EWWWWWWWW!!!

Chipper Jones Forgets Where He Is, Takes Dump in Left Field

ATLANTA — Perennial All-Star 3B Chipper Jones of the NL East's Atlanta Braves briefly forgot where he was during the top of the third inning of the home stand against the New York Mets, and in that moment, removed his glove and took a dump in left field.

"I dunno," said Jones, the reigning NL batting champion. "Had to lay one down. Wuzn't really thinkin'. Dropped trou. Laid a hot one. Case closed, man."

Left fielder Garret Anderson said that while he was perplexed by Jones' antics at the time, he's not surprised by the fact that the future Hall of Famer would go ahead and drop a deuce in the middle of Turner Field.

"That's just Chipper being Chipper," said Anderson. "Name me any other player who would do something like that not named 'Chipper Jones.'"

Commissioner Bud Selig says the league's hands are tied, citing that the game was not delayed while Jones was defecating, and therefore broke no league rules and will not be punished. Skipper Bobby Cox wasn't notified about the steamer until he woke up sometime around the sixth inning, and had "No f***in' comment."

Jones credited his lightweight to the ensuing play, in which he caught a high-line drive, tagged an over-anxious base runner from second and touched third base to achieve the season's first unassisted triple play.