Monday, November 2, 2009

Monday Morning Sh--t Storm

Ok maybe, we should have done this last week, but this Monday is just as good.

The Storm.

If athletes were Halloween candy.

So something along the lines of this.

Peyton Manning/Tom Brady/El Hombre/Lebron James and several other players are Snickers Bar.

Why? Well they are all regarded as the most popular players in their sport, much like the Snickers Bar is wildly popular throughout the world. They have everything you would want at their position. (Peanuts, Caramel, Nougat, Chocolate) When you bite into a snickers bar you know you are tasting greatness, and you watch greatness every game they play. They are the total package. However the main downfall is the over saturation of Snickers/athletes. Snickers are everywhere, and so are these elite athletes. I mean a Snickers is Snickers, and Bron is Bron. In fact outstanding performances are so commonplace that they truly have to reach out of this world greatness in order for most of us to stand up and tip our caps, which is akin to eating an ice cream Snickers.

So there you go. To keep it interesting athletes and candy can be reused and every type of Candy is in play. That means candy corn, candy apples, etc. And no, comparing a white athlete to a zero bar is not funny or original.

And you know what let's just go ahead and include teams if we want to.

Shit Storm begin.


  1. Wilt Chamberlain is a Hershey Bar.

    Classic, cool, understated sexiness, but always overshadowed by a more flashy brand.

    Also, he dropped the century mark in Hershey, PA, so it works on a couple levels.

  2. Landon Donovan is a Pay Day.

    Pay Days are simple. Never wows you over and you kind of forget about how good they are until you have one for the first time in a while. Some people don't like Pay Days, but that's just because they haven't given it a shot.

  3. Ron Artest is a Baby Ruth.

    From New York (like the bar's namesake), a completel juxtaposition of tastes. Is it salty? sweet? crunchy? chewy? The answer is yes, always. Ron is known for his defense, but will pop 3s and can drive and score. Plus, nuts.

  4. Oh, and Landon Donovan being a payday would work, since paydays leave you wholly unsatisfied unless you don't want it to begin with.

    Also, they are unavailable in Europe.

  5. Brett Favre is a Werthers original because he is currently only enjoyed by old people.

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  7. shaq is a whatchamacallit