OMG! PLAYOFF CALIBER FUNK!

German Hank Hill Dirk made OKC look silly the other night, knocking down 48 pale and uninspiring points, none of which made while breathing through his nostrils. Last night, Alabaster Jones got his. And how!

Oklahoma City plays Dallas in the Western Conference Finals.

This video pretty much sums up this series. Dallas is about as lame and white as Hank, while the new kids from OKC have flavor, like Alabaster Jones.

I think the Grizz would have had a better chance to beat the Mavs. They play a slowed-down game, and pound the rock inside, which are two things the Mavs haven't been great against historically. They also took 3 out of 4 against Dallas this season.

The Thunder play an up-and-down game very similar to the Mavs, and match up pretty evenly against them (until you get to the bench), so get ready for a lot of points.

The real tragedy of this game is that it's on ESPN instead of TNT. FREE CHUCK AND C-WEBB!

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I have a strong affection for gym class. Some of you may have horrifying stories, or your teacher was a dick, but I've had nothing but positive experiences learning about physical education.

When I was real young it was kind of stupid. We did all that parachute bullshit, but it was still a break from learning cursive.

Then, in 4th grade everything changed. I got a gym teacher who didn't give two shits about actual teaching and let us just ball out of control. I'm talking basketball, pickleball, bombardment, powerball, team hand ball, and floor hockey every day.

In high school it got even better. Our teacher was so relaxed that during my free periods I'd walk into a freshman class and either hang out or join in a game.

I feel like we need to recognize our favorite games, so for this shit storm select your favorite PE game.

My selection has to be floor hockey. I love that game so much. In fact, now I'm going to start googling local floor hockey leagues.


Shit storm begin

Weekend Fun Bag!!!

Look. We've been slow lately, but it's not our fault. Blogger was down yesterday, and quite frankly we didn't care to check after 4 pm.

Plus, we know everyone reads this stuff on Sunday. Oh that's right, we have sitemeter, we know your game commenters. Especially YOU from Praha, Hlavni Mesto Praha in the Czeck Republic. You know who you are.

Anyway WOOOOOO WEEKEND!!!

Brian knows what I'm talking about. RIGHT!!!

/high five

We've got some good basketball ahead of us. Unfortunately, Blake Griffin is not a part of that basketball. So just to remind you, here's a video of him dunking in high school.


Speaking of basketball. I love our country so much because cops dunking balls while on horseback elicts USA chants.


Hobbers, I know you guys like to have fun, but seriously don't do it it the park, it just really fucks up the landscaping. In other news, I really want to hang out with this guy.


Here's something new I learned this week. The rivalry between two Scottish soccer teams, Celtic/Rangers, is really a old secretarianism issue which stems from bigotry between Catholics and Protestants. It's gone so far that Celtic coach, Neil Lennon, has been sent bombs, and bullets in the mail. And recently he was just attacked on the field. I've told people not to underestimate the craziness of Scottish protestants, but I feel like we really need to put this in perspective. It's still just soccer. Nobody is going to ACTUALLY get hurt.
/Baits soccer Football fans


Finally, I know we have a lot of young graduates here. Did you graduate? You did CRAZEE things? No Way? You had, like, tons of fun, met new friends? Wait you found yourself?!?! That's, like, totally different from everyone else's experience. As a member of society I'd like to say. Welcome to our world bitch. Hope you like shit sandwiches.

Marlins Grounds Crew Plays Like an Expansion Grounds Crew

Icehouse has always wanted to be a groundskeeper. Maybe because he Rudy too many times and wanted to be a wise old sage who told Sean Astin that he sucked and stuff.

Or maybe it was the Asians in Major League.

Either way, it's a cherry gig. Work 81 days a year, get front row seats to all the games, but the best part has to be when you have to spring into action. You jump up, and run your happy ass across the field in the rain.

In the early days of the Marlins, the grounds crew did not perform that well. You would think they would get a little practice, what with it raining every day in Florida in April and May. But what the hey, this dated video is funny. Enjoy.

via Flip Flop Fly Ball

GASOLINE ON YOUR FLAME OF NIGHT TERRORS

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA WEEP MORTALS! FEEL THE FIRES OF A THOUSAND NIGHTS OF HORROR-WROUGHT SLEEP AS YOU FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE WRECKAGE AND MAYHEM BEFORE YOU. BAAAHAHAHAHAHA!THAT ARM SHOULDN'T DO THAT!LET IT WRENCH YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM!

NOT ENOUGH?!



OH AND DONE BY THE TUMBLING ANGST OF ONE GREATER THAN HE! OH THIS FIRES MY JIBBLETS! I PRAY THAT THE NEVER-ENDING FILM REEL ON THE PROJECTION SCREEN THAT IS THE INSIDE OF YOUR EYELIDS NEVER CEASES TO PLAY THESE 53 SECONDS OVER AND OVER! BWAHAHAHAH!

STILL UNIMPRESSED?!



FACE TRANSPLANT! HIS LIFE IS SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER WHILE YOURS IS EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY DIMINISHED BY BEING ABLE TO SEE HIS WRETCHED AND DISFIGURED VISAGE! DO NOT CURSE YOUR EYES, FOR THEY CANNOT SAVE YOU NOW! YOU ARE SEEING THIS IN YOUR MIND'S EYE, FOR WHOM BLINDNESS CANNOT TRIUMPH!



AHHHH THE TIMELESS CLASSICS! NOW YOU MUST WATCH HIM GIVE MEDIOCRE ANALYSIS, WHICH IS THE TRUE VICTORY FOR ME AS IT WILL ALSO GIVE YOU HELLISH NIGHT TERRORS BOUND TO MAKE THE MOST STRONG OF MEN INVOLUNTARILY URINATE AND WEEP SILENTLY FOR RELIEF THAT WILL NEVER COME!



KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENS TO ALL WHO PLAY SOCCER!!! AND IT IS THE MOST POPULAR SPORT IN THE WORLD! LET THAT ECHO IN YOUR SKULL WHILE YOU ATTEMPT TO REST PEACEFULLY! SLUMBER IN TURMOIL!!! BAHAHAHAHAHHAHA....



You win, Christian the Lion. You always do."

Signed,

The Devil