Ok first read this. Courtesy of the New York Daily News.
"Which professional athlete talks dirty in the third person? Many of his A-list conquests have had to endure "Yeah, [blank] likes it like that!"
Now on to the rules:
Has to be an athlete.
Have to use third person.
If you use something like "Roger" please designate which Roger.
And of course we want it to be funny.
"Annnnnd Kobe takes it to the hole."
(Thanks to Deadspin, Sports Crackle Pop, and of course, The New York Daily News)