Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War

Evidently this is a brawl during a Canadian football contest. It's not the best brawl I've seen, but it may be the funniest. Follow along dear reader.

Pre-play: A Canadian brawl, this can't be That bad eh?

0:10 Yes it is, we apparently have the rare team/fan brawl. The white Team is as stunned as I am. Also note #15 going after the old guy.

0:20 Ahhh another rare treasure, the milk crate SMASH.

0:22 #19 threw something, I can't tell what. I HOPE it's a kicking tee. Let's go with with kicking tee.

0:45 I still don't know what is going on here, I mean the other team is in white and grey (terrible football colors, figures Canada) and the "fans" dominant color is red and black, but it seems the one cat is wearing a hockey jersey (again, Canada)

0:53 The most risky, yet effective move in stadium brawls is performed. The 5 row tackle. It's the end around of stadium brawls. How's the view from chair back heaven Bitch?!

0:56 Obviously the orange team has seen a brawl or two before, they follow the 5 row tackle with the deadly spike stomp. That's a C-C-C-C-COMMMMMMMMBO BREAKER!!!!!!!

1:20 And red sweatshirt gets put out of his misery

Then right after the killshot, underarmour guy jumps off the stands. A kill shot and drop the mic. Like your style underarmour guy.

1:33 Shit, these Canadians are some spike stomping mother fuckers

Before I go on I want to send a message to all the little hobbers out there. Don't ever take your helmet off during a football fight. I mean sure, people can grab your facemask but really, it is an excellent short range offensive tool, not to mention the inherent defensive qualities. A little of me dies every time I see a young player rip off their helmet. Think about your helmet as a Spartan spear, once you lose it you have compromised your protective posture, plus in a player on fan brawl you are suited like a god damn Roman legionare against the Gauls. Now there is only one instance when losing your helmet is justified.....

1:35 THAT is when you lose a helmet. That might be the greatest helmet toss in history (Turley included) What an accurate death blow.
(I really want that to be underarmour guy, let's go with underarmour guy)

1:42 Oh finally someone tries to break things up, too bad it's the Canadian Refs with their funny numbers

1:55, you'll have to go back to 1:45 to get the whole story but I believe they were fighting over a coat?

2:36 I believe that is red sweatshirt, the recipient of the 5 row tackle and spike stomping.

2:45 Quick, caption contest in the comments!!!!

But really I have no idea either

And as quickly as it started our young gladiators redeploy to their bench, tending to the wounded and gloating at their vanquished foes.

The one thing that gets me is NOBODY stopped this brawl, it just ended. Perhaps I'm used to our American brawls where coaches and police are quick to respond, however it seems that our neighbors to the North engage in the ancient and sacred ways of Football brawling where a fight to the death is not only a way of life, but an honor.

I wish I knew more about this battle between the oranges and the fans, however that is the blessing and curse of having a raw Canadian video feed.

I would like to end this by having everyone take a moment of silence to remember the sacrifices made on this fateful night. Especially for the men like sweatshirt, the red who sacraficed his body for the honor of the fans. But let us also not forget the heroic actions of the valiant oranges. Led by #55 the strong, #19 the wise, and especially underarmour guy. Who, inspite of the ravaging hordes of fans delivered a haymaker and a helmet toss, all while instructing his soldiers to stomp the head and chest of sweatshirt the red with metal tipped football spikes. Generations from now the oranges will look back on this day and say "who will stand here and fight with underarmour guy, who will push the fans back into the cold graves of the upper deck, Who will protect this house!?"


  1. @2:45-

    So ah, I guess that raps up the action here today. I'd like to thank our sponsors, production team and the camera guys. They do great work out there doon't they?

  2. Adding on to icehouse

    "Oh yeah and you gotta love the show of sportsmanship from both teams, that's really what it's all about folks"

  3. This is the post of the month. By far.

  4. Gets the cashmere sweater back:

    "Is that a red dot?"