The High-Brow Snob in Your Office Just Feigning Interest in the French Open

DALLAS — Despite remonstrations to the contrary, coupled with heavy sighs and eye-rolling at the mention of college football, Tom Morgan, the middle manager in your office with an ambiguous job description, has been feigning interest in the annual clay contest, the French Open, just to make you feel uncultured.

"I couldn't believe it," said human resources representative Michael Andrews. "He's always talking about Federer and Rodick and the Williams Sisters, and acting like he's above talking about the NBA playoffs. I thought he was really classy..."

The leak was revealed when Hunter Spellman, the office page, delivered Morgan's iced latte and realized that while USA's coverage of the Open was on loudly on his tiny in-office television set, Morgan's computer screen showed clips from America's Funniest Home Videos and Family Guy, with an ear-plug to drone out the tennis.

"I saw him at the Country Club," said Spellman, who works part time at the Pleasant Ridge Country Club as a caddy. "That racquet was always in his hand. Guess I should've realized that he wasn't sweating even though he was wearing a big, white sweater.

"I always thought the shorts kept him cool."

Morgan had no comment, saying he wasn't about to stoop to anyone else's level to talk about something as trivial as anything other than cricket, which apparently Morgan is now "all about, man."