Favre 'em if they can't take a joke.

Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.

It's about to get dirty.

What's it going to be? Well, some sort of sex scandal, with cell phones involved, by the looks of it. This is good on so many levels.

First of all, Brett Favre has become one of the more hated personalities in sports, purely due to his behavior over the past two offseasons. Unfortunately, only the football-inclined Americans cared. Other folks, like Peter King readers and the women of Oprah nation, for instance, still see him as a clean-cut loving husband who plays football with his buddies in rural America.

Whatever this is, no matter how outlandish, will sully at least that. I'm not saying this will be something on par with Tiger Woods (get it), but it'll at least be worth it seeing the looks on peoples faces when they ask me what I think about the whole ordeal.

But in reality, I see two positives coming out of this awful, hopefully stomach-wrenching situation.

FIRST AND FOREMOST! Forget about the Favrellatio that happened the last two years. Favre isn't going to be having people over to his house to kiss his ass. Fewer teams already are sick of his will he/won't he bullshit. This is going to take many of his bargaining chips off the table.

SECONDLY! Way to actually show some gumption, tricks. That's right, I'm talking to the hos, the skanks, the tricks, the scallawags, the sluts, the gold-diggers, and the rest of them. I'm sick of how you've been going after athletes. So far, it's been one of two paths: Either the richest black guy with the most sponsorship coin (Jordan, Kobe, Tiger); or the grossest or sleaziest dude you can throw yourselves at.

Nobody had any illusion that Rick Pitino's greasy ass will fuck around. Big Ben is ugly enough to where he probably had to take it by force when he wasn't rich and famous.

But Brett Favre? I salute you, mystery accuser. You're probably lying and just a tramp that wants money and fame, but I'm glad that you at least bucked the trend and are going after the top dog.

UPDATE! Her name is Jenn Sterger, and Brett Favre sent her pictures of his penis as a member of the Jets. In 2008. Not QUITE as awful and demeaning, but. You know how these things go. The first allegation is just the smallest one. Just a foot in the door, opening up the man's image for all the crazies to come out of the woodwork. Chop chop, bitches!

Breaking: Kevin Durant Leads League in Scoring

With 31 points in the Thunder's superfluous win over the Grizzlies, Kevin Durant locked up this year's scoring title.

Greg Oden, on the other hand, ended the season tied for first with Dorrell Wright in number of penises that ended up on the Internet. Both useless sacks of shit had one penis each show up on the Internet for the 2009-2010 season.

I would like to take this opportunity to once again thank the Blazers for jerking off yet another #1 draft pick. I wish them the best, but thoughts of what might have been only serve to infuriate.

Oh, and see you next year Toronto Raptors.

More playoff previews and coverage coming soon.

NFL: The Year of the Dong

At least I didn't have to live through this.

Well, it's a fitting time to put this out there anyways, what with how homoerotic this site has been this week. I mean, an open thread about soccer being gay, a gay pose caption contest, AND an article about the SEC? I think we all can agree that the writers here need to put down the Cosmos (magazine) and the cosmos (drink) and get back to the manliness that this site was founded on.

Just kidding, I'm going to talk about penises.

If you're like me, you've noticed a few more NFL penises have been making their way into the public eye this year. Not like we've been looking for them or anything...
Let me start over.

The internet and television has found three NFL players' penises this year. Some were put there on purpose (Santonio Holmes), some were accidental (Visanthe Shiancoe), and some were borderline anonymous (Chris Cooley). They were all male sex organs, though.

What's up with this? Well, there's an element of stupidity in all three. Santonio took a picture of himself full frontal nude, and put it on the internet. Chris Cooley took a picture of a painting he had just done, and didn't notice that there were elements of himself in the picture, and Fox was stupid enough to go into a room, the sole purpose of which is for men to change clothes, with live cameras rolling.

It started out funny enough, I mean Cooley just wanted to give everybody a picture of his new painting. But it's getting ridiculous. This is worse than that Abu Ghraib shit, when you couldn't turn on the TV or look at a newspaper without seeing an ugly chick standing next to a pile of naked dudes. Shit was gross.

The internet is bound to be the place where everything captured on a camera phone is going to go first, but let's be sensible, please? If you're going to put naked pictures of yourself on the web, have the decency to make people pay for them. If you don't want naked pictures of yourself on the web, don't take them yourself. Fox, show some goddamn sense.