Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A brief history of school/fan rap videos

I think you all know that I'm vehemently anti-school/fan rap videos.

Case in point.

IF you dare to actually watch this what you will see is 12 people absolutely destroying what was once a fine university. To me UGA always seemed like an amazing SEC school to attend and now all I can picture are these tool sheds telling me how awesome it is to walk around campus and study.

No offense to orientation workers, they mean well, they just happen to creep me out. I remember my orientation and the cheeriness was just too much. Perhaps it was because this occured during football camp, where: 1. you hate the world 2. Everything is funny 3. Every member of the opposite sex looks attractive. I think it came to a boiling point on the one night we had to watch these types and videos and shit. (Icehouse may be able to clarify) Anyway I had just shredded my MCL and was in no mood to play the name game or two truths and a lie. All I wanted was a beer. Just one icy, delicious beer.

That happened and an orientation person woke me at midnight to question me on my roomate's whereabouts when I had to wake up at 5:30.

My point is this. I understand you want to do something really cool and fun to get kids excited about COLLEGE!!! and FUN!!! and MAKING LIFELONG FRIENDS!!! all within the university's guidelines, but at some point you need to ask yourself. "Is this really stupid?"

Perhaps I'll write more on this later.

The embarrassing school rap videos don't end at orientation, in fact their inception started with fan rap songs. The first being "College Station Throw Your Hands Up"

Icehouse summarizes this nicely by stating "No rap video should start with people buckling seat belts"

This video is fairly significant because as far as I know this is the first fan rap video that kicked off an despicable genre.

Other fans, motivated by football pump up videos, continued to make school raps and covering mainstream songs to highlight their school's superiority over others. This lead us to perhaps the worse example of a fan rap video. "All the Sooner Fans"

What we have here is a middle aged radio jockey and what I can only assume are his two children performing a Sooner-centric Beyonce song. Two things bother me. First, the kid on the right seems to be way too into the dance moves. Second, the main "diss" in the song is "Oh UT beat us but you didn't make it to the championship because of a technicality"


From what I gather from Texas fans the horns down sign is lame, but I ask the question. How lame is it to have a hand sign to begin with?

Understandably, this genre is primarily centered on football, however, we also see examples in other sports. In a response to Title 9 the Mizzou Volleyball fan club (VolleyZou) decided to make a rap video supporting their favorite club. The Missouri Women's Volleyball Team.

This isn't really an attack on women's sports, but you really have to look at yourself in the mirror when you make a rap video....about volleyball.

Just to highlight the fact that this isn't limited to the Big 12 let's look at a current BCS favorite Oregon.

Here's my issue with Oregon. Everyone always says how great it is and how badass they are. As you can tell this was made before this season, and at that point Oregon has been known for getting curb stomped by Big Ten (11) teams in the Rose Bowl and Dan Fouts. Just keep that in mind.

Of course players also make their own videos, most notably the Super Bowl Shuffle, but let us not forget "Let's Ram it"

Now you may make fun of these, but I typically give the 80's a pass due to the massive amounts of Cocaine. Plus, Jackie Slater and Dickerson are awesome.

Here's a more modern example of a player rap.

That takes us to what a fan rap video should look like.

I had resigned myself to the fact that the best fan rap video would be associated with some type of movie.

Until Eastern Kentucky University came along.

This is how you make a fan rap video. Make it funny, uncensored, and use inside jokes to make fun of your school. I mean not everyone can lay down the line:

(What we got?)

Daniel Boone mother fucker and his shiny ass feet
Upper Powell mother fucker get you something to eat
We got dorms mother fucker, get a sweet ass suite
Eastern, mother fucker, its a fucking treat

The guy throws down the keys and not everyone can use a chubby ginger autotuned in an effective manner.

My point is this. If you ever get the urge to lay down a sweet beat about your favorite school or beat. Don't. It won't turn out as cool as you think, and people like me will make fun of you.

1 comment:

  1. "Shiny ass feet" is the new "million dollar boots."

    Eat it, Lord T and Eloise.