Monday, August 16, 2010

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

My roommate is a teacher. Which seems pretty awesome, because he gets summers off like the students. But unfortunately, it means he gets pretty broke in the summer until he finally gets a second job. This year, his second job was demolition. It was pretty sweet. He pretty much tore down an entire Pei Wei with his bare hands. The only shitty part was that he had to work from 9 pm until 9 am. I guess you can't destroy shit with the daywalkers.

So, the NFL's future is in doubt. They may lock out next season. It will be awful. And not just for us, but it's going to put thousands of people out of work. Many of these people are millionaires, so they'll be cool, but many will need to find an alternate source of income.

Brandon Marshall has an idea. He'll just go to the NBA. Well, he won't, but he thinks he is. And everybody's gotta have a dream.

So this got me thinking. What other occupations should NFL players take to make ends meet? Today's shit storm means you take an NFL player, and name what other job he would be good at. If you're going to say someone should play another sport, be specific with team/position/what they bring to the table. But let's try to think outside of the box. Ordinary nine-to-fives are preferred.

My selection is Brian Dawkins is a cowboy (If I can't see it in the NFL, I can imagine this). Basically, because I think Dawkins would be great at bulldogging a steer. He probably wouldn't even use a horse. He would just run up on a steer and wrestle that shit to the ground. I mean, think about it.

This...


doing this...


So yeah. Alternate careers for NFLers. Shit Storm go.

13 comments:

  1. I'm pretty sure Peyton Manning knows some people at Howard Weil, a New Orleans energy investment firm. Might be able to get on as a broker, maybe inside salesman.

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  2. Steven Jackson likes architecture, perhaps he can score an internship.

    And T.O/Ochocinco already have their back up plans in motion.

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  3. Jared Allen should be a roadie for Motley Crüe.

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  4. Tashard Choice: Naturalist. Nature continues to amaze him. His tweets whenever "Life" came on were hilarious.

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  5. Tony Romo could be a roller coaster tester. How fun the roller coaster is can be measured in the size of the shit-eating grin on his face.

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  6. Chris Cooley needs to get a show called "shit I do in my back yard"

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  7. Julius Peppers can be the clown mouth at a putt putt golf course.

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  8. LeBron James should work in HR. He is good at bringing people together, wasting a whole shit ton of your time and killing your hopes and dreams for the future.

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  9. sorry, i missed the NFL only part

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  10. What's Rex Grossman up to these days? I figure he'd be the pushy, young real estate agent who's aggressively trying to get these 20-somethings into year-long leases in shitty apartments. "Bro, that dish washing machine wasn't broken before, we gotta keep that deposit."

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