Thursday, June 10, 2010
CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA - Robert Green, a goal keeper for the English World Cup Team, has been shot with a high-powered laser beam by a time traveling vigilante known only as McTred, leaving Green in several separate pieces of charred flesh and ash.
"You know how in those American films Terminator and Back to the Future[Part II], people are always going back in time to fix some sort of catastrophe in the future?" explained English midfielder Shaun Wright-Phillips. "This chap comes runnin' out of a inter-dimensional vortex, and wham-o. There goes Greenie. Must've done something real bad."
Green will therefore be unavailable for the match against Team USA, scheduled for Saturday, as being the only player to use his hands, he has none left.