Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I hope Joe Paterno rules the world one day

Well we know College football is right around the corner because we are starting to get Joe Paterno is a walking zombie columns.

Except this year it's a little different. This year instead of focusing on the QB issue, or if the crop of young linebackers can live up to the title of Linebacker U, we have fuckheads predicting when Joe Paterno will die.

It started off with the typical "Paterno looked old at Big Ten (11) media days" article, and now it's taken off into coffin bearing madness.

Everyone is referencing this article by Mike Gross' Lancaster Online article.

Now before I we begin, dear reader, let's put down the Leupold's and put things into a little perspective.

Lancaster Online covers Lancaster County PA.

Lancaster County is where Amish people live.

Sure, there are normal folk there, the Mennonite's (Amish Lite) produce fine pie safes, and the area is generally lovely minus the typical New Yorker who buys a farm and thinks they are "real,"

But the fact of the matter is that when you are a writer for the Lancaster newspaper the big news is Rumspringa and Albright football. So perhaps it would behoove a lowly Dutchman to
throw the cow over the fence some hay and stir up a little sauerkraut.

For those of you not verse in Pennsylvania Dutch that means "pissing in cheerios to get some page views."

So Gross writes the article. Fine. Lancaster will do terrible things to fine men. But this is a perfect example of why the internet sucks.

See because when one asshat writes a shitty article, bigger asses, with larger hats take that article and suddenly become experts on the subject.

Oh and they lose all sense of perspective and tact.

In fact all you have to do is read the last line.

Epic ending Bro.

Ok I'm done, back to the main point.

Paterno has been doing this for years, and in the age of new gimmicks and coaching flip flops Joe Paterno has been the bedrock of college football.

It's funny when people ask me what Paterno does on the Penn State staff because I simply respond with "The same thing Mack Brown does for Texas."

I mean, we've come to the point where we are analyzing his mouth movement? Shit if I did a press conference people would think that I needed a colostomy bag.

In all honesty I have so many things to address. Age discrimination, douchebaggery, the single wing, program management, asshats, winningest D1 coach, doodling plays, etc.

But I'm tired of it.

I agree. Leave him alone, but not because he is on his death bed. No, it's because he's a great coach and he has a top 15 team that could challenge for a Big Ten (11) title.

1 comment:

  1. Joe Pa is the Jack Nicklaus of football coaching. Furthermore, it's always good when your coach is from a time when there was no such thing as "water breaks" or "painkillers."