Something Good Might've Happen for the U.S. In Soccer, Or Not, No One Knows

SPRINGFIELD — Sources have yet to confirm or deny that something good for the United States soccer team might have happened today.

No one has confirmed that they were in fact watching an alleged game between the USA and Spain, who could be ranked as high as No. 1 in the world or as low as somewhere below Brazil, who most thought was No. 1.

"I dunno, I had ESPN on in the background and they said something about us winning a game?" said local man Russ Applegarth. "I think I had heard we were pretty good this year. Right?"

Fireworks stands across the country are currently gearing up for Independence Day festivities next weekend, however some say they are ready to make a second order before the holiday if patriotic sentiments flare up over a possible victory in the sport.

"I mean, if it happened, and people get fired up about it, sure, we'll sell a couple of firecrackers early," said Earl Meadows, owner of a local fireworks stand. "If not, I should be good through the Fourth."

In other soccer related news, scientists have unearthed that American football may have been a tangent of rugby, which is in no way related to soccer, according to those same scholars.