Icehouse hasn't been around too much. I apologize for this. I've been a little swamped with some stuff, like riding my fucking bike from Houston to Austin.
Anyway.
Here's some pictures to fill in some space here.
The Foo Fighters support the Grizzlies.
Fans just can't let Tony forget about Eva.
A little old school, but it bears reminding that Jason Williams wore this shirt to the White House.
Lamar Odom pops bottles.
And finally, Chris Kaman put a suppressor on his .22.
The NFL draft is right around the corner, which explains the increased visibility of Mel Kiper and Todd McShay (again refer to the Todd theory)
Personally I hate the fact that they now have the first rounds on Thursday and Friday. Since the age of 12 I've been used to wasting an entire weekend staring at the TV staring at names coming across the ticker. The draft actually comes at a perfect time in the year, it's like "Ok spring is here but I need one more weekend to do absolutely nothing, THEN I'll go outside and do stuff." Honestly, the laziest weekend I had was in college. My roommate and I watched the entire draft, leaving only to buy booze, feasting on leftover wings from a sorority car wash. If that's not being worthless to the world I don't know what is. Basically, the draft is awesome and people who bitch about the draft and the combine, are (1) Idiots (2) Not real football fans. That's right I said it. If you do not throw a weekend of your life away just to see who gets taken in the 3rd round YOU ARE AH NAWT A TRUE FAN OF THE GAME!!!
Point is, drafts are awesome. KSK really cornered the market with their Friday mock drafts, so I'm stealing their schtick, but today's shit storm will deal with drafts.
If you could participate in any draft in the world (real or fake) what would you choose?
My choice comes from an old high school debate, and something I've wanted to do for many years.
That's right, a draft to assemble a hooters franchise.
Our idea was to hold combines, interviews, and eventually a draft, to form our own hooters franchise. obviously the looks are important, but we also wanted to hold Hula Hoop tests (40 time) examine film on how waitresses could flirt with creepy old guys (film) and hold interviews that included what degree they were pursuing. (wonderlic)
In lunch we even had a full list of tests and rules, and may or may not have concocted a plan to open a fruit stand at the local farmers market called "Melons" using high school girls as employees.
So that was our carefully crafted business plan idea, let's hear your drafting fantasies.
In efforts to better understand how best to live, our resident backwoodsman Booker Pogue sat down with the chaw-spitting tater-basher. Below are some of the most interesting tidbits.
"I'll have a natty heavy please."
"You hearda this one? It's like Pearl, if they made it in a bath tub. Found a tooth in a bottle couple weeks ago."
"What do you mean you don't have schlitz on draft?!"
"I don't trust boneless wings. If you can't choke on em and die, I don't see the point in eating em."
"Tell your mom to stop calling me."
"Did you know bald eagle was high in cholesterol?"
"You like this underwear? I killed and skinned this possum myself."
"I used to use boar's blood for all my protein shakes before I discovered biodiesel."
"Sting ray barbs will get the plaque out of your teeth, but you don't want to rub your eyes after using one. I don't know why I did it twice"
"I used to carry my bounty hunter's license in Montana til they banned the use of hatchets. sort of lost its appeal after that.
"Lotta people use crampons when climbing glaciers. Pretty expensive pair of long toenails if you ask me."
But it does bring up a good question. What other suits/probes/ and investigations can we bring against sports organizations, and individuals?
I have one, why are NCAA teams allowed to over-sign players to scholarships? The SEC is notorious for this, and I can see some kid who was on good standing with the team and university bringing up a suit after losing his scholly for a fresh young recruit.
I know, I know, we're supposed to be covering sports NEWS and not OLDS. And this is maybe a week or more old. But damn. I've got say some things about this. Otherwise, I'm going to start pooping out of my weiner with an overwrought sense of denial.
Oh no! I had to WAIT PATIENTLY before an NFL team had the audacity to pick me! WHAT TREMENDOUS TRAGEDY. But they told him second or third round! LOS BASTARDOS! He had to walk by himself with a baseball bat, and then be walked like a golden retriever around the block by his parents. What heartache. What turmoil. What anstiness.
Not that I don't understand. I've waited on fairly important things before in my life, none of which are as big time as playing in the NFL, and I've been less than patient. It's no man's bag.
But a little perspective would be nice. "Wow, I've had a fairly successful career since getting drafted a little later than I and most every other person drafted would have liked to have been." You know what that is? UNDERFUGGINSTATMENT. Brady's gone on to have one of the best careers of anybody ever. Who cares is a bunch of other teams you've railed COUNTLESS TIMES in your career passed on you? PISS ON THEM WITH YOUR SMOKING HOT WIFE AND SUPER BOWL ACCOLADES IN OPPOSITE HANDS. When I first saw he cried, I thought it would be about the happiness that came from getting picked. NAY. It was "Oh, no, I had to wait a day to get picked. A whole day! I know, I was so P.O.ed too..." Please.
Also, nice jab at the noble and venerable profession of insurance sales. I'm glad that you can afford to purchase your various belongings, STRAIGHT CASH, and have them wrecked or stolen with little to no effect on your vast wealth. Other people need insurance, and need good, solid, hardworking, and trustworthy Americans to sell it to them. Plus, for all of the tears you just shed at the possibility of NOT getting drafted, you'd think you might have the presence of mind to be like "You know, that was ALMOST me, maybe not kick insurance salesmen with my cleat."
Screw this guy, his sassy hair, and his veneers. THEMS FAKE YO.
If you want to make it up to me, let me see your wife without you.
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