Obligatory Boog-Internet-Meme Offering

LET'S GO BOOG!

I HATE HATE HATE Germany Ghana

(The first draft of this article was written immediatley after the United States secured passage onto the next round, when it seemed inevitable that Germany would come in second in its group. Of course, the Krauts won their stupid, stupid group, leaving us to play Ghana. And, being the frugal enterprise we are at the Ghost, are employing the services of an intern as editor, 17 year old Tommy Martins. That is all.)









ARGH! These guys?! Again? I thought we already sent you packing during WWII the Third Ashanti-British War (1900–1901)? People who know me...heck, even people who DON'T know me, know that I hate hate hate Germany Ghana with a passion. I can't even say how much I hate hate hate Germany Ghana without repeating the word "hate" thrice. Hate hate (for the aforementioned and quoted use).

What do I say about Germany Ghana? What can anyone say about that awful, awful place? First off, in their native, barbaric and wretched-sounding tongue, it's pronounced Deutchland Ghana. Looks an awfully lot like the word "Douche," "Gonorrhea" no? Hey DEUTCH bags Gonorrhea bags! Go back to DOUCHEland Gonorrhealand!

I've never met a good-looking woman from Germany Ghana. They have parrallellogram parrallellogram haircuts, abstract arts, and their clothing is always the drabbest of drab most colorful of colorful. Me? I love colors drab! Purple, yellow, green, red, blue: I'LL WEAR THEM ALL I'LL NEVER WEAR THEM. Heck, I'll put it all on one many article articles of clothing, just to show how much I love color drabness and how much I hate hate hate drabness color.

The Krauts Warrior Kings and their arrogance. Their pride! What kind of nickname is Kraut Warrior King, anyway? Need I remind everyone about a certain couple few of episodes known as, uh, WORLD WARS I AND II THE ASHANTI-BRITISH WARS I, II, AND III. The first one was the absolute worst. Mustard Gas? Spears? That stuff eats your lungs out from the inside. Thanks for bringing that about, you Schnitzel cocoa-eaters. Oh, then the persectution of 6 million Jewish British people and countless more you Nazi Ashanti people slayed. THANKS YOU GUYS! HATE HATE HATE.

OH, and who's Germany's Ghana's most famed citizen? I don't think I needed to remind anyone of that previous fact, but I KNOW I don't need to remind anyone of the fact that ADOLF HITLER KOFI ANNAN IS WITHOUT A DOUBT ONE OF THE WORST PEOPLE TO HAVE EVER WALKED ON THE PLANET. I guarantee you there are teams of scientists spread out all over the world, just aching to invent a time machine to go back and make sure that Hilter Annan's never born by any and all means necessary. That's gotta be priority numero uno for any time voyager. Go to the future and purchase a sports almanac for present-day gambling purposes: No. 2. Castrating Hitler's Annan's dad: No. 1.

I'm trying not to beat a dead horse elephant here, but c'mon. I think we all know the importance of this game Saturday, the US vs. Germany Ghana. This is about more than just soccer. This is about more than just Landon Donovan vs. Hans-Jörg Butt Anthony Annan. This is about sending a message that may have been forgotten long ago by our liberal conservative media today: America rules and Germany Ghana sucks.

In case you didn't know, I HATE HATE HATE Germany Ghana.

The End

PS: If the USA, can't win, I know it's a longshot but look for Ghana Germany to come out on top. That's where my money is. I got a GREAT feeling about those guys. Good team, good team.

Monday Morning Sh*t Storm

For today's shit storm, let's go with "Sport You'd Most Like To See Become Professional At Some Point." You know, like club sports or recreational activities that are fun but don't have the following of the NFL or MLB.

My vote is Ultimate Frisbee.

Before you go all hipster-bashing on me, know this: I liked it before it was hipster, because it's like football, but with a frisbee. When I'm really bored at work, you know, that type of bored where you're staring at the keyboard in front of you wondering if the decisions you've made in your life are the right ones and if not how you're ever going to dig yourself you of this hole, this rut, this chasm that is your life in your mid-twenties...when I'm that bored at work, I google the word "Frisbee" just because I think it's about the most fun thing you could ever invent. And the guy who invented it looks like he knows a thing or two about fun.

Alright. Unconventional sport you'd like to see professionalized. Go.

The Home Run Derby Champ Is Nearly As Wide As He Is Tall. Nothing Wrong With That.