[Click to set mood]
Good evening. Tonight's enterlightenment comes from a young man in North Carolina with the wit of Wilde and boner of Emily Dickinson. I'm sorry, I should have said the "libido of Emily Dickinson."
What's that? She was a shut in?
Well she probably... you know... hey, YOU'RE GROSS. Get your mind out of the gutter, this is an Art Gallery for pete's sake!
Sorry to lose my cool there, everyone. May I improve the mood with some wine and cheese?
[Icehouse snaps fingers]
[Lattimer produces box of Franzia and can of EZ Cheez]
Moving on. The prose of this young man is magnificent. It is like looking into the brain of Hawthorne and thinking to yourself, "shit yeah sew that letter on my clothes, this is some straight naughtysauce."
Which of course is how Hawthorne really spoke. Don't believe me? Fine, Bing that shit, see if I care.
Anyway, allow me to quote from the latest to join our pantheon of artists. Open your brain to the words of young CJ Leslie, forward for North Carolina State.
"She Finally Came"
she was hesitant...Splendid. Magnificent. Beautiful. These lyrics are breathtaking. Note the use of colloquialisms, the alternation in capitalization practices. The references to modern technology in a pursuit as primal as a hobo caveman fighting a sabre-toothed tiger for the rights to chill in a cave.
about the lack of time we spent.
she said, "i barely know you,
and
i'm kinda sick."
i said "calm down
... only as friends."
i waited it out,
and tried it again.
this time only to find out
that we had work til 10!
DAYUM
where did I go wrong?
just tryna find a beneficial friend...
i'm starting to think these excuses
are
other men...
the next time she cancelled,
it was for an emergency.
man
this chick is really avoiding me...
then i got a text.
"sex."
YES.
she finally came.
over
and over, and over, and over...
Fin.
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