We're going to make this one short and sweet, so I'm only going to say this ONCE.
Pick any sport and give it a new position. Describe how it would affect the sport and give some particulars on said position. Don't be a douche bag about this.
My pick: I want one guy on each soccer team who can pick the ball up and run it, like in rugby. Let's call him the boulder. This man will be allowed to run unfettered, although be heavily padded, as hand ball rules will still be strictly enforced, and he will incur many a-cleats to his person. It will still behoove the rest of the team to kick it around and shit, but adds a wild card element to the whole thing. "LOOGIT THIS CRAZY GUY JUST SNAGGING IT OUT OF THE AIR AND RUNNING LIKE THE SWEATY-TOOTHED MADMAN HE IS!"
It also has an element of the Seeker from Quidditch in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. So that's dope.
Well it's been a great week. First we completely troll the Royal Wedding by KILLING THE MOST WANTED MAN IN THE WORLD, Then we realize we shot him in the eye, THEN we reveal that we also had a SEAL dog. A DOG!!! Even Mother Russia gives us a stoic nod of approval.
This will be a longer Fun Bag simply because we need to address the Bin Laden Reaction.
I wonder if any of our writers has a video addressing this very issue. OH HEY!!! It's our very own Zack Stovall doing the damn thing on the stage.
A four Wheeler, a pistol, and the Stars and Stripes. Eat your heart out Michael Moore.
I mentioned the greatness of Dogs earlier. Most of you know I'm a dog lover, but let's just see what Cats were up to.
Figures
Ok now onto the usual with sports, and people getting injured.
Looks like The SNES Street Fighter game finally made it to Kazakhstan
Icehouse put it best when he said the Enya really made this video, I agree. Also, I love Enya
The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and I absolutely love Horse Races. Did you see those LOZERS in England wearing those funky ass hats. HAHAHAHAHA We'd Never do that in Amer.....Damn
Finally, If you've haven't already done so, I'd suggest reading Matt Uffords eloquent reaction of a veteran. I know we've been waving our flags and have been going all America on everyone's ass. It goes without saying, but the reason we can celebrate, or condone celebrations, or have any public reaction at all is because we have men and women in our military who know the risks, and are the best at what they do. Most of us didn't do any of the work, but we're still damn proud of it.
Now back to the irreverence of GRH, I'll leave you with my favorite meme.
Well, Gus Johnson has officially left CBS sports. Which of course means we won't be seeing any more cold blooded calls during the NCAA tournament.
Who knows why they parted ways, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he didn't appeal to the "older demographic" To which I say SCREW OFF.
The article says he may become the NFL Thursday night guy, but here's to hoping he gets with ESPN and establishes himself as the premier CFB play by play guy and they team him up with Chris Spielman.
Here's a little taste of his football action.
(On a side note please listen to Fouts. Not only does he say Hall should have intercepted the ball, which is of course what every whistle toting coach will tell you is the exact OPPOSITE of what you want to do. But, he also praises Stokely for burning time off the clock and not scoring right away. Not unlike DeSean Jackson, and we all know how he was treated by the media)
But honestly, Imagine Gus in Death Valley, LSU vs. Alabama, surrounded by over 100,000 drunk Cajuns. Now that would be awesome.
Furthermore if you look at...
Brent: Hehehehe, ohhh yeah, Olllllllllllle Lattimer hear SPEAKING HIS MIND on CFB announcing.
But I tell you what Latty, You gotta wonder here if the Ollllllle cold blood killer, Gus, can really handle the prestige of College Football?
And by "darlings" and "you," Icehouse means the NBA Playoffs. This is Icehouse's favorite time of the sports year. Or maybe the return of football is. I guess the difference is that there is a pertinent and important game EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. It's so awesome. Everybody steps up their games. Charles drinks extra hard. Kevin McHale is extra self-depricating. And the ball itself is great. Everybody goes hard and plays to the best of their abilities - which, since this is the NBA, is a really high caliber of play.
Here are a few quick thoughts about the playoffs thus far.
First, for some reason, is the Lakers v. Mavs. The Mavs beat the Blazers to get there, and way more handily than anyone anticipated. The Blazers were playing really well. The Lakers beat the Hornets, ending this season's attempts to give two shits about New Orleans. The Bumblebees put up a fight, but since Chris Paul is only 5'10" and there aren't five of him, they lost.
For this series, Tyson Chandler is single-handedly marginalizing Pau and Bynum while Dirk has finally started playing like he owns a set of testicles. He doesn't know where they are, mind you, but at least he owns them. Also, Kobe Bryant is a gigantic asshole and threw his teammates under the bus after Game 1. In his mind, he's transcended into a different galaxy, where everyone is an asshole, and the only way to be understood is to act like an asshole 24/7. It boggles the mind. Sure, Pau sort of sucked, but remember that is was you who lost the ball to Jason Kidd to effectively lose the game.
Grizz v. Thunder: The Grizz beat the Spurs to a) win a playoff game for the first time and b) win a playoff series for the first time. More impressively, they beat the Spurs playing Spurs ball: grind it out down low with a grounded power forward and play team defense. The Thunder knew we all wanted to see one more game of J.R. Smith, so they let them win one game. They're cool like that.
The Grizz have already accomplished the "split on the road" aspect of playoff hoops. But in game 2, Serge and Perkins COMPLETELY shut down Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol. They shot a combined 5-22. YYYYUCK. The only reason they were even in that game was because of Mike Conley's 24 points. Point is, Z-Bo and Marc have to step it up. Or pray that Russell Westbrook stops passing the ball completely (sort of likely).
Heat v. Celtics: The Heat beat the Philadelphia 76ers, which are a real basketball team. I enjoyed watching the 6ers in the playoffs, but they had no single chance to prevail. Celtics beat the Knicks in some sort of non-rivalry that only exists in the minds of sensationalistic homer beat writers. Also, the Knicks sucked total ass.
As you may see above, the Heat are playing prison rules and going all sorts of H*A*M on the C's. The Celtics deserve it though, as they've been doing this to everybody for three years now. This could be a long series, so I'm excited to see if the Heat win one of the games in Boston. Mostly because it would piss off this guy. Also mostly because when LeBron wasn't laying out Rondo, Dwyane Wade was acting like Ben Stiller from Happy Gilmore. Which is to say, torturingold people.
Bulls v. Hawks: The Hawks beat the Magic by failing to suck as much as they did. Dwight Howard is the balls, but why does everybody else on that team just refuse to play well? The Bulls beat the Pacers because the Bulls have Derrick Rose and the Indiana Pacers have a bunch of white goons.
I like the Hawks and all, but they are more likely to suck than the Magic. And as funky as Jamal Crawford is, I don't want to live in a world where Josh Smith is settling for jump shots in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, Derrick Rose is the MVP and he loves his mother. Fuck you if you don't love this interview (skip to 4:40).
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