Jim Thome is Paul Bunyan

In efforts to better understand how best to live, our resident backwoodsman Booker Pogue sat down with the chaw-spitting tater-basher. Below are some of the most interesting tidbits.

"I'll have a natty heavy please."

"You hearda this one? It's like Pearl, if they made it in a bath tub. Found a tooth in a bottle couple weeks ago."

"What do you mean you don't have schlitz on draft?!"

"I don't trust boneless wings. If you can't choke on em and die, I don't see the point in eating em."

"Tell your mom to stop calling me."

"Did you know bald eagle was high in cholesterol?"

"You like this underwear? I killed and skinned this possum myself."

"I used to use boar's blood for all my protein shakes before I discovered biodiesel."

"Sting ray barbs will get the plaque out of your teeth, but you don't want to rub your eyes after using one. I don't know why I did it twice"

"I used to carry my bounty hunter's license in Montana til they banned the use of hatchets. sort of lost its appeal after that.

"Lotta people use crampons when climbing glaciers. Pretty expensive pair of long toenails if you ask me."

Monday Morning S--t Storm

That has nothing to do with this shit storm, I just really like this picture.

No, the storm has more to do with this.


LAWYER UP MOTHER FUCKERS

You may have heard of this Probe brought on by Econ professors to investigate the BCS. I don't think anything will come from it. I do however think it's hilarious. "Hey BCS you suck so hard that Econ nerds now hate you"

But it does bring up a good question. What other suits/probes/ and investigations can we bring against sports organizations, and individuals?

I have one, why are NCAA teams allowed to over-sign players to scholarships? The SEC is notorious for this, and I can see some kid who was on good standing with the team and university bringing up a suit after losing his scholly for a fresh young recruit.

The shit storm is now in session.

I Know I'm Late To This Party, But Some Shindigs Are Too Good To Miss

I know, I know, we're supposed to be covering sports NEWS and not OLDS. And this is maybe a week or more old. But damn. I've got say some things about this. Otherwise, I'm going to start pooping out of my weiner with an overwrought sense of denial.

So here goes...

WWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WAHWAHWAHWHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Oh no! I had to WAIT PATIENTLY before an NFL team had the audacity to pick me! WHAT TREMENDOUS TRAGEDY. But they told him second or third round! LOS BASTARDOS! He had to walk by himself with a baseball bat, and then be walked like a golden retriever around the block by his parents. What heartache. What turmoil. What anstiness.

Not that I don't understand. I've waited on fairly important things before in my life, none of which are as big time as playing in the NFL, and I've been less than patient. It's no man's bag.

But a little perspective would be nice. "Wow, I've had a fairly successful career since getting drafted a little later than I and most every other person drafted would have liked to have been." You know what that is? UNDERFUGGINSTATMENT. Brady's gone on to have one of the best careers of anybody ever. Who cares is a bunch of other teams you've railed COUNTLESS TIMES in your career passed on you? PISS ON THEM WITH YOUR SMOKING HOT WIFE AND SUPER BOWL ACCOLADES IN OPPOSITE HANDS. When I first saw he cried, I thought it would be about the happiness that came from getting picked. NAY. It was "Oh, no, I had to wait a day to get picked. A whole day! I know, I was so P.O.ed too..." Please.

Also, nice jab at the noble and venerable profession of insurance sales. I'm glad that you can afford to purchase your various belongings, STRAIGHT CASH, and have them wrecked or stolen with little to no effect on your vast wealth. Other people need insurance, and need good, solid, hardworking, and trustworthy Americans to sell it to them. Plus, for all of the tears you just shed at the possibility of NOT getting drafted, you'd think you might have the presence of mind to be like "You know, that was ALMOST me, maybe not kick insurance salesmen with my cleat."

Screw this guy, his sassy hair, and his veneers. THEMS FAKE YO.

If you want to make it up to me, let me see your wife without you.

Champion's League Funzone!

SOOOOooooo today begins the second leg of the quarterfinals. Last week, Rooney scored the only goal in Manchester 1-0 Chelsea. Chelsea can advance, they'll just need to score 2 and keep Man U out of their net. This will be quite difficult, however, as they are playing at Old Trafford and have Torres up front who totally sucks these days.

Elsewhere in the universe, Shakhtar Donetsk will continue to act like a lamb being sacrificed in reverence to FC Barcelona. Their pathetic offering will not slake Barca's bloodlust.

So anyway, watch the game today, use the comments as an open thread. WHEEEE.

Monday Morning S--t Storm

In our final segment of Lattimer ran out of ideas writer shit storm we have a submission from Stovall.

I'll keep it simple

Athletes who look like rock stars. No, not the "Albert Pujols looks like a god" type of rockstar, More of the "The catcher from Angels in the Outfield* looks literally like Meatloaf.

My Submission is an oldie but goodie.

Ryan Franklin=James Hetfield.






*Terrible Movie

Commence the storming.

Friday Afternoon Fun Bag!

WWOOOOOOOOooooooo zzzzzz...

HAHA just kidding. Icehouse is ready for this weeekend. BIGTIME. This is actually a pretty sweet time of the year, sports-wise. Baseball is still new and exciting. The Masters is happening, plus the Champions League is now coming down to it. If you missed this past week's game, you missed a lot of blowouts.

But, there were a shitload of wacky goals. Stankovic.

High School Dunk Contest. Ballislife is the shiznit.


The description of this video is "huckfest carnage." Fuck yeah it is.


WHHHOOOOAAAAAAAAAA EJECT.


Snooki's finishing move was awesome. Sorry for the shit-tastic video, but it's worth watching.


Sabonis made the hall of fame this year. ARVYDAS SABONIS. So, Icehouse presents this clip of Sabonis highlights, set to "November Rain."


Chilean insanity bike race.

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

I think that's everything. Have fun out there. I'm going to go watch Vinny Del Negro (Please) make out with Blake Griffin.