watching.

Also, I put a team on my shoulders, and dragged those worthless pukes kicking and screaming to victory. Me! Not Wilford Brimley, not anybody else. When we needed a hit, I hit it. When a ball needed catching, I caught it. Every single thing that could have been done. Did I demand more money? Fuck no! I didn't want fame or celebrity, I just wanted to play baseball. If I got to bang Kim Bassinger along the way, shit I earned it. But I did all of this after getting shot and having a drinking problem! None of you miserable punks could deal with that!

And steroids? Shit, I got good at baseball the old fashioned way. By smacking the shit out of the ball and throwing it hard. Steroids don't fix your eyesight, dumbasses! That's what you really need. You're all useless. You don't deserve to pound whiskey out of my flask in the middle of the fifth. Except that Josh Hamilton guy. Something about his mojo that I like.

So Merry Christmas to all of you steroid abusing pussies. Even though I was created in the mind of an author that mostly talked about Judaism in his books.

Whatever.