In Wake of Bruschi's Retirement, Favre Demands Tear-Soaked Remembrances From Former Coaches

MINNESOTA, Minn. -- In response to the heartfelt, emotional statements made by the stoic Bill Belichick regarding the retirement of Patriot's LB Tedy Bruschi, current Minnesota Vikings QB Brett Favre is demanding tear-soaked remembrances of his numerous accomplishments from his numerous retirements.

"I think I deserve a little bit of that," said Favre while rewinding the segment of Belichick's crying on TiVo. "That guy sucked butt. He only played 13 years, he didn't set any records, and so far, he's only bowed out once. Give me a break."

Favre said he has sent letters to former Packers and Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren, with whom Favre won a Super Bowl, Mike McCarthy, the current Green Bay coach and the last to coach him there, as well as Eric Mangini and Rex Ryan, the former and current coach of the New York Jets.

"I'll start with Chubbs. I feel like he's got some pent up emotions from all our days a-winnin' games. Plus, after playing with the bald guy, he's bound to appreciate me more," said Favre.

"Mac and Mangini are a given. If Brett Favre walkin' away from your team doesn't choke you up, you need to find a pair, and walk away from my football," said Favre. "Same goes for Ryan. I'm sure he was pretty devastated when I left New York."

Asked if Mike Sherman, who coached Favre in Green Bay immediately prior to McCarthy, would be included, Favre said Sherman had already cried on the future Hall-of-Famer's shoulder many times before.

"If he wants to get it out in front of everybody, that's fine," said Favre. "He'll have his shot with Childress about March. Or July! Whooooo knows?!" which was then followed with Favre waving his hands mysteriously and banging a gong.

Memphis Grizzlies call Ricky Rubio, breathe heavily, and hang up

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Seeking Barcelona's prized NBA recruit, but not wanting to sound too desperate, the front office of the Memphis Grizzlies called Ricky Rubio of Spain's personal number to initiate a courtship with the young star, but quickly hung up the phone after being unable to stammer out anything intelligible.

"I mean, I just freakin' froze guys!" said a somewhat giddy GM Chris Wallace. "He answered the phone and I completely blanked!"

The Grizzlies management, which has been having draft day meetings and slumber parties since the playoffs began, believe that Rubio might be the answer to all of their collective prayers.

"He looks JUST like Adrian Brody! Sometimes Zac Efron," said head coach Lionel Hollins. "Only he got a silver in the Olympics and averages 3.3 rebotes per match!"

"Our back up plan was Stephen Curry, but he's a total wannabe and will do whatever Ricky does," said Wallace, while listening to Millennium from the Backstreet Boys.

"Hasheem Thabeet was really sweet when he called to tell us that he won't be coming to Memphis to work out for us, due to his sore shoulder. Maybe there's something there if we end up on the rebound," said Hollins, and then giggled to other management heads about the basketball pun.

Wallace said the biggest concern was whether or not he wanted to subject himself to heartache from another spaniard again, citing the infamous break-up for the Grizzlies and Pau Gasol, which ended in a closed door meeting in which Pau said he'd found someone else and Wallace threw a trapper keeper at Gasol's head.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

I try check out The Smoking Gun as much as I can, if nothing else the mugshots are entertaining.

But every once and a while, they strike gold.


Yes the Shamwow asshole got into a brawl with a prostitute because she bit his tongue and would not let go.

Made my weekend.

But I need more.

For the Shit Storm, give us the best athlete scandal/arrest/rumor. And this is a blog, so you can just make stuff up if you want.

My pick:

Mark Chmura.


I just loooooved the fact that Chboom-Chboom's was too good to visit President Clinton in 1997 after the whole Monica thing.

Fast forward to 2000. The same man who was disgusted at Clinton was accused of hosting a post prom party....where he played drinking games...in a hot tub....with a 17 year old...who was the babysitter......OF HIS CHILDREN.

Two things happen when you mix vodka and 17 year old girls.
1. Yack city
2. Passout city.

Luckily for Mark it was #2 and he did what any upstanding man would do, take her into the bathroom and..... well those were just allegations.

Either way, great job Chmura I bet that was the best prom party in Waushuka Catholic Memorial High School history!!!

/jackass