Today is Valentines Day, or at least I assume it is. I've noticed an increasing number of hearts, Teddy Bear commercials, and an overall pinkish hue surrounding me.
There are some people who literally hate this day, generally speaking they are either wise asses or hate it just to act cool and different. Almost like the hipsters of holidays.
For instance I had one professor in college who taught a whole lesson on the evils of Valentines day. Naturally, he was a sad lonely person who left the college on uncertain terms which may or may not have involved a drug ring.
I'm somewhat indifferent, but February is such a shitty month that it's probably not a BAD idea to place a big heart on the Calendar. Plus, in grade/middle school Valentines day always meant we didn't have to do anything.
In fact, it's one of those things that we should transfer over into the adult world. Imagine having a day where you get arbitrary cards from friends. You could even do the whole carnation sale thing and if your like me you could buy or "acquire" a load of red ones to send anonymously to friends . "Hmmm, you got a red one, that means true love. You know, I saw Bob from accounting buying a red one the other day.....weird"
But the best part of Valentines day is the actual giving of Valentines. Back in grade school I always wanted the "cool" cards. One year I had NBA cards, another year I got Shaq cards that said things like "you shatter me" with a picture of Shaq destroying a backboard. Although, I don't think I can top 3rd grade where I begged my mom to get me WWF valentines. It was so great because they had guys like Macho Man, saying "Happy Valentines OOOOOOOOO YEAHHHHHHH" Although I have to admit, I kept all of the Ultimate Warrior ones. I loved the The Warrior at the time, and if I can be honest, The Warrior's messages were kind of creepy.
In high school it was customary to make a freshman give a valentines/ devote their undying love to THE HOTTEST MOST POPULAR GIRL IN THE SCHOOL. As a socially awkward 9th grader this was terrifying, but as a 12th grader when we ROOLED THE SCHOOL it was hilarious.
I don't know why we don't do this in the adult world? Imagine if you will your place of employment. "Hey FNG, go give a homemade valentines card to Betty in HR....I don't care if her boyfriend is on steroids...Do it now, or I'll tell the boss you skip out 30 minutes early on Friday"
So or the shit storm, we're going to send Valentines to professional athletes...actually send one to anyone. Doesn't matter. Everyone needs our love.
Here's mine I made for Albert Pujols.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US I CAN'T HANDLE IT, YOU KNOW YOU LOVE US I SWEAR TO GOD I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT HAPPENS I JUST WANT YOU ON OUR TEAM. I WAS GOING TO BUY A FATHEAD OF YOU. MOZ, PAY HIM WHAT HE WANTS!!!
Albert, I wish I knew how to quit you.
Shit Storm initiate