Coaches Brown, Carroll, and Meyer Flock Emergency Room at Mention of Ross/Richard Offspring

AUSTIN — In what many are calling a completely sane and well-thought out move by some of college football's best and brightest, Texas coach Mac Brown, USC coach Pete Carroll and Florida coach Urban Meyer are patiently waiting outside an emergency room believed to be occupied by former UT athletic standouts Aaron Ross and Sonia Richards' newborn infant.

"I think we're at a place in our organization where we're ready to sign him," said Carroll. "Whatever his name ends up being, that is."

Brown said that he trusted the couples Longhorn roots would bring the coveted prospect back home to Austin.

"Fact of the matter is, he's a game changer. We'd sure love to have him in that beautiful burnt orange," said Brown. "Game. Changer."

Meyer said that he thought Florida could host the talented recruit, given the family's medical history with Gator QB Tim Tebow, who has already offered to circumcise the five-star athlete.

"It's crazy to think how good this kid will be, not only on the field, due to his parents, but off the field, due to Timmy being the first person he'll ever see and get a high five from," said Meyer.

Ross and Richards — who both have received a bevy of accolades for their own athletic achievements — say they feel blessed to have such a talented offspring, and look forward to a graceful ascent toward the upper echelon of first tier athletics.

"It's great. I'm so proud of all he's accomplished," said Ross.

Illinois Coach Ron Zook was spotted waiting outside the emergency room with NCAA banned-lollipops and other delicious and distracting paraphernalia.