CFB top 10 preview

In the coming weeks I will attempt to offer my analysis of the CFB top 10. These rankings come from a random top 10 list I saw on the internet, so please save me the Regional/Conference bullshit. Thank you

...First up #10 Clemson

Gut reaction- The ACC is so bad this actually makes some sense

Offense-Clemson's spread offense returns the two headed monster at running back of James Davis and C.J spiller with SR Cullen Harper at the wheel. SR's Aaron Kelly and Tyler Grisham return at wideout while the offensive line will need to break in three new starters(two of which are underclassmen)

Defense-The tigers return their entire defensive backfield and three d-linemen where uber-recruit Da'Quan Bowers (DE) will most likely contribute. At linebacker Cortney Vincent (MLB) is the only returning starter.

Special Teams-Mark Buchholz K and Jimmy Manners P are probably standing around drinking Gatorade right now.

Schedule-The big test for Clemson comes in their opener (Aug 30) where they will square of against Alabama in Atlanta which will serve as a litmus test for both teams. The other big tests will be against Wake Forest (Oct. 9) the media hyped Bowden Bowl (Nov. 8th) and of course on Nov. 29 when the SC Spurriers come to town. All are in Death Valley.

Ramblings- Here's the thing. A scary thing to someone who isn't too fond of Clemson. On paper, Clemson is a legitimate National title contender. One could make a very strong argument that Clemson will be undefeated heading into the ACC championship game and if the stars align properly, could sneak into the BCS championship game. Everyone knows the ACC is reloading/weak and Clemson doesn't even play Virgina Tech or Miami from the Coastal division. (Beamer is Tommy Bowden's Kryptonite and given the talent they have I'll still argue Miami can beat any team in the nation on any given day)

The offense will be adequate and most likely improve on last year's performance with the growth of Harper. Both James Davis and Spiller have rockets up their asses and are home run threats on every play. However, even with the offensive strengths I feel the defense will be even better. With the addition of Bowers their D-line, is a SEC line in a weak weak conference. The return of the entire defensive backfield doesn't hurt either.

In review, the key for the Tigers will be...DON'T CHOKE. It seems every year Clemson is always a top 25 team with BCS hopes, however every year they suck it up at the worst possible time. Lets use last year as a quick example. Nov. 17th BC roles into town, all the tigers have to do is beat the whitest QB to ever exist in the big bad Death Valley and they go to the ACC championship game to redeem their 41-23 beatdown they received from Tech . What happened Suckfest thats what happened. Even after Tommy found a way to beat Bowden the elder, he somehow found a way to F it up. If you look at Clemson's schedule, on paper, they are undefeated but I'd be willing to bet there will be one or two fuck ups along the way. It could come in the form of an opening loss to Alabama (Which would ultimately have every fighting elephant lover rambling about National Championships and Bear Bryant....Tommy please don't let this happen Love, The Nation) or the Tigers could easily get flexboned by Johnson and the rambling wreck, even Spurrier's Cocks could give them fits. Either way, as an objective observer its going to happen...sometime...somewhere. In short, look out for Clemson, because again...on paper...Clemson looks solid.

Matt Jones Busted for Booger Sugar

Well no wonder this kid was so fast. Matt Jones, formerly of the Arkansas Razorbacks and soon-to-be-formerly of the Jacksonville Jaguars, was busted around 12:45am on Thursday, July 10 behind a bar in Fayetteville chopping up what was admittedly cocaine with his credit card. Jones was apparently baffled that the blow wouldn’t take credit or debit.

Jones is best known for being the all-time leading rusher among quarterbacks in the SEC and for his screw-this-I’d-rather-play-Halo attitude during his days at Arkansas. Blessed with a mediocre arm but incredible Caucasian dexterity and speed, Jones was taken 21st in the 2005 draft as one of the first true ATH’s, and made into a receiver. But this prodigal son of Northwest Arkansas is, by most accounts, screwed at this point.

During his tenure at Jacksonville, Jones reportedly keeps locking horns with Coach and all-around-BAMF Jack Del Rio. Jones’ attitude, marked by some as “cool-under-pressure” but by others as “lazy,” frustrated coaches and fans alike. Usually, in high school or college, Jones would just bust a 90-yard run for touchdown to shut everyone up, or he could just beat Houston Nutt into the ground. Unfortunately for young Matthew, Jack Del Rio both doesn’t care for his Sean-Penn-in-Fast-Times-at-Ridgemont-High demeanor and could devour Jones in one to two sittings. The Jags have drafted other receivers and brought in two former first-rounders Jerry Porter and Troy Williamson as well, clearly leaving the beginnings of a trail of breadcrumbs (or crack rocks) for Jones to follow to the door. Luckily for them, now they don’t have to pay the kid to release him.

According to my sources on the Hill, Jones and two other former players who aren’t and never were important enough to reference were caught white-handed behind a bar on Dickson Street in Fayetteville. Dickson is a popular hang out and bar-sight where cops who need a break can go to easily bust underage kids and public intoxicants. This makes the bust on Jones even sweeter; not only was he a tremendous waste of God-given talent, but he is also as dumb as a burlap bag filled with mayonnaise. Everyone knew cops are littered in that area, but Jones and his merry idiots were chopping powder in what boils down to a high-school hangout. Think about how quickly the cops would have shown up to The Max if Screech and Tyrone Biggums rolled in six grams of the snow. That’s how stupid Matt Jones is.

Being a professional-caliber athlete usually takes a lifetime of dedication and the work ethic of a Budweiser Clydesdale, but Jones made due with God-given abilities, and by “made due,” I mean “made millions.” It sucks because I loved watching the guy give teams fits (he really is a freakish physical specimen…definitely the whitest guy to ever run a 4.32) because his speed was so deceptive due to his long stride. But that was pre-booger sugar. It really is too bad he had to go down like this; another product of South Florida devouring some country bumpkin’s soul. I guess Jerry Jones will give him a spot on the Cowboys, though. Maybe there’s a Dallas-silver-lining in all of this.

McWuncler's All-Americans: Brandon Jennings

To kick off this new monthly installment, we choose Brandon Jennings in honor of his challenging of convention, sticking it to the man, and overt commission to the cause of paper-stacking.
How does one 18-year-old do such a thing? Well, he goes from high school to the pros, of course. The latest Oak Hill Academy (VA) and University of Arizona signee says he is entertaining the prospect of going overseas to play next year instead of Arizona.
This is extremely interesting, as Jennings would be the first American to do this. Currently, the NBA has a very silly rule about players needing to be one year removed from their high school’s graduating class to be eligible for the NBA draft. This move, David Stern thought, would make American players go to college, and cease the influx of high schoolers making the jump to the league.
I have several issues with this rule. To begin with, why is it necessary? There are for sure a few players who will fall through the cracks and never amount to anything except for a flash-in-the-pan pipe dream, but since when do we actually care? Furthermore, it’s not like the NCAA needs help, college basketball is just as popular as it always was, and always will be. They continue to make money hand over fist, and the NCAA Tournament continues to be one of the most watched events in America every year (despite the god-awful broadcasting of CBS). As far as the NBA is concerned, high school kids making the jump weren’t exactly hurting their product either. The three most marketable NBA athletes are Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Kevin Garnett. If you forgot, not a one of these guys took a single class of college. That is to say nothing of Dwight Howard, Monta Ellis, Tyson Chandler, Tracy McGrady, etc.
As far as the college game is concerned, the college option has always existed to serve as a training ground for kids to hone their games, and if the NBA becomes not a realistic option, then a chance to earn a degree and better one’s social status by that avenue. The one-and-done rule creates an environment where schools compete with lucrative options, all the while ignoring the essence of what college hoops used to be about. O.J. Mayo snubbed traditional schools like UNC and Duke, because he wanted to go play ball in Hollywood. The more fun the school, the more apt they are to attain a high class recruit that will only be playing in college for one year. Think about it: Kevin Durant, Texas; Greg Oden, Ohio State; Derrick Rose, Memphis; Kevin Love, UCLA; Michael Beasley, Kansas State; the aforementioned Mayo, USC. All party schools, and with the exception of UCLA, all schools that don’t have the established basketball traditions of the UNCs, Dukes, and Kansases of the world.
So Brandon Jennings, visionary, enlightened, international man of mystery, has figured out a way to prove that the rule is not only unnecessary and possibly hurtful, but also pointless, since there is a clear path around it. Granted, Jennings has established a few qualifiers in a coach who can work with him, a fellow American on the team, etc., but the mere thought of balling overseas instead of wasting a year is pretty outstanding. Just because he’s thinking about it this year means that if he doesn’t go out of the country, soon someone will.

Scot Pollard: NBA Champion

Seriously?

As happy as Boston-area weed dealers and hairdressers are that they now get to hang around with a vaunted pillar of the basketball society, I think it's time to address the fact that it is more than an injustice for this guy to get to say that he is a World Champion.

That, and, I really don't have a whole lot to say about the latter half of the playoffs.

The Kobes played great against the Spurs, and were given a game due to Joey Crawford's long-standing hatred of the team. I'm really not sure how Joey Crawford is still allowed to be a ref for Spurs game, but it's ridiculous that he is. I echoed Brent "Bones" Barry's sarcasm after the NBA admitted he was fouled by Derek Fisher at the end of the game in question when he said, "Oh really? Awesome! Because Doc Brown's waiting outside, we're gonna hop in the Delorean, fire up the Flux Capacitor, go back in time, and shoot some free throws!" Apologizing is well and good, especially when a mistake is made, but let's try to prevent such things from happening. Namely, don't let Joey Crawford in the time zone where the Spurs are playing.

The Celtics took it to the Pistons. I was pretty disappointed at the level of play from the Motowns. I just simply expected more. I mean, the Hawks take the C's to seven, with Joe Johnson and Josh Smith making everybody look stupid, then the Cavs take them to seven, with LeBron doing some amazing work, especially in that deciding game, and then the Pistons get blown out? What's going on?

Finally, it seems that the Celtics got their acts together in the finals. Ray Allen made a jump shot, P-double played great, Garnett was brilliant at times, but always made up for his non-brilliance by committing himself to intangibles.

Also, Kobe was outmatched. He may be the best player alive, but he can't beat the best defensive team, with the best defensive player, by himself. As great as that (un)supporting cast played against the Spurs, they were horrendous in the Finals. What's more, is that Kobe's true leadership colors showed through. If you rewatch these games for any reason (you would have to have them on tape, because they all sucked, and won't be on ESPNClassic or NBA Hardwood Classics anytime soon), a main thing to notice is the difference in camaraderie between the two teams. Every timeout, the Celtics are in the huddle, doing something homoerotic (ass-slapping, hugging, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears). Every time the Lakers got together, which they rarely did, there were nothing but scowls and shouting. Even Jordan Farmar was barking at his teammates at one point in time. The team needed Kobe, not to score points and be great, but to rally them. It would have been a great confidence boost to lousy-shooting-Lamar and Pau-erless to have the best player in the world tell them to keep their heads up and to keep trying. But he didn't. He was too worried about PR stunts like kissing his daughters in the tunnel on the way to the locker room during halftime. Furthermore, 100% of Celtics players that ended up on the floor were helped to their feet by teammates. Nearly none of the Lakers were afforded the same courtesy.

Regardless, this was quite the anti-climatic season. The regular season was unbelievable, but then the best playoff game was first round, Game 1, Spurs-Suns. There were a couple of good Magic-Pistons games, and Game 7 of Celtics-Cavaliers was an entertaining shoot-out, but they pretty much paled in comparison to that first game. And then it ended with those two teams, which gave us really nothing to watch. Thanks for nothing.

The draft is coming up today, and if need be, I might post a little freestyle by a guy named Shaq.

The NBA: Where tasting asses happens.

speaking of jesus...

....here is the greatest song ever. -MWMF

Jesus finally wins

I'm not that big fan of the NBA. No team ever showed up in STL and I root for the Griz like the cleveland fans root for the indians in Major League. With that being said, i'm happy for Ray Allen, he always seemed like a cool guy and somebody I would love to have on the mythical St. louis supersonics (a whole other post) anyway congrats jesus you somehow found a way to make a basketball movie better than hoosiers.