CFB Preview

#2 Texas

Offense: They return basically everybody besides Quan Cosby. Namely Jordan "Van Wilder" Shipley, every running back, pretty much the whole line, and a certain mouth-breathing hillbilly Heisman candidate.

Defense: They lost Orakpo to the League, but bring back College's best drunk driver (I can't wait for jokes like, 'Sergio Kindle ran through those blockers like he does through living room walls'). Texas also brings back the whole defensive backfield, led by the pride of Orange, Deon Beasley.

Special Teams: Ryan Bailey is in fact involved in a Kicker Kontroversy over who will start. With another senior. Get. A. Fucking. Life.

Texas had a legit argument to be in the Championship game last year. However, Texas Tech being the douchebags they are, instead of putting up a fight in Norman, they buried their own faces in shit and let the Sooners stomp them in the nuts all the way to Florida. Whatever, I always enjoy seeing the Horns beat tOSU, especially since it involved a Quan swan song.

The question marks last year pretty much all revolved around the defensive backfield (would've beaten Tech if it wasn't for some late miscues) and the offensive line. They were both filled with underclass superheroes that were prone to the mistakes of youth. They're a year wiser, and a year more athletic. Unfortunately, ALL FOUR TIGHT ENDS have been injured. ALL FOUR. For real? How do you kill an entire position? That's less of a question mark and more of a missing chapter in the playbook. In regards to losing Orakpo, I'm all sorts of jacked to see freshman Alex Okafor get some reps. Dude is a tad weak (because he's 18), but he's got the body type of a Julius Peppers. Texas doesn't rebuild, we reload.

The Horns know the grind of the season. It's the same shit as it always is. Run through some cake like Wyoming, UTEP, and [insert Louisiana college not named LSU]. Then they enter the gauntlet that is the Big XII South. The big games are the same as always. OSU, TT, OU, and the Thanksgiving brother's war.

Analysis is thus: Texas is preseason ranked #2. Anything less than a championship game appearance is below par. Tebow and Florida have the hardware already, and Colt and the Horns need to hit that blue and orange target, or the season is a failure. Thems the breaks.

CFB Midterm

Everything is bigger in Texas, even blog pictures.

I have No idea whatsoever if this week is the "middle" of the CFB season, but I had two midterms this week, so I was like "what the hell lets have a CFB midterm."

Your BCS Standings.
1. TEXAS
2. Alabama
3. PSU
4. OU
5. USC
6. T. Boone Pickens
7. UGA
8. TT
9. Tosu
10. Tim Tebow

Let's just break this down by conference:
BIG XII Let me get this straight, three undefeated teams, all in the south, and they are UT, TT, and TBP. Well I somewhat hinted at two of these teams. All self promotion aside this is great for anyone who is not a fan of one of these teams, because it sets up a Big XII south gauntlet for the next couple weeks. Texas plays TBP this weekend and then must travel to Lubbock a week later to take on the Red Raiders. TBP simply does not impress me that much, however they are still a solid team and Robinson is throwing darts. TT I want to believe, I really do, but then I look at your schedule and there is no way you make it out without a loss. Oh and there is also this team called OU who could piss everyone off, if Texas has some type of collapse, but that won't happen. There is also a Northern division. KU vs. MU. That's really all you need to know.

SEC SEC SEC SEC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shut up. Just shut up. I hate that stupid chant. Way to beat Miami Tim Tebow, that, without a doubt, is surely the exemplar of games to show your dominance over the country.
Dear Auburn, not only did I tell you this would happen, but you are also on temporary Arkansas status, meaning that you are forbidden from cheering for the "SEC." Why? Well if you lose to a bunch of low life cousin lovers who won't win the Big East then you're SEC elitism status is removed.
So the SEC is back to it's old tricks. Undefeated leader. Several solid one loss teams. Alcohol. Corn Dogs. Seriously though, Bama looks solid and a half. Saban has constructed a team reminiscent of his LSU championship team. They can run the rock, and they can stuff the rock. You also have UGA, Tim Tebow, and LSU in the mix. How will it shake out? I have no clue, it's the SEC they do shit differently down there. Probably Bama and Tim Tebow in the final.

Big Ten (11)
Hey PSU is back!! Unfortunately, Tosu is also in the top ten. They play this weekend for an outright cross face crippler on the rest of the conference. PSU hasn't won in the Horseshoe since 1978. A Tosu team who's only loss is to another top ten team. Scary as shit.

Pac-10
Sucks. USC.
Big East
...

ACC
The ACC is crazy like the SEC, but for different reasons. ACC teams suck so bad that their shittiness has a created a complete cluster F at the top of both divisions. VT was the most consistent until last week, after throwing a brick at some UVA kid I thought about the conference championship and ... Why am I talking about the ACC? Prediction?
Flexboning=BCS
(No I didn't throw a brick at some UVA kid, but it would have been a lot cooler if I did)

Other conferences who play football
I've been on the Boise bandwagon since Zabransky's freshman year, and I can't imagine a team called the "Utes" being in a significant college football game.

The best thing about this year is all the doomsday scenarios that come up. There are so many that completely throw a wrench into the whole BCS system. Think about Alabama or Texas losing late? An undefeated big ten team getting in over a one loss SEC team. The ultimate is USC vs. Tosu, but that wont happen, it's just scary to think about.