Thursday, August 5, 2010

CFB Preview

(Yes Joe Paterno is the most intentionally funniest in that video)

#10- The Big Ten (11) Conglomerate

We usually do one team in these slots, but when I look at the top ten it would be wrong to not mention the following three teams, yet at the same time none of them really deserve that spot. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

Penn State

The Big Ten (11) is a little different this year. Usually we have two teams who are sure to finish 1-2 (in some years one, or both vying for the MNC) with a third team as the darkhorse. These teams were usually the big 3 in tOSU, UM, and PSU (minus the early 2000's) Every once and a while you'd see a team like Wisconsin, or Illinois, but for the most part things remained status quo. This year is slightly different. tOSU is clearly the favorite yet we have 3 teams who could A. Challenge for the title B. Be a darkhorse for a BCS bid. So in my opinion the Big Ten (11) should have one of its deeper years.

Yet, everyone still hates what is now becoming the most influential conference in College Sports. I hit the streets (of Gchat) to find out what the people think.

Zack Stovall-

The Big Ten? More like the Big Douche Nozzles!

have fun eating corn with nebraska you boring, worthless motherfuckers
Tate Forcier was the most exciting player in that conference last year, and doesn't even have the starting job anymore. Why? because somebody else works harder than him in practice. Real flavorful, Michigan.


On to our First team Penn State.

The loss of Daryl Clark means that So. Kevin Newsome will have to get on task training very quickly and Evan Royster will have to do everything. Not really, but that should be the game plan. It's actually not all that bad on offense. Newsome is a similar QB to Clark and he hails from the VA Beach area that gave us greats like Mike Vick, Allen Iverson, Ronald Curry, Marcus Vick, and Tyrod Taylor. Old State also returns 4 on the OL and their entire WR core. So yeah, you got all the pieces Newsome, no pressure buddy.

The defense is on of those units that is always good it just depends how over extended cowboy collaring they can be. They only return 5 but the HERO Sukay is key. Plus the next class of Linebacker U is coming up with the latest graduates including Stupar, who saw a significant amount of PT and Matui who everyone has been high on for a while.

Looking at the schedule they have several big games. First they play the defending champions in Tuscaloosa on Sep 11, then they travel to Iowa on Oct 2, then travel to Columbus on Nov 13. So all three big games on the road. But the Iowa game is important. PSU has history of pulling crazy shit against Alabama and Ohio State, but not Iowa. No Iowa has pwnd Penn State in recent years. In fact I think that's all they do. Grow corn and beat Penn State.

Realistically we're looking at a 3 loss team who will get a trip to the Capital one bowl to face a SEC team. Yay!!!

Next Wisconsin

You might be asking yourself why Wisconsin? And I said the same thing, but let's just look at the facts. 10 returners on offense 10 a fucking 10. the only position they are replacing is fullback...FULLBACK. Wisconsin doesn't recruit fullbacks, they spawn them in the secret Barry Alvarez Memorial Backfield Cloning and Genetic Research Lab. TB John Clay is one of these clones, yet I feel like he's undersized for a Wisconsin back at only 6'1 248. SR. QB Tolzien (who is ranked number 1 on my draft board for handing off) should follow in the rich tradition of Wisconsin QB's by throwing quick slants and play action bombs 15-20 times a game. The returning OL all seem like squareheads and the smallest one is 312 lbs. At WR they have one huge guy, and one small guy. Alvarez is pleased.

The defense returns 6 and the new faces are young, but they aren't slouches. DT's Kohout and Butrym both rank inside the top 40 at their position and LB Mike Taylor is inside the top 100. But let's be honest here. Doeren and Bielema are going to put together a solid unit that won't screw up the Offense's chance to run another form of power.

The early portion of the schedule is insanely easy for the Badgers. The only test comes in the form of ASU in Camp-Randall, but October could be rough. In consecutive weeks they play their rival, Minnesota, tOSU, and at Iowa. So hey 2 losses isn't out of the picture. At the end of the day, this is just a better version of the Wisconsin teams we have come to know and love. And say what you want about the spread or any other system, but considering Wisconsin isn't really a hotbed of football talent it seems that this system that Alvarez started, and Bielema continues is working.

Last, Iowa

Did you know Nile Kinnick played at Iowa? Me neither, they should really advertise that more. (I kid, Kinnick was a badass)

Every year, we hear about Iowa being a darkhorse for the Big 10 (11) and possibly a MNC. Every Year we hear how great Kirk Frentz is. Every. Fucking. Year. This disturbs me because this causes Iowa fans to read into these predictions which then follows with them going through the schedule saying "Yep, should beat them, yep, yep, yep, Oh Ohio State? Well hey you never know, yep, yep, yep. Well hey we should be undefeated" I shit you not I had an Iowa fan tell me that they could be the #1 team. Key word COULD. how did he come to this conclusion? The same exact logic. "Well that Northwestern game was a fluke and that Ohio State game went to OT, so you know we could probably beat Texas and Alabama." Now, we're hearing this even more because they manhandled GT in last year's ACC slaughter Bowl Orange Bowl.

The offense returns 6. Hey the QB and RB are back!!!
This concludes our analysis of Iowa offensive football.

But honestly everyone knows Iowa lives and dies with it's defense. There aren't many things I like about Iowa (State and football teams) but I will say that Norm Parker is one of them. For years he's put together defenses that are so mind numbingly simple it allows his players to play fast and aggressive on the field without the need for blue chip talent. This year the Hawkeyes return 8 Led by DE Adrian Clayborn (Repping the Lou) DT Ballard, and LB Jeremiha Hunter. So yes, the defense will be good.

The schedule isn't too crazy, they travel to Arizona early and like I said the ritual sacrifice of PSU commences Oct 2 after that they get Wisconsin at home the 23rd and Ohio State on Nov 20th. I refuse to act like an Iowa fan in this situation and go through the schedule looking at potential wins or losses. I encourage you to do the same.

Looking at these three teams there aren't a lot separating them, which is why I felt that I needed to include all three. If you want to pick one to be a possible BCS/Rose bowl pick it has to be Iowa. They are an experienced team with a solid defense, and yes, even guys like Ricky Stanzi and Adam Robinson can contribute. But it should be fun this year because we don't have the big 3 running the show, and looking down the road with the addition of Nebraska The Big 10 (12) could be the deepest (not best) conference in the nation (If they aren't already)The other factor is Michigan in what is certainly a make or break year for RichRod. Last year they showed glimpses of brilliance and at other times they looked down right Notre Dameish. Two things, Michigan could make a run and really shit in some cheerios OR thay fall flat, RichRod gets canned, and (gasp) Ferentz takes the higher profile job at Michigan.

But this is all irrelevant to our readership because you'll just make fun of them anyway


  1. The Big Ten? More like the Big Douche Nozzles!


  2. Iowa's Clayborn, repping Webster Groves, too. I know people who know him!

  3. Clayborn beat the shit out of some cab driver, but evidently the cabbie hurled a racial epithet his way so it's fine by me.

    Welcome to Iowa

  4. I also should say that I really should like Iowa. A lot of guys from STL end up playing there, and i like the way they go about their business.

    But I just can't.

  5. As far as our little buddy program is concerned, one of our big traits that we were looking for is a BCS buster. Iowa falls into that category pretty well.

  6. Oh, and I hate Wisconsin because of Ron Dayne. They will never do anything to rectify this.

  7. I could cheer for Iowa, and a hometown hero who gave someone whatfor for using the N-word at him...

    Hawkeyes? Hawkeyes.

  8. For fuck's sake how is the hell is Iowa a little buddy?

    This year Iowa is easily a top 15 program and that is a very conservative ranking. Iowa has a rich football tradition, not to mention their wrestling program who shits on people year in and year out.

    Iowa, A Big 10 power does not need a big brother.