Monday, August 30, 2010

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I didn't watch, but I understand Jimmy Fallon was horrible which doesn't surprise me in the least.

But I was watching TV and SPORTS!!!

So for this shit storm we are combining TV CHARACTERS with sports we would like to see them play.

For instance.

The Emmy's were on last night
I always thought Chris Partlow would be a great football player. Most likely on the defensive side of the ball. He'd be that quiet guy the first day, just putting on his pads, doing the stretches. The Oklahoma drill comes up and WHACK, he just starts lighting people up.

My only request is that we get creative with this so please no, "Bunk once played Lax."

This shit is theoretical.

Ok Begin.


  1. I think that if we got Gob from Arrested Development on a cycle or two, he would be Rick Ankiel.

  2. I'm pretty sure Jack from Lost would be a quarterback that only shows glimpses of promise every now and then, like Jon Kitna and Byron Leftwich.

    Scratch that, I think Matthew Fox could go in and play QB better than Byron Leftwich.

  3. Jack Bauer is listed on the football team as "athlete." He plays on every special team, and forces a fumble on nearly at least once a game.

  4. I would think that he would get some type of personal foul as well.

  5. I think Tony Soprano would be a football coach. I was thinking baseball manager, but the depth charts of football lend itself to the hierarchy of la costra nosta. football also has an emphasis on field position. (turf)

    Also, strippers and cocaine.

  6. We can also sub anyone in the co-op with the above example.

  7. Literally everyone on Entourage is a LAX player.

    (Cool concept, ruined by the people who play it)

  8. Dennis Haysbert from the Unit is a power-hitter from a mystery voodoo-practicing Caribbean nation.


  9. Fine, I'll say it.

    Jane Lynch, Women's Softball.


  10. I think the guys from Jersey Shore would make an awesome hockey team. Snooki can be the goalie.

    Quick to fight, but at the same time fiercely loyal. I bet they all know how to ice skate, too.

  11. everyone needs to take a couple seconds and imagine the jersey shore as a hockey team.

    Pauly D- yeah so we were at the rink and you know I was just doing my thing then I saw this stage 5 opening at the net. So you know I'm Pauly D and I do my thing, you know I start dancing towards the net then I just get this bangin shot on it and I take it cause thats what I do you know.

    Situation- Yo so the whole gang decides to go to the rink, you know have a good time, and I'm just chillin out in the neutral zone then some guy says eh. EH? Yo at that point we had a situation.

    JWOW- Yo these mother fuckers came flying at me fucking trying to hit me, shoot these black fucking disks me, and then one talked shit to snookie and I was like Yo, you fucking skank, I can either kick your ass, or kick your ass.

  12. I bet the creepy guy from Law and Order SVU bea pitcher for the Mets. Maybe he can figure out why they can't get a championship.

  13. If you're talking about Vincent D'Onofrio, I like that a lot.

  14. Keeping with a whole cast of characters being a team, I'm going to say the platoon from Generation Kill as a baseball team.

    They're precise and exact enough for all the precision aspects of baseball (like hitting, throwing off-speed funkiness). They are way to comfortable speaking their own nomenclature, making hand signals and signs easier. And of course, they love them some tobacky.

  15. Well that's a mini series.

    Mills Lane?

    "I'll allow it"