Demarcus Cousins: Dave! Hey, it's me, Demarcus! Great to finally meet you!
I can't tell you how excited I am. I've been dreaming of this moment my entire life. So who's going to pay me to play basketball?
Sacramento. Nope. Never heard of it. Is it in Alabama? Hm. Is it in Kentucky? Well where...? California! Shit yes! I'm going to Hollywood!
Oh. Not near Hollywood. Wait, there's a NORTHERN California? Shit yes! I can finally wear this hat I found.
Bitchin'. I've been wanting to put this fuzzy thing on my head ever since I swerved to miss it because I thought it was a dog on the highway. I think I'm going to like Sacramento. Apparently they let basketball players run the city there.
So who do I get to play with?
/Looks at roster
Hmmm. Never heard of most of these guys. Well, except for Tyreke. Coach Cal always talked about him. You know, some of these guys look a little fat. I'm worried about the conditioning program of these so-called "Kings."
/ripples in water glass
//table starts shaking
///ground starts rumbling
////Sean May bursts through wall
Sean May: 'Sup, bitch? Rookie hazing starts today. Go and get me a box of donuts, some cheese straws, and two bags of funyuns. Oh, and a six pack of root beer. I'll be on my bean bag chair, just come and find me.
Demarcus: Well, I at least hope the owners are nice.
Oh... Ummmm. Aw, shit.