Cristiano: "Why so glum, friendo? You no like me fucking you wife? Look, I make cool. I fuck you too."
I can barely contain my excitement. The World Cup is one of my favorite sporting events, but unlike the NFL or NBA playoffs, I have to wait four fucking years to watch it. Instead of waxing poetic about how it's a great game and Americans are stupid for not watching it, I'm just going to pass along whatever I come across in a series of quickies.
First up, David Beckham + Snoop Dogg + Daft Punk + one of the guys from Oasis + one of the guys from Knocked Up + Star Wars.
Also, Shakira sings the theme song for the World Cup. Because nothing says South Africa like Colombia.
Now I hope that at least some of you will give half a shit about the games this weekend. They will at least be fun, regardless of the outcome. Plus, America plays England. I can't wait for that. My advice would be to find the nearest "pub" to go watch. You'll be able to find these things pretty easily. They are the places where you try to drink as much beer as you normally do, but either get too full or run out of money before you're properly shitcanned.
Until later, biotches.