OK. Ok. We haven't had a fun bag in some time. It's ok though. We're doing fine. We've just, you know, had better stuff to do than post days-old videos of stuff. The Internet works at lightspeed, people. Posting a weekly recap is like writing an obituary nowadays.
But whatever. It's still fun.
For instance, here's a girl eating it on a bike.
I remember when this happened. Someone posted it on twitter today, which brought me back to the good times of when Stromile Swift was doing this instead of stalking chicks.
Heath Bell grew up watching Angels in the Outfield.
And that's all I got. Except for another JaVale planking picture. God help me, I think they're hilarious.
Chris Paul: So now, children, if you'll follow me, you'll get a great view of the Statue of Liberty. The Statue of Liberty (Liberty Enlightening the World, French: La Liberté éclairant le monde) is a colossal neoclassical sculpture on Liberty Island in New York Harbor, designed by Frédéric Bartholdi and dedicated on October 28, 1886. The statue, a gift to the United States from the people of France, is of a robed female figure representing Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom, who bears a torch and a tabula ansata (a tablet evoking the law) upon which is inscribed the date of the American Declaration of Independence. A broken chain lies at her feet. The statue has become an icon of freedom and of the United States.
When the Statue of Liberty arrived here, President Grover Cleveland, who was the best President in the league, said, "what the fuck, France? I know I wanted something tall, but this useless lump of shit is not gonna get me past Dallas. This big concrete bitch isn't getting us to the finals, FRANCE. We're not even a goddamn playoff country anymore!"
And France was all, "we gotta make due with what we got, we're financially insolvent! We had to be bought out because we can't make ends meet!" At the same time as all this, ALL of Grover Cleveland's friends went to go play in Miami without him. Ain't that some shit? Grover Cleveland's trying to do the right thing by America, but he keeps getting fucked over by the powers that be.
Then a fucking lockout happened, and Grover Cleveland couldn't be President for a whole year. Shit.
Emeka Okafor: So... are we still going to go see Spiderman on Broadway?
I love the 4th so much. I recently interacted with some Brits in the past several weeks. Long story short we got to explaining cultural differences, and the 4th came up. After explaining that we have a holiday celebrating the giant middle finger we gave to their country, I explained that the 4th was Food, Beer, and Explosions.
I live in a pussy firework state that only sells pussy fireworks. To be honest with you it's not even worth shooting the bullshit they sell. So I have to relive my youth through watching youtube videos of people being awesome with fireworks.
The shit storm is to send us awesome firework videos from youtube or something captured on your own.
Every professional baseball game has the ceremonial first pitch. This tradition kind of confused me at first, but when I realized how anticlimatic actual first pitches are, I understood that the ceremonial first pitch is a good substitute for a tip-off, face-off, kick off, or what have you.
So now I like the ceremonial first pitch. Specifically, I like that I know have a relatable benchmark to measure myself against people more famous/important/lucky than me. For instance, I know Ryan Reynolds is a sexy piece of ripped manmeat, but how's his arm? Two-seamer of four-seamer? Shit like that.
Our 43rd President had a baseball pedigree and even in retirement still had the oomph to throw a strike.
Which makes me wish he just caught that one dude's shoe and hummed it back at him. How awesome would that have been? As a comparison, the current President, an admitted White Sox fan, one-hopped his most recent effort.
There have been a string of recent memorable first pitches. Unfortunately for the youngest of the group, John Wall ended up doing his best Mariah Carey impression.
If I was in charge of the black arts of sports superstition, your best player throwing like a girl would be the equivalent of throwing a black cat through a mirror placed under a ladder.
Dirk's motion was pretty hilarious. He got the ball over the plate, but it probably wouldn't have been a strike, even on himself.
I would really like to know who could throw the best ceremonial first pitch. I'd love it if some celeb could sling one in the low 80s. I bet Redford could, back in the day. Furthermore, I think the holy grail would be some actress hucking a knuckleball that the catcher couldn't handle.
Until then, we'll just have to settle for either the embarrassment of local heroes, or shit like this.
Over the weekend, several of the GRH Faithful convened in Alton, Illinois for mild debauchery and much rain dancing. While there, we adopted two young men who were canoeing down the length of the Mighty Mississippi River. Naturally, their tales of adventure was well received by we men of fortune. Going out on the river, living off the land and kindness of strangers and being men under the sun intrigued us greatly.
Then we drank a bunch of jello shots with them and they turned out to be chill guys.
You can follow their exploits here, but this leads the Hobbertariat to a greater query, aptly in time for the MMSS: Of any manly bucket list feat of masculine prowess one could reasonable accomplish, what would you do and why?
For example, Icehouse once rode a bicycle from Houston to Austin for charity. Hear hear, mighty Icehouse! However, if you've already done some great feat of note, understand it must come with a suggestion for something you'd like to do to. We require this as a toll for your braggardness, though we would enjoy hearing the tale.
I want to backpack through Europe. Literally, one backpack with my necessities, phone and credit card only for life-threatening emergencies, a set amount of cash (with an understanding that I may have to work or barter some of my belongings for more currency later), and the boots on my feet. I got a taste of it in high school, traveling from Paris to Rome, through Nice and Florence, but it was well-organized, comfortable, and I was in high school and was therefore retarded. I want to see it as a man.
Hobbers: Manly voyage, undertaking, or whatever. Commence.
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